The Atlantic Ocean, Wednesday evening
GOB had left Fandom last week in a panic toward Mexico in an attempt to flee the woman who had professed her love to him.
Several days later, GOB saw a moose on the shore. "I've made a huge mistake." He turned his yacht around and started heading in the direction that he now knew to be south. "To Mexico!" he declared.
That was a couple days ago. Today, he was starting to go mad. He hadn't had an alcoholic drink since Sunday. He hadn't talked to another human since Saturday.
Fortunately, that's when he received a phone call.
"DON'T KILL ME!" GOB yelled into the phone, ducking.
"... Okay, I won't."
"Michael?"
"Hi, GOB. Is everything okay there, buddy?"
"I thought you were going to be Becky."
"Your hooker girlfriend?"
"Former."
"Former hooker girlfriend, yes," Michael said, correcting his mistake.
"Former hooker, probably former girlfriend."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"She told me she loves me," GOB scoffed.
There was a pause. "And?" Michael asked.
"And what?"
"Wait, you broke up with her because she loves you?"
"No," GOB explained. "I ran away because she said she loves me. I didn't mention anything about breaking up to her."
"I really thought you were growing up, GOB."
"Hey. I mess up relationships. It's part of the fun. Things get a little boring and I cheat or do something else to keep things interesting."
"Actually, you usually cheat within the first two weeks."
"When it gets boring," GOB agreed. "Once she told me that, I was screwed."
"Why? Because it's boring?"
"No. But let's play the odds here, Michael. Sooner or later I was going to cheat. Probably with one of her friends. And then she'd get pissed off and kill me."
"Hyperbole aside--"
"No, I'm serious. She'd probably kill me. Or her ninja friend would feel bad for her and stab me. It's win-lose, Michael!"
"Win-lose?"
"Well, yeah. If I'm going to die, I'm glad it would be because I got some action."
"Okay, GOB, I'm going to step back from all of that and ask you this: You ran away? What about the club?"
"Tino's running it while I'm away."
"Okay. And where did you run away to?"
"I was going for Mexico, but I'm freezing my ass off, so I guess I ended up in Canada."
"Seriously?"
"Hey, it's hard to tell which way North is when you're out at sea!"
"Don't you have a compass?"
There was a pause. "Oh, yeah. Well, I'm on my way to Mexico now."
"Can I make a suggestion?"
"Sure, Michael, if your robot heart can understand what I'm going through, why not?"
Michael sighed. "Call Becky. Tell her you're coming back. Apologize for running away. And then go back to Fandom instead of continuing on to Mexico."
GOB scratched his head. "But that gives her time to plan my death."
"GOB, she said it herself, she loves you. If she hasn't killed you yet, she's not going to now. Especially not if you apologize."
"But what about future death?"
"This girl seems to be pretty special. Treat her that way. Get out of your normal habits. And for the love of God, get back to your club."
"You know, Michael, maybe you're right. I've made a huge mistake. I'm going to call her right now."
"Good. I'm glad to hear--"
GOB was already dialing Becky's number before Michael finished whatever it was he was saying.
Unfortunately, before he could hit "SEND," a dove escaped from GOB's pants (he kept doves there for illusions, and because they were probably cold up here) and made an attempt to fly away. Unfortunately, the dove hit GOB's phone hand, sending the phone flying into the ocean.
"You've made a huge mistake. You get to stay out here and freeze now, dove," GOB said, heading back below deck. He was just going to have to surprise Becky.
[OOC: NFB due to distance.]
Several days later, GOB saw a moose on the shore. "I've made a huge mistake." He turned his yacht around and started heading in the direction that he now knew to be south. "To Mexico!" he declared.
That was a couple days ago. Today, he was starting to go mad. He hadn't had an alcoholic drink since Sunday. He hadn't talked to another human since Saturday.
Fortunately, that's when he received a phone call.
"DON'T KILL ME!" GOB yelled into the phone, ducking.
"... Okay, I won't."
"Michael?"
"Hi, GOB. Is everything okay there, buddy?"
"I thought you were going to be Becky."
"Your hooker girlfriend?"
"Former."
"Former hooker girlfriend, yes," Michael said, correcting his mistake.
"Former hooker, probably former girlfriend."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"She told me she loves me," GOB scoffed.
There was a pause. "And?" Michael asked.
"And what?"
"Wait, you broke up with her because she loves you?"
"No," GOB explained. "I ran away because she said she loves me. I didn't mention anything about breaking up to her."
"I really thought you were growing up, GOB."
"Hey. I mess up relationships. It's part of the fun. Things get a little boring and I cheat or do something else to keep things interesting."
"Actually, you usually cheat within the first two weeks."
"When it gets boring," GOB agreed. "Once she told me that, I was screwed."
"Why? Because it's boring?"
"No. But let's play the odds here, Michael. Sooner or later I was going to cheat. Probably with one of her friends. And then she'd get pissed off and kill me."
"Hyperbole aside--"
"No, I'm serious. She'd probably kill me. Or her ninja friend would feel bad for her and stab me. It's win-lose, Michael!"
"Win-lose?"
"Well, yeah. If I'm going to die, I'm glad it would be because I got some action."
"Okay, GOB, I'm going to step back from all of that and ask you this: You ran away? What about the club?"
"Tino's running it while I'm away."
"Okay. And where did you run away to?"
"I was going for Mexico, but I'm freezing my ass off, so I guess I ended up in Canada."
"Seriously?"
"Hey, it's hard to tell which way North is when you're out at sea!"
"Don't you have a compass?"
There was a pause. "Oh, yeah. Well, I'm on my way to Mexico now."
"Can I make a suggestion?"
"Sure, Michael, if your robot heart can understand what I'm going through, why not?"
Michael sighed. "Call Becky. Tell her you're coming back. Apologize for running away. And then go back to Fandom instead of continuing on to Mexico."
GOB scratched his head. "But that gives her time to plan my death."
"GOB, she said it herself, she loves you. If she hasn't killed you yet, she's not going to now. Especially not if you apologize."
"But what about future death?"
"This girl seems to be pretty special. Treat her that way. Get out of your normal habits. And for the love of God, get back to your club."
"You know, Michael, maybe you're right. I've made a huge mistake. I'm going to call her right now."
"Good. I'm glad to hear--"
GOB was already dialing Becky's number before Michael finished whatever it was he was saying.
Unfortunately, before he could hit "SEND," a dove escaped from GOB's pants (he kept doves there for illusions, and because they were probably cold up here) and made an attempt to fly away. Unfortunately, the dove hit GOB's phone hand, sending the phone flying into the ocean.
"You've made a huge mistake. You get to stay out here and freeze now, dove," GOB said, heading back below deck. He was just going to have to surprise Becky.
[OOC: NFB due to distance.]