i'm eating lime tortilla chips and crying

[blutendeherzen]

If I could name a year, I'd name april 05'-april 06' crossroads. Its kind of a dumb name, since britney spears took it for her "movie" but it fits just the same. I've come to these crossroads so many times in the last year, you'd think i'd be used to it by now. everything has changed so much, i dont even know where to begin to know how to feel about it. So many life changing choices, all made so much sense. as hard as they were, they were easy. this one i am facing now isn't nearly as major as the rest. i cant ruin my life. why is it so hard to commit to? why am i so aprehensive about it? it makes all the sense in the world to just jump at it. i just dont know. i suppose its like leaving the home i had when i lost my first one. when everyone else was gone, they were there to listen and provide advice (though i never listen). maybe i've just said too many emotional goodbyes lately to say another. i never felt this strongly until time came to leave.

i would like to state that i love my life right now. despite all my goodbyes and drifting friendships, i have more support, love, and understanding now from one person than i ever had with any group. my parents are finally talking to me again, though i havent shared more than 5 words with my brother in months. I'm really going to be just fine. I'd just like it if my life were simple and uneventful for once. I'd like to know that certain people still care.

Oh, and on a somewhat unrelated note, I was at the Early November/Matchbook Romance show the other night and the bassist for one of the opening bands (hit the lights) looked EXACTLY like Skye. Sounded like him too. Then up on the balcony, there was a guy that could have been Jeremy's twin. I stared at him for like, 3 minutes straight trying to figure out if it was him. It wasn't. His girlfriend looked pissed.

I wonder if i should continue to post here