Danielle says:
Well.. I have come to the conclusion that Livejournal has died and no one really gives a fuck because.. That's just how it is I guess. No one makes entries anymore, let alone replying to anyone elses. I kind of gave up but this is the only place where I can just type and type and let out everything. I haven't really been keeping up with this thing. Even if I wanted to I just kind a forget about it. Because It's practically pointless..
Right I'm a little tired but empty at the same time. I don't even know why. Everything is fit to be perfect at least in my vision of sight. But it's like there's still that lingering downfall of uncertainty of guilt. [ No not about the pants. ] But I don't know. I feel as if I could try harder at things. Or at least help more or speak out more or confess my true feelings on certain topics or grab what I want when it's vulnerable. Ya know take charge. But I still feel weak and powerless over my own well being. It's like I'm owned by people. Like I don't do anything for myself I just do for others, and then when I try to do something for myself.. I get called 'selfish' which i think is straight up bullshit.. but hey you can't complain because once you do that.. people have doubts in you.. Stop trusting in you.. Start thinking your a little baby and need attention..
That's why I don't even bother telling people how I feel.. Because they turn it around and use it against you and smack it right across your face. I guess I'm on this subject from reading thomas' entry from last night..about friendships.. Well mines like a mix of how I feel and friends and people who are close to me.. Blah.. I'm going on and on, Knowing like one person will read this..
But uhm yeah.. I'm totally in love right now, and others will just look at me like I'm crazy or something but ya know what.. "I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!" Yeah.. I'm starting to have that attitude again..Where nothing anyone says to me phases me.. and that's bad by the way because someone could be trying to tell me something important and I'll be like.. "Hah, Fuck off." But I'm not always that way, It's just I hate it when people think they know what's right or good for me.. I'll live my life and make my mistakes on my own, Especially someone who is the same age as me and thinks they've through my shoes once or twice. I won't say that I've gone through more then you, but I'll experience things you'll never see.. So let me handle the things I walk through and let me fall in my own holes and let me climb out on my own so i'm strong enough and smart enough to see these things coming.
Emylii is like a number one priority right now. She's everything to me. I mean I don't think I've cared so much for someone, Or have wanted to sacrifice more then needed for that person. Just feelings that I have for her are so incredible I don't even feel like I'm on earth right now.. I'm just floating around. I only get beat back down when people think she's not the one for me.. I feel really hurt when someone tells me that..I mean I don't show it..but it really causes a great pain in my heart. Because I can't see myself falling for anyone but her right now. And the roads that we've walked along at so long and wide that to me I think it's better for us to stay together while we travel down them. There's absolutely no one who's made me feel like she has. AH. Sometimes I just wanna jump in the sea and just swim forever to show my determination and inspiration that she's put in my heart.. I feel like I can do anything now. Do what I want, be who I want with no doubt in my mind.. Having this feelings is just so damn amazing. It's like you don't want to have to deal with anything but the love of your life and the necessary essentials in your life..
I just wish I could with her right now. Knowing that we're together and maybe on the same page and just spend the day. But yeah, I'm out. Thought I should share. Later.
Much ♥ Dani
Right I'm a little tired but empty at the same time. I don't even know why. Everything is fit to be perfect at least in my vision of sight. But it's like there's still that lingering downfall of uncertainty of guilt. [ No not about the pants. ] But I don't know. I feel as if I could try harder at things. Or at least help more or speak out more or confess my true feelings on certain topics or grab what I want when it's vulnerable. Ya know take charge. But I still feel weak and powerless over my own well being. It's like I'm owned by people. Like I don't do anything for myself I just do for others, and then when I try to do something for myself.. I get called 'selfish' which i think is straight up bullshit.. but hey you can't complain because once you do that.. people have doubts in you.. Stop trusting in you.. Start thinking your a little baby and need attention..
That's why I don't even bother telling people how I feel.. Because they turn it around and use it against you and smack it right across your face. I guess I'm on this subject from reading thomas' entry from last night..about friendships.. Well mines like a mix of how I feel and friends and people who are close to me.. Blah.. I'm going on and on, Knowing like one person will read this..
But uhm yeah.. I'm totally in love right now, and others will just look at me like I'm crazy or something but ya know what.. "I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK!" Yeah.. I'm starting to have that attitude again..Where nothing anyone says to me phases me.. and that's bad by the way because someone could be trying to tell me something important and I'll be like.. "Hah, Fuck off." But I'm not always that way, It's just I hate it when people think they know what's right or good for me.. I'll live my life and make my mistakes on my own, Especially someone who is the same age as me and thinks they've through my shoes once or twice. I won't say that I've gone through more then you, but I'll experience things you'll never see.. So let me handle the things I walk through and let me fall in my own holes and let me climb out on my own so i'm strong enough and smart enough to see these things coming.
Emylii is like a number one priority right now. She's everything to me. I mean I don't think I've cared so much for someone, Or have wanted to sacrifice more then needed for that person. Just feelings that I have for her are so incredible I don't even feel like I'm on earth right now.. I'm just floating around. I only get beat back down when people think she's not the one for me.. I feel really hurt when someone tells me that..I mean I don't show it..but it really causes a great pain in my heart. Because I can't see myself falling for anyone but her right now. And the roads that we've walked along at so long and wide that to me I think it's better for us to stay together while we travel down them. There's absolutely no one who's made me feel like she has. AH. Sometimes I just wanna jump in the sea and just swim forever to show my determination and inspiration that she's put in my heart.. I feel like I can do anything now. Do what I want, be who I want with no doubt in my mind.. Having this feelings is just so damn amazing. It's like you don't want to have to deal with anything but the love of your life and the necessary essentials in your life..
I just wish I could with her right now. Knowing that we're together and maybe on the same page and just spend the day. But yeah, I'm out. Thought I should share. Later.
Much ♥ Dani