(no subject)
I don't really know how to put my feelings into words...I guess I could begin by saying my life has not gotten better, nor do I see it in my future to be so. I am still lost... though on the verge of understanding a new feeling I've encountered lately. This feeling, idea, imaginative spark of my own insane reality... it's a vision that all is about to end... maybe not on a genocidal scale... but something soon... I don't really know what I'm talking about... But this feeling is that I've lost, and that I'm not me anymore... a shell of a man that looks quite the same, but I'm not me. A third person view of the world, or what once was a world... now it's all meaningless. The same thing everyday, everyday, everyday; now it's just so monotone that it's all bland, nothing left. I'm going to start taking pills again... That did help a little... not my prescribed pills, those don't do shit... but pills I buy off the street... those are fun...One day I do intend to die, end my life, or become one with the earth once again... but that is not this day... I have not held her, and I do intend to before my demise.