Not dead yet...
I've been meaning to post for awhile but I'm never quite sure how to say things and I most of the time I'm really tired. I'm still really tired, but I had to get online to order a gift for Christmas and decided now was as good a time as any to post. I don't actually remember how long ago it was. Probably sometime about five weeks ago. Maybe more. Anyway, they did a cat scan on Bud and found olut his cancer was back. It's still in his neck and from what the oncologist tells us as the tumor grows he'll be in increasing pain and eventually the tumor will impinge upon his esophagus and he'll lose the ability to swallow. It feels wrong to hope for this but I pray and vibe every day that Bud goes to sleep so he's spared that pain. I want to spare mother as well. Bud has been in and out of the hospital since then and she's an absolute basket case. He gets up every two hours in the night to go to the bathroom and she's up with him. He goes right back to sleep thanks to Lortab and Morphine but she doesn't sleep much. She's tired and on the verge of her own meltdown, but trying to get her to get more help hasn't been fruitful so far. She's lean on me, thankfully, but Bud wants her and it's not that I blame her, but I worry that she's going to ruin her health in the process. I guess we're in a state of limbo where he's not sick enough for hospice but he still requires a lot of attention. I think after the first of the year I'm going to have to insist she gets more help. I expect fireworks and accusations of me being bossy, but so be it. She's been so cranky lately that I don't think it can be all that bad.
There are good things going on. I'm still exercising and it's been a great help in dealing with stress and fatigue. I'm up to doing four sets on both my arm and leg exercises and I do at least 45 minutes on the treadmill. I love feeling the new muscles. Scott laughs at me because something he's always taken for granted is so new to me. He's still a sadistic SOB though. He made me do four sets of 24 lungest today. I'm already hurting, but I really do love it. I lost about 15 pounds but I've put some of that back on because I switched to the new inhalable insulin last month. I've gone from four shots a day to one and my blood sugars have been excellent. Unfortunatly one of the side effects is weight gain. *sigh* But I'm still losing inches. Yesterday I was walking down the hallway towards a mirror and I noticed I actually have a bit of a waist. I told Scott that one thing I'd noticed is that for the first time in years my two abdominal rolls are far enough apart that my belly button has the ability to breathe. Heck, it's the little things, right? *g*
I've been in a state of either being really busy and not having time to get online or being so tired or down that I haven't wanted to get online. It sucks but that's how it goes for now. I'm just hoping to get through Christmas without killing my dipshit stepbrother. Such as ass, but that's a story I'll spare you.
I haven't forgotten people. I have a package ready to ship off to theamusedone in the next day or two. mrlnpndrgn, you should be receiving first season Mission Impossible"> in the next week. Let me know if if doesn't arrive. And Ghosti, I noticed an envelope in the mail from you. I haven't stopped to read my mail lately, but it made me happy to see your name. *g*
If somebody up there decides to take pity on me I'll hopefull be online this weekend. I have no intention of trying to catch up on LJ. I'll just be happy to catch up on SGA at this point. But right now I'm just so happy to have the time to reupload my Christmas icons that crysothemis made for me last year. It's amazing how happy David Hewlett in a Santa suit can make me.
Hope everyone in LJ land is doing well. If there's anything you think I need to know feel free to comment. Hopefully I'll be back soon.
There are good things going on. I'm still exercising and it's been a great help in dealing with stress and fatigue. I'm up to doing four sets on both my arm and leg exercises and I do at least 45 minutes on the treadmill. I love feeling the new muscles. Scott laughs at me because something he's always taken for granted is so new to me. He's still a sadistic SOB though. He made me do four sets of 24 lungest today. I'm already hurting, but I really do love it. I lost about 15 pounds but I've put some of that back on because I switched to the new inhalable insulin last month. I've gone from four shots a day to one and my blood sugars have been excellent. Unfortunatly one of the side effects is weight gain. *sigh* But I'm still losing inches. Yesterday I was walking down the hallway towards a mirror and I noticed I actually have a bit of a waist. I told Scott that one thing I'd noticed is that for the first time in years my two abdominal rolls are far enough apart that my belly button has the ability to breathe. Heck, it's the little things, right? *g*
I've been in a state of either being really busy and not having time to get online or being so tired or down that I haven't wanted to get online. It sucks but that's how it goes for now. I'm just hoping to get through Christmas without killing my dipshit stepbrother. Such as ass, but that's a story I'll spare you.
I haven't forgotten people. I have a package ready to ship off to theamusedone in the next day or two. mrlnpndrgn, you should be receiving first season Mission Impossible"> in the next week. Let me know if if doesn't arrive. And Ghosti, I noticed an envelope in the mail from you. I haven't stopped to read my mail lately, but it made me happy to see your name. *g*
If somebody up there decides to take pity on me I'll hopefull be online this weekend. I have no intention of trying to catch up on LJ. I'll just be happy to catch up on SGA at this point. But right now I'm just so happy to have the time to reupload my Christmas icons that crysothemis made for me last year. It's amazing how happy David Hewlett in a Santa suit can make me.
Hope everyone in LJ land is doing well. If there's anything you think I need to know feel free to comment. Hopefully I'll be back soon.