(no subject)
Okay so couple things...
my absence from "real life" for a while has allowed me to contemplate on a few things that are really getting to me lately.
First off....I seems that no matter how hard I try I still fucking like you. You don't read this so I think I am safe to write all this down without you seeing it and thus keeping our arrangement intact. I always thought that you were somewhat wise. That is a huge thing for me. I needed someone to intelligently share thoughts and not judge. I know that you do judge, we all do, but not nearly as much as everyone else does. It is hard to look at you without feeling a little something remaining from the time before. That little twinge of guilt for not waiting around longer. That "I wonder how it would be if we..." You had a bigger impact on me then most people have and I thank you for everything that you are. It hurts me to see how you are living...girl after girl...It just isnt you. The biggest thing that is getting to me is the wondering if there is anything left. In your heart do you feel anything for me? You know my flaws, all of them, it was so easy to open up to you. Did they drive you off? I sit here in a whirlwind of thought hoping to be grounded by some sort of sign...I have no courage left when it comes to the heart so all of these words will never pass my lips...I will just sit here hoping that i get a message and pray that somehow there is a chance left....
Second, this diet thing is sucking because i have no one to do it with...I need an exercise buddy :P anyone??? i think that i am going to go Rollerblading after im done with this whole soul spill thing. heh. The good part of this past week is that I obtained a book from a friend and I think I found a new author to love...the book is Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore...his writing style is AMAZING! Why had I net picked up one of his books sooner? I dont rightly know but am glad i did. Also DIstance sucks btw...just throwing that out there.
Thanks to all the friends that made my Birthday disaster something worth while. And i'm sorry Holly that i couldn't go to Ybor that night. I am thinking of going this Sat night with Jen though so give me a ring and maybe we can have girls night out or something :P
Okay, i think that is enough for now :D Call me if you need me kiddies <3 to all...
my absence from "real life" for a while has allowed me to contemplate on a few things that are really getting to me lately.
First off....I seems that no matter how hard I try I still fucking like you. You don't read this so I think I am safe to write all this down without you seeing it and thus keeping our arrangement intact. I always thought that you were somewhat wise. That is a huge thing for me. I needed someone to intelligently share thoughts and not judge. I know that you do judge, we all do, but not nearly as much as everyone else does. It is hard to look at you without feeling a little something remaining from the time before. That little twinge of guilt for not waiting around longer. That "I wonder how it would be if we..." You had a bigger impact on me then most people have and I thank you for everything that you are. It hurts me to see how you are living...girl after girl...It just isnt you. The biggest thing that is getting to me is the wondering if there is anything left. In your heart do you feel anything for me? You know my flaws, all of them, it was so easy to open up to you. Did they drive you off? I sit here in a whirlwind of thought hoping to be grounded by some sort of sign...I have no courage left when it comes to the heart so all of these words will never pass my lips...I will just sit here hoping that i get a message and pray that somehow there is a chance left....
Second, this diet thing is sucking because i have no one to do it with...I need an exercise buddy :P anyone??? i think that i am going to go Rollerblading after im done with this whole soul spill thing. heh. The good part of this past week is that I obtained a book from a friend and I think I found a new author to love...the book is Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore...his writing style is AMAZING! Why had I net picked up one of his books sooner? I dont rightly know but am glad i did. Also DIstance sucks btw...just throwing that out there.
Thanks to all the friends that made my Birthday disaster something worth while. And i'm sorry Holly that i couldn't go to Ybor that night. I am thinking of going this Sat night with Jen though so give me a ring and maybe we can have girls night out or something :P
Okay, i think that is enough for now :D Call me if you need me kiddies <3 to all...