(no subject)
I still have a hard time believing that there is nothing that'll take you away from me.
Even after all this time I still feel like I need to push you away.
Maybe if I push then it won't hurt so much if you give in to temptation with another girl.
Maybe if I keep myself distanced then you won't see all the parts of me I keep hidden.
Parts of me like the insecure shy girl from my youth.
Or the extremely jealous woman that creeps up on me when you get too close to another girl.
I used to never be like that...jealous anyway.
And I used to never be like that where you were concerned...but then you lost my trust and faith in you.
You say I'm crazy when that situation affects me now, but you have no idea what kind of trip my head has been through.
It doesn't matter how much time passes...
There is still that miniscule margin of doubt that creeps in my head when I feel as if your actions are suspicious.
Of course I could try harder to tell myself that you would never do anything to hurt me anymore....
But that's how I got screwed over the last time, and I refuse to blind myself in that manner anymore.
Fear can make you do a lot of things, or not do
And with you I'm afraid of completely trusting you and getting hurt
It happens....sometimes even when you don't think it will..
And that's what's scary for me.
I know insecurity is not an attractive quality and it gets old after awhile...
But I can't help it!
Even after all this time I still feel like I need to push you away.
Maybe if I push then it won't hurt so much if you give in to temptation with another girl.
Maybe if I keep myself distanced then you won't see all the parts of me I keep hidden.
Parts of me like the insecure shy girl from my youth.
Or the extremely jealous woman that creeps up on me when you get too close to another girl.
I used to never be like that...jealous anyway.
And I used to never be like that where you were concerned...but then you lost my trust and faith in you.
You say I'm crazy when that situation affects me now, but you have no idea what kind of trip my head has been through.
It doesn't matter how much time passes...
There is still that miniscule margin of doubt that creeps in my head when I feel as if your actions are suspicious.
Of course I could try harder to tell myself that you would never do anything to hurt me anymore....
But that's how I got screwed over the last time, and I refuse to blind myself in that manner anymore.
Fear can make you do a lot of things, or not do
And with you I'm afraid of completely trusting you and getting hurt
It happens....sometimes even when you don't think it will..
And that's what's scary for me.
I know insecurity is not an attractive quality and it gets old after awhile...
But I can't help it!