School is over
This is backdated and was written on 11/24/06.
One nice and long run-on paragraph!
Work was slow Thurs, so I got studying done.
My last final! It's been a week and it doesn't seem like it's over ... at least the classroom stuff anyway. I wish I had felt more optimistic when leaving the school after the final was over. Instead, I had feelings of sadness and complete disappointment. I spent years struggling with what I was going to do for a career. I had finished undergrad, but knew that I'd be going back to school at some point. Undergrad just isn't enough anymore. I didn't get into Hunter College (and I honestly don't know why) but I certainly see that as the universe intervening. I worked for about a year and then applied for graduate school at Pratt for Art Therapy. I got in! Then after few days before the start of the semester, I pulled out. It didn't fit. I then worked for about 2 years and then decided to go to St. Joe's in Philly for Criminology. Well, I completed one semester and quit. It was interesting but that too was not a fit. I still felt lost and somewhat empty. Then comes along the idea to look into holistic health, and I stumble upon Shiatsu. Once I got in, I was eager to start. This was something so different than your typical AA, BA or Masters degree. And it was such a new and upcoming field overall. I found it all very exciting. Well it wasn't long before I caught on to the fact that it wouldn't be the best and strongest program, but I also wasn't prepared for all that I would have to endure while being there. Saying that it was a learning experience is an understatement. Having gone through something like that certainly calls for some sort of closure. Deb was disappointed that none of us wanted a separate day for graduation - but the truth is that we didn't feel like "celebrating" on a night where it would be the same people as in class. Besides, none of us had family that would even come. So we decided on cake on the night of our final. Well, Deb didn't show up with a cake. She also didn't give us our completion certifictes either. We were suppose to get one when we completed the course work. May be we didn't get one because we still had a workshop to do? I don't know because Brooke said that she told her we were getting them that night. Everything felt so unresolved and I felt dismissed. Deb didn't owe me anything, nor did I want anything from her ... but I felt like the school did. The whole program was a letdown. I struggled more than I could have anticipated and to have it end the way it did felt empty. Needless to say, my course evaluation will not be nice. Oh, which reminds me, Deb asked Brooke & I, as we waited for Jessica, if we wanted to fill out our course evaluations first and I asked if we could do it when we were done with the whole program? She didn't seem happy about my question at all. In fact, her whole 'manner' was off that night. I don't know if she isn't good with endings or if she was just showing us her true colors. I guess there was no point in her putting up a 'jovial' front anymore when this was our last class. I don't know. But after I asked that, she left the room and came back a few minutes later only to say that we had to do our evaluations individually. Slightly insulting. I looked at her and said taht I didn't want nor expected to have anyone write on my behalf. What an idiot. Do you think she feels threatened? But anyways, going out with Jessica & Brooke afterwards was nice. Jessica bought necklaces for us - pendant of the Lady of Healing - Brigitaina. As nice as it was to be out with them, I hate to admit that I really just wanted to go home. I was tired and feeling drained. But for the 1st time in a long time, it felt like old times ... to some extent. Brooke has changed and it's weird sitting there knowing that she refuses to tell me whats going on in her life. Oh well. There's nothing I can do about that. But it was a night of letdowns because I was hurt by the fact that I didn't hear from anyone in my family. Afterall it was my graduation. There was no "good luck one your last test" comments from anyone. Not only do I feel dismissed by Deb and the school, but by my family too. I had even had a conversation with my mother about how much I liked what I was studying and that I was eager to start working in the field - and still nothing. How do I not let that affect me? That seems to be the one thing I can't shake. So I guess now my only focus is how I will be making the switch-over to Shiatsu and out of the hell hole that is my current job.
One nice and long run-on paragraph!
Work was slow Thurs, so I got studying done.
My last final! It's been a week and it doesn't seem like it's over ... at least the classroom stuff anyway. I wish I had felt more optimistic when leaving the school after the final was over. Instead, I had feelings of sadness and complete disappointment. I spent years struggling with what I was going to do for a career. I had finished undergrad, but knew that I'd be going back to school at some point. Undergrad just isn't enough anymore. I didn't get into Hunter College (and I honestly don't know why) but I certainly see that as the universe intervening. I worked for about a year and then applied for graduate school at Pratt for Art Therapy. I got in! Then after few days before the start of the semester, I pulled out. It didn't fit. I then worked for about 2 years and then decided to go to St. Joe's in Philly for Criminology. Well, I completed one semester and quit. It was interesting but that too was not a fit. I still felt lost and somewhat empty. Then comes along the idea to look into holistic health, and I stumble upon Shiatsu. Once I got in, I was eager to start. This was something so different than your typical AA, BA or Masters degree. And it was such a new and upcoming field overall. I found it all very exciting. Well it wasn't long before I caught on to the fact that it wouldn't be the best and strongest program, but I also wasn't prepared for all that I would have to endure while being there. Saying that it was a learning experience is an understatement. Having gone through something like that certainly calls for some sort of closure. Deb was disappointed that none of us wanted a separate day for graduation - but the truth is that we didn't feel like "celebrating" on a night where it would be the same people as in class. Besides, none of us had family that would even come. So we decided on cake on the night of our final. Well, Deb didn't show up with a cake. She also didn't give us our completion certifictes either. We were suppose to get one when we completed the course work. May be we didn't get one because we still had a workshop to do? I don't know because Brooke said that she told her we were getting them that night. Everything felt so unresolved and I felt dismissed. Deb didn't owe me anything, nor did I want anything from her ... but I felt like the school did. The whole program was a letdown. I struggled more than I could have anticipated and to have it end the way it did felt empty. Needless to say, my course evaluation will not be nice. Oh, which reminds me, Deb asked Brooke & I, as we waited for Jessica, if we wanted to fill out our course evaluations first and I asked if we could do it when we were done with the whole program? She didn't seem happy about my question at all. In fact, her whole 'manner' was off that night. I don't know if she isn't good with endings or if she was just showing us her true colors. I guess there was no point in her putting up a 'jovial' front anymore when this was our last class. I don't know. But after I asked that, she left the room and came back a few minutes later only to say that we had to do our evaluations individually. Slightly insulting. I looked at her and said taht I didn't want nor expected to have anyone write on my behalf. What an idiot. Do you think she feels threatened? But anyways, going out with Jessica & Brooke afterwards was nice. Jessica bought necklaces for us - pendant of the Lady of Healing - Brigitaina. As nice as it was to be out with them, I hate to admit that I really just wanted to go home. I was tired and feeling drained. But for the 1st time in a long time, it felt like old times ... to some extent. Brooke has changed and it's weird sitting there knowing that she refuses to tell me whats going on in her life. Oh well. There's nothing I can do about that. But it was a night of letdowns because I was hurt by the fact that I didn't hear from anyone in my family. Afterall it was my graduation. There was no "good luck one your last test" comments from anyone. Not only do I feel dismissed by Deb and the school, but by my family too. I had even had a conversation with my mother about how much I liked what I was studying and that I was eager to start working in the field - and still nothing. How do I not let that affect me? That seems to be the one thing I can't shake. So I guess now my only focus is how I will be making the switch-over to Shiatsu and out of the hell hole that is my current job.