Public Service Announcement
This blog is overdue but I’ve had way too much on my mind as of late. I’m not even totally sure as to where to start but I will say that just when you think you know someone, after you’ve made a connection and said to yourself, “Wow, this person is really fun to talk to and be around”, things change and you witness another side of a person that you never anticipated. Or, you just end up saying, “Hm, I didn’t see that coming ... that sucks.” I’ve had this experience unfold over the last few months. I’m not the type of person who will sit back and dictate how people should be living their lives, but I am the type of person who looses interest in these types of people and will invest less and less energy in these relationships as time goes on.
I’m not a perfect friend, nor do I expect anyone to be. People get busy and lives move in different directions, (or people have back injuries!) but this is not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to the character of a person. It’s disheartening to watch events unfold and to see how devalued your position as friend becomes as you sit and watch them fall apart. I think that’s why it’s taken so long for me to write. If I was a good enough friend before, then what happened? Was it something I said? or did? I know that I have a tendency to speak my mind and it isn’t always what people want to hear but I do it because I care and I HATE seeing my friends in pain. I have never once said to someone, “Do what I say or I’m never going to talk to you again!” I give my advice and can HOPE that they take it, but if they don’t and still find themselves needing someone to talk to, I will listen ... and always have.
Everyone makes mistakes. I certainly do and have many times. Not everyone can just change their behaviors overnight. I understand what it’s like to battle with your inner demons and how difficult it can be to make the best decisions for yourself. I’m not a judgemental person, nor have I ever been condescending or degrading. But when it gets to a point where someone is making decisions that not only mess up their own life but also those around them, I have to take a step back and re-evaluate how toxic that energy is. Just because someone is hurting or in pain, that doesn’t give them a free ride to run around without consequence. Where do you draw the line between enabling and being supportive? I can be supportive without completely surrendering myself to your problem. But I sure as hell will not hold your hand while you self-destruct. I love you, but I have to love myself more and know that that is not the type of person I can handle being around.
May be this is too much for some people to accept about me. That’s ok. I’ve worked in social servies long enough to see families broken and depleted because they do everything in their power to help their loved ones. You know what? You can give them the world and they will still do what they want. You can give them your heart and all of your love, they will still do what they want. You can give them food, money and a place to sleep, they will still do what they want. You can give them the clothes off your back, they will still do what they want.
It stops being a friendship when one person’s issues become so consuming that they can’t take care of themselves, never mind being there for their friends. That problem is bigger than them ... you ... me. Holding their hand will not make them see the error in their ways ... it’ll just make it take that much longer.
I’m not a perfect friend, nor do I expect anyone to be. People get busy and lives move in different directions, (or people have back injuries!) but this is not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to the character of a person. It’s disheartening to watch events unfold and to see how devalued your position as friend becomes as you sit and watch them fall apart. I think that’s why it’s taken so long for me to write. If I was a good enough friend before, then what happened? Was it something I said? or did? I know that I have a tendency to speak my mind and it isn’t always what people want to hear but I do it because I care and I HATE seeing my friends in pain. I have never once said to someone, “Do what I say or I’m never going to talk to you again!” I give my advice and can HOPE that they take it, but if they don’t and still find themselves needing someone to talk to, I will listen ... and always have.
Everyone makes mistakes. I certainly do and have many times. Not everyone can just change their behaviors overnight. I understand what it’s like to battle with your inner demons and how difficult it can be to make the best decisions for yourself. I’m not a judgemental person, nor have I ever been condescending or degrading. But when it gets to a point where someone is making decisions that not only mess up their own life but also those around them, I have to take a step back and re-evaluate how toxic that energy is. Just because someone is hurting or in pain, that doesn’t give them a free ride to run around without consequence. Where do you draw the line between enabling and being supportive? I can be supportive without completely surrendering myself to your problem. But I sure as hell will not hold your hand while you self-destruct. I love you, but I have to love myself more and know that that is not the type of person I can handle being around.
May be this is too much for some people to accept about me. That’s ok. I’ve worked in social servies long enough to see families broken and depleted because they do everything in their power to help their loved ones. You know what? You can give them the world and they will still do what they want. You can give them your heart and all of your love, they will still do what they want. You can give them food, money and a place to sleep, they will still do what they want. You can give them the clothes off your back, they will still do what they want.
It stops being a friendship when one person’s issues become so consuming that they can’t take care of themselves, never mind being there for their friends. That problem is bigger than them ... you ... me. Holding their hand will not make them see the error in their ways ... it’ll just make it take that much longer.