Numbers
The world is full of them but when do numbers become too much? Hurtful and controlling?
Welcome to my life, folks.
Now I hear you how can numbers rule ones life, like they are here??
Well every week we weigh my son.
How much has he gained? How much hasn't he gained? Is he longer? What percentile is he now? For the record, my son is still off the chart for weight, however in length he is 25th and head 90th.
But it doesn't stop there, oh no. How much do you feed him? How many ounces? How often? Do you pump? When? How much do you get?
All numbers.
Co-pays. $20 bucks every week to see my sons pediatrician. $40 to see my Midwife or Lactation Specialist. $40 dollars twice a month to see my Therapist.
That is a solid $160 every month in our tight budget.
Then if I go to my Midwife. . .how much do I weight? Have I gained weight? Have I lost? What about my blood pressure? ALL FUCKING NUMBERS!
My point, it's becoming stressful. Everything is dictated by numbers, numbers which are supposed to be used as a tool.
So my son not too long ago used to be exclusively breastfed. Not any more. He's now on a bottle too.
And now. . .he is starting to refuse my breasts because of those ounces of milk he gets threw them. It's heart breaking to try in vain sometimes to get my son to take my breast. It's frustrating that I try and try and try and he screams as if starving.
Who am I kidding, he was.
So now. . .my life is ruled by numbers.
How many oz? Eight in two hours.
How long on my breast? 90 minutes.
How long till I loose faith and sanity? That's not a number I know, yet.
Welcome to my life, folks.
Now I hear you how can numbers rule ones life, like they are here??
Well every week we weigh my son.
How much has he gained? How much hasn't he gained? Is he longer? What percentile is he now? For the record, my son is still off the chart for weight, however in length he is 25th and head 90th.
But it doesn't stop there, oh no. How much do you feed him? How many ounces? How often? Do you pump? When? How much do you get?
All numbers.
Co-pays. $20 bucks every week to see my sons pediatrician. $40 to see my Midwife or Lactation Specialist. $40 dollars twice a month to see my Therapist.
That is a solid $160 every month in our tight budget.
Then if I go to my Midwife. . .how much do I weight? Have I gained weight? Have I lost? What about my blood pressure? ALL FUCKING NUMBERS!
My point, it's becoming stressful. Everything is dictated by numbers, numbers which are supposed to be used as a tool.
So my son not too long ago used to be exclusively breastfed. Not any more. He's now on a bottle too.
And now. . .he is starting to refuse my breasts because of those ounces of milk he gets threw them. It's heart breaking to try in vain sometimes to get my son to take my breast. It's frustrating that I try and try and try and he screams as if starving.
Who am I kidding, he was.
So now. . .my life is ruled by numbers.
How many oz? Eight in two hours.
How long on my breast? 90 minutes.
How long till I loose faith and sanity? That's not a number I know, yet.