076.
I haven't updated in almost 9 months. Pretty much the entire relationship I've endeavored with Sean, that has come almost completely to an end. I can feel it in my gut that it's for the best. There's too many highs and lows. I need something that is a little more steady and constant.
Let's catch up.
After Sean and I were together, things hit a rough patch in June. We broke up for awhile after he decided he was sick/bored of me, so he decided to up and leave me. Briefly after, I met and started dating Michael. I fell deeply in love with his family- but not with him. I stayed with him on and off for 2 months. Yet I still managed to convince Sean to spend my birthday with me- Which was the best birthday I've ever had. That was in July. Back to Michael- We spent what was the most amazing weekend of my life together, in August. Which was also the weekend Sean hacked into my email, Myspace account, and my Facebook account. He deleted my Myspace, and sent faulty emails to himself from my email account trying to be me of course, admitting to sleeping with Michael- as if I wouldn't know it was him. So at that point I had decided that Michael was what I decided to keep. I learned to love him to a certain point, but I had to realize you can't make yourself love people just for the sake of other peoples feelings, or because of circumstance. So I grew up, and left him. Truly because my heart was still searching and waiting for Sean to come back to me. So I waited it out and finally he came back to me. Broken and bruised. But I stuck by him, encouraging him and letting him know I loved him with every morsel of my being. But I still went back and forth with Michael behind the scenes, because something in me wouldn't completely let him go either. :/
As of now- I'm single. Sean and I are still friends, and hang out regularly. Michael recently got into another relationship, with some loud mouth Cuban, who doesn't know when to shut up when it's not her time to speak. He calls me almost every night and tells me how annoying and clingy she's become, and how he understands how I used to feel when he would smother me. I guess she is already talking about marriage and the idea of "forever" with him, which apparently scares him to death because I was the only person he had ever pictured those things with. So I guess he isn't feeling it at all. He tells me he loves and misses me, and wants "us" to give it another shot. Yet he stays with her, and leads her on because he doesn't want to be mean and hurt her. However he stays in a relationship with her, tells her he loves her, sleeps with her, an continues on with things, while he's telling me how much he loves and misses me. Emotional cheating. I totally don't feel guilty about it all, because I haven't reciprocated the feelings back in the slightest way. I guess mostly because I just can't/won't do that to myself again. While him and I were together in August, he was sleeping and seeing some girl who I had always had a bad feeling about. So that tells me he's not trustworthy, honest, faithful, or loyal.- All of the qualities I need my future husband to obtain. To be honest, I really would like to see them break up, just because I don't think she deserves him and I don't want to see him with anyone else. Yet, I don't know if I could go back to that and be with him either. I suppose I just may be the most selfish person on this planet. But thats okay. I'm not mad at me for the way I am. Sean has been pretty diligent with the idea of getting back together and having a super serious deep relationship. But as far as I've seen, I honestly don't think he's ready, nor does he deserve to have me all to himself. He's stuck by for awhile, but thats not forever. And I'll never be able to forget what it feels like to be left/deserted. He's done that to me not once, but TWICE. And both times it hurt like hell, but I dropped what I was doing and took him back with open arms, and a broken heart. He's stuck around pretty solidly for 2 months or so. But he's already starting to stray and do his own thing because the idea of me not being with him is sticking, and he's too lazy to try to mend my heart. That makes me incredibly ill to think about, but so reassuring at the same time, because us being apart, relationship-wise, is the best thing for my emotional well being. And in the end, thats all that really matters.
In August, this girl I had remembered very sourly from childhood memories, moved into my house. Shit really hit the fan quickly. She came in bossing everyone around with her finger in everyones faces, and her opinion to be known. Well I crushed that very quickly, and reminded her who was the princess of the house. I didn't do it in a very diplomatic way, but I did get the job done. We get along very well now, just as long as she doesn't forget where she came from, where she is now, what she's supposed to be doing, and to not say anything to me out of line, or she will be socked up. End of story.
October was a big month to me. I came extremely close to death, and was checked into the hospital for drug overdose, but wasn't admitted because somehow, I managed to talk my way out of it. It was an awful day though. My whole personal life was completely exposed to just about every person I knew. But in the end, things happen for a reason, and I've really grown from all of it. Life is more than just a game, and if you gamble with it too many times, it can and will be taken from you.
Also in October, my sister gave birth to her second child, Joselyn Kelly Botello. She was born healthy, beautiful, and extremely alert.
I got a dog in December, I named her Bella. She was a drug deal dog, and a friend of mine rescued her and gave her to me. She took some warming up, but ended up being the most amazing partner I've had so far. She had been knocked up from two separate dogs, and she gave birth to 9 puppies on NYE. None of them died, and there were no complications during the birth other than Bella was extremely drained and worn out.
Aj, my nephew celebrated his second birthday on New Years day. It was beautiful.
That pretty much brings me up to date.
I am now 20 years of age, tattooed and pierced. Loved and hated. Beautiful but messy. Bossy but lovable. Hello 2010, let's see what you have for me this year. :)
I'll be updating more. I'm going to download an application for this so it's much more convenient.
Let's catch up.
After Sean and I were together, things hit a rough patch in June. We broke up for awhile after he decided he was sick/bored of me, so he decided to up and leave me. Briefly after, I met and started dating Michael. I fell deeply in love with his family- but not with him. I stayed with him on and off for 2 months. Yet I still managed to convince Sean to spend my birthday with me- Which was the best birthday I've ever had. That was in July. Back to Michael- We spent what was the most amazing weekend of my life together, in August. Which was also the weekend Sean hacked into my email, Myspace account, and my Facebook account. He deleted my Myspace, and sent faulty emails to himself from my email account trying to be me of course, admitting to sleeping with Michael- as if I wouldn't know it was him. So at that point I had decided that Michael was what I decided to keep. I learned to love him to a certain point, but I had to realize you can't make yourself love people just for the sake of other peoples feelings, or because of circumstance. So I grew up, and left him. Truly because my heart was still searching and waiting for Sean to come back to me. So I waited it out and finally he came back to me. Broken and bruised. But I stuck by him, encouraging him and letting him know I loved him with every morsel of my being. But I still went back and forth with Michael behind the scenes, because something in me wouldn't completely let him go either. :/
As of now- I'm single. Sean and I are still friends, and hang out regularly. Michael recently got into another relationship, with some loud mouth Cuban, who doesn't know when to shut up when it's not her time to speak. He calls me almost every night and tells me how annoying and clingy she's become, and how he understands how I used to feel when he would smother me. I guess she is already talking about marriage and the idea of "forever" with him, which apparently scares him to death because I was the only person he had ever pictured those things with. So I guess he isn't feeling it at all. He tells me he loves and misses me, and wants "us" to give it another shot. Yet he stays with her, and leads her on because he doesn't want to be mean and hurt her. However he stays in a relationship with her, tells her he loves her, sleeps with her, an continues on with things, while he's telling me how much he loves and misses me. Emotional cheating. I totally don't feel guilty about it all, because I haven't reciprocated the feelings back in the slightest way. I guess mostly because I just can't/won't do that to myself again. While him and I were together in August, he was sleeping and seeing some girl who I had always had a bad feeling about. So that tells me he's not trustworthy, honest, faithful, or loyal.- All of the qualities I need my future husband to obtain. To be honest, I really would like to see them break up, just because I don't think she deserves him and I don't want to see him with anyone else. Yet, I don't know if I could go back to that and be with him either. I suppose I just may be the most selfish person on this planet. But thats okay. I'm not mad at me for the way I am. Sean has been pretty diligent with the idea of getting back together and having a super serious deep relationship. But as far as I've seen, I honestly don't think he's ready, nor does he deserve to have me all to himself. He's stuck by for awhile, but thats not forever. And I'll never be able to forget what it feels like to be left/deserted. He's done that to me not once, but TWICE. And both times it hurt like hell, but I dropped what I was doing and took him back with open arms, and a broken heart. He's stuck around pretty solidly for 2 months or so. But he's already starting to stray and do his own thing because the idea of me not being with him is sticking, and he's too lazy to try to mend my heart. That makes me incredibly ill to think about, but so reassuring at the same time, because us being apart, relationship-wise, is the best thing for my emotional well being. And in the end, thats all that really matters.
In August, this girl I had remembered very sourly from childhood memories, moved into my house. Shit really hit the fan quickly. She came in bossing everyone around with her finger in everyones faces, and her opinion to be known. Well I crushed that very quickly, and reminded her who was the princess of the house. I didn't do it in a very diplomatic way, but I did get the job done. We get along very well now, just as long as she doesn't forget where she came from, where she is now, what she's supposed to be doing, and to not say anything to me out of line, or she will be socked up. End of story.
October was a big month to me. I came extremely close to death, and was checked into the hospital for drug overdose, but wasn't admitted because somehow, I managed to talk my way out of it. It was an awful day though. My whole personal life was completely exposed to just about every person I knew. But in the end, things happen for a reason, and I've really grown from all of it. Life is more than just a game, and if you gamble with it too many times, it can and will be taken from you.
Also in October, my sister gave birth to her second child, Joselyn Kelly Botello. She was born healthy, beautiful, and extremely alert.
I got a dog in December, I named her Bella. She was a drug deal dog, and a friend of mine rescued her and gave her to me. She took some warming up, but ended up being the most amazing partner I've had so far. She had been knocked up from two separate dogs, and she gave birth to 9 puppies on NYE. None of them died, and there were no complications during the birth other than Bella was extremely drained and worn out.
Aj, my nephew celebrated his second birthday on New Years day. It was beautiful.
That pretty much brings me up to date.
I am now 20 years of age, tattooed and pierced. Loved and hated. Beautiful but messy. Bossy but lovable. Hello 2010, let's see what you have for me this year. :)
I'll be updating more. I'm going to download an application for this so it's much more convenient.