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Been seeing Rhett at least once a week now, if not more than. Seen him twice already this week - Tuesday and Wednesday. He was sick, didn't go to work, I told him I'd come over and bring him some advil and some dvds to watch. Ended up cleaning his house while he slept on the couch. Cleaned the dishes, loaded the dish washer, cleaned the stove, threw away all the trash that was piling up. Shit I don't even do at home lol. Went back last night and spent more time with him, he was starting to feel a little better by Wednesday. And he wants to go see Underworld tomorrow night after dinner. Now my dad's all askin questions about "when did I get serious with Rhett" and "when does he meet him" and my mom's naggin to meet him. Ugh... didn't want it to go this far. Didn't think it would in all honesty. We've just kinda... fallen into this little routine of ours. It's nice, I guess. I'm a little less lonely than I was before. I'm still fighting it though. I'm just not sure I'm ready or willing to give up the single status yet... and if he's the one I should be giving it up for.
Talked to Kenny on Sunday. He had a few days off in San Diego so he was telling me all about the stuff he had been doing. Asked if I had gotten myself a boyfriend yet. He was surprised when I told him I was still seeing Rhett. I guess I made him sound pretty bad lol. In all actuality I don't know why I'm keeping this up with him. We differ on so many things, I know it can't work long term. I'm not even sure how long it'll go short term. Maybe I'm just really sick of being alone. He makes me feel good at least, needed, wanted. The cuddling is nice after so long without it. And Kenny mirrored exactly how I feel. He said there's no one else for me to be with right now, so it must just mean I wasn't meant to be with anyone right now, which is exactly how I've always thought. And if he's here and available and willing, then he's good for right now, that's all. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not sure how he feels though, if he's really thought through things about how it would be with me. I don't know if he's thinking it could work long term or not, we haven't brought it up. It's just an unspoken understanding that this is going slow and we're not making any plans for anything more serious. I'm not sure if I should sit down and talk to him about it or not. I kinda like things the way they are, don't want to go messin anything up just yet lol. I also don't want him going and getting the wrong impression. I know I've made myself clear but he could still have idea in the back of his mind. And he's certainly allowed to wonder if this'll go further, I know I already have. But I'm afraid he'll really want it to eventually, or if he'll start demanding more of me after a while. I dunno. Guess I should just wait it out and see what his next move is. Take it from there.
On a better note - got Princess a home. She leaves tomorrow. I'm trying to get through this in one piece. I have to keep reminding myself that this was the agreement I made with her and myself when I took her. I was only the middle man, I was put there to save her life and take care of her until the right home came along. I didn't take her to keep her, that wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to save her, rehabilitate her and find her the best home possible. I wasn't meant to keep her, I was meant to love her and renew her trust in humans. I've done that. I've done my job, my end of the bargain has been fulfilled and then some lol. Now it's time to give her to people I trust will love her, spoil her and take care of her til her dying day. Beyond that, there is nothing I can do. I can't keep her, I knew that the night I had some people sign her over. There was no way I could finagle that. Now I just have to love her enough to let her go - ALWAYS the hardest part about this rescuing/fostering crap. Tell ya what - NEVER again. The heart can only take so much bruising. My bank account can only take so many withdraws lol. Now... I'm done. God I'll miss her though. I am SO in love with her. Tomorrow is going to break my heart so much more than even my kittens did. I'll miss her so much. ::sigh::
On another good note - I get to see Dane Cook in 2 days!!!! 6th row seats!! Can't wait! And Sweeney Todd in 3 days! (That's my birthday present from my mom :-) And... of course... I turn 23 in 13 days. Not as excited about that lol. Nothing at all exciting about turning 23, nothing even remotely close to exciting. Just another year from now on. But hey, the money, presents and cakes can't be beat so I won't complain. Anyway... I think this concludes my update. Got nothing else to report, I'm out of crap to put in here. I'm gonna go chill before I head to bed. I'm out.
Talked to Kenny on Sunday. He had a few days off in San Diego so he was telling me all about the stuff he had been doing. Asked if I had gotten myself a boyfriend yet. He was surprised when I told him I was still seeing Rhett. I guess I made him sound pretty bad lol. In all actuality I don't know why I'm keeping this up with him. We differ on so many things, I know it can't work long term. I'm not even sure how long it'll go short term. Maybe I'm just really sick of being alone. He makes me feel good at least, needed, wanted. The cuddling is nice after so long without it. And Kenny mirrored exactly how I feel. He said there's no one else for me to be with right now, so it must just mean I wasn't meant to be with anyone right now, which is exactly how I've always thought. And if he's here and available and willing, then he's good for right now, that's all. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not sure how he feels though, if he's really thought through things about how it would be with me. I don't know if he's thinking it could work long term or not, we haven't brought it up. It's just an unspoken understanding that this is going slow and we're not making any plans for anything more serious. I'm not sure if I should sit down and talk to him about it or not. I kinda like things the way they are, don't want to go messin anything up just yet lol. I also don't want him going and getting the wrong impression. I know I've made myself clear but he could still have idea in the back of his mind. And he's certainly allowed to wonder if this'll go further, I know I already have. But I'm afraid he'll really want it to eventually, or if he'll start demanding more of me after a while. I dunno. Guess I should just wait it out and see what his next move is. Take it from there.
On a better note - got Princess a home. She leaves tomorrow. I'm trying to get through this in one piece. I have to keep reminding myself that this was the agreement I made with her and myself when I took her. I was only the middle man, I was put there to save her life and take care of her until the right home came along. I didn't take her to keep her, that wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to save her, rehabilitate her and find her the best home possible. I wasn't meant to keep her, I was meant to love her and renew her trust in humans. I've done that. I've done my job, my end of the bargain has been fulfilled and then some lol. Now it's time to give her to people I trust will love her, spoil her and take care of her til her dying day. Beyond that, there is nothing I can do. I can't keep her, I knew that the night I had some people sign her over. There was no way I could finagle that. Now I just have to love her enough to let her go - ALWAYS the hardest part about this rescuing/fostering crap. Tell ya what - NEVER again. The heart can only take so much bruising. My bank account can only take so many withdraws lol. Now... I'm done. God I'll miss her though. I am SO in love with her. Tomorrow is going to break my heart so much more than even my kittens did. I'll miss her so much. ::sigh::
On another good note - I get to see Dane Cook in 2 days!!!! 6th row seats!! Can't wait! And Sweeney Todd in 3 days! (That's my birthday present from my mom :-) And... of course... I turn 23 in 13 days. Not as excited about that lol. Nothing at all exciting about turning 23, nothing even remotely close to exciting. Just another year from now on. But hey, the money, presents and cakes can't be beat so I won't complain. Anyway... I think this concludes my update. Got nothing else to report, I'm out of crap to put in here. I'm gonna go chill before I head to bed. I'm out.