Just when everything looks good.......
Well today was by far the worst day in my life in a very long time......
I managed to lose Sam as a friend....long story and I dont want to go into it here.....
On Saturday I guess I ran into Kim's little sister....and said some really mean stuff to her about Kim...Talked to Kim on the phone today and she told me what Karen told her and now she'll never speak to me again....Pats all pissed off at me and barely says 1 word to me today....my other tooth got knocked out on saturday nite....I havent seen anyone or talked to anyone today....gonna be bored completly and with no alcohol.....I should call dan and see if he wants to hang out tonight....
I havent contiplated cutting in a very long time but tonight seems like a good time to start again....I dont know....I feel so depressed today its unreal...everything bad cant happen over a stretch of time it always has to happen in 1 day....
I am taking all the responsibilites of my problems that I mentioned up top....I am not gonna cop em off on other people....Sam not being my friend is my fault...Kim hating me is my fault....Pat not talking to me is my fault...my tooth coming out is my fault...me wanting to cut tonight is and will be my fault...I am not looking for sympathy or pity..I am venting in hopes of it working...I came out to waukesha in hopes of all of my past and problems to not follow...all it did was make things worse....I am not sure if going back to cutting will help or not....but they always say "if your unsure you might as well try" well thats what I say at least....I was having such a good weekend....and all of this shit piles up faster then I can take one.....
I am sure that after this Post goes out and more of you read it I will probally lose even more friends....I am not wanting that to happen...I feel just like I felt back in May when I went to Waukesha Psych. just this over whelming pain...I wish I could take back things I have done but I know thats not gonna happen and most of my problems are that I dwell on them until I cant take it anymore...
I am gonna leave the post as that.....
Mark
I managed to lose Sam as a friend....long story and I dont want to go into it here.....
On Saturday I guess I ran into Kim's little sister....and said some really mean stuff to her about Kim...Talked to Kim on the phone today and she told me what Karen told her and now she'll never speak to me again....Pats all pissed off at me and barely says 1 word to me today....my other tooth got knocked out on saturday nite....I havent seen anyone or talked to anyone today....gonna be bored completly and with no alcohol.....I should call dan and see if he wants to hang out tonight....
I havent contiplated cutting in a very long time but tonight seems like a good time to start again....I dont know....I feel so depressed today its unreal...everything bad cant happen over a stretch of time it always has to happen in 1 day....
I am taking all the responsibilites of my problems that I mentioned up top....I am not gonna cop em off on other people....Sam not being my friend is my fault...Kim hating me is my fault....Pat not talking to me is my fault...my tooth coming out is my fault...me wanting to cut tonight is and will be my fault...I am not looking for sympathy or pity..I am venting in hopes of it working...I came out to waukesha in hopes of all of my past and problems to not follow...all it did was make things worse....I am not sure if going back to cutting will help or not....but they always say "if your unsure you might as well try" well thats what I say at least....I was having such a good weekend....and all of this shit piles up faster then I can take one.....
I am sure that after this Post goes out and more of you read it I will probally lose even more friends....I am not wanting that to happen...I feel just like I felt back in May when I went to Waukesha Psych. just this over whelming pain...I wish I could take back things I have done but I know thats not gonna happen and most of my problems are that I dwell on them until I cant take it anymore...
I am gonna leave the post as that.....
Mark