(no subject)
today was just one of those days... i feel like shit... physically and emotionaly... mostly emotionaly though... i had a pounding headache at work and i was all out of Iburprophen (or however you spell it) and i seriously thought i was going to cry... my kids were being aweful and i just felt so lonely... like... even with jeremy, things wernt perfect... but i wasnt alone... now im alone...
my mom checked my arm again =/... she saw part of the burn and some of the new cuts... but she only moved my bracelets a little bit so she didnt see the rest of it... she did the traditional *you need to learn a new way to deal with stress* speech... i wasnt really paying attention but i remember her saying "you cant do that stuff forever" and i just thought *wanna bet? cause i think i can...* =( iv pretty much given up *stopping*... and iv been doing it more and more lately... sometimes at work, when im bored, i get teh strongest urge to just grab my razor out of my backpack and "go to the bathroom"... just out of boredom... and that scares me... i duno...
chris roy made another *public comment* on my ana situation... when i went to visit sallie at work (me and britt) he was there and i told him that we had just gotten back from packards and he was like what were you doing there and i said eating... and he was like oo well atleast ur not like eating a piece of lettuce for supper still... and i was just like (in my head) dude chris shit the FUCK up... sallie... of course having my back... said *she eats more than i do!!* from behind the counter... yeah she def saved my ass... god i hate when he does shit like that... like he doesnt understand that i DONT want people to know about that shit... god stupid fucker... >*rolls eyes*<...
but... a n y w a y s... chris and candi broke it off... which means that chris is officially avaliable again... and wer supposed to be going to the movies on sunday too... but i dont think i could do that to candi... devan yeah maybe... but candiz just to unstable for me to do something like that... but then i feel bad saying that cause i know that if he came on to me that i probably would =/... iv had feelings for him for over a year now... some times they were more *faint* than other times but as far as i know they were always there... =(... and more recently they are gettin harder and harder to ignore... to bad hez leaving for like the whole of 1st semester for florida!!!! to be with charlie!! im gonna miss him so much =/
yeah i was planning on going to breakiez with candi on saturday but thatz not gonna happen... o well... friday il probably be with brittany... gettin majorly fucked up =) *numb myself* and then saturday... im guessing im still open... and then sunday movies with chris...
*sigh* i miss jeremy... itz pathetic... i mean yeah hez an ass and he totally fucked me over... but that doesnt change the fact that i like him... still... its hard for me to get over things like that real quickly... i just hope i dont have to see him... its hard enough to go online and see his sn... to dial his number and then realize that he doesnt want to talk to me and have to cancle the call... it hurts... but if i saw him... i think id just like... start crying... im like never going to McDz ever again just cause i dont want to see him... which kinda sucks cause kyle works there and hez a cool kid... and nate... my nate... and louis... =/... ugh... w/e i cant even think about it anymore
my mom checked my arm again =/... she saw part of the burn and some of the new cuts... but she only moved my bracelets a little bit so she didnt see the rest of it... she did the traditional *you need to learn a new way to deal with stress* speech... i wasnt really paying attention but i remember her saying "you cant do that stuff forever" and i just thought *wanna bet? cause i think i can...* =( iv pretty much given up *stopping*... and iv been doing it more and more lately... sometimes at work, when im bored, i get teh strongest urge to just grab my razor out of my backpack and "go to the bathroom"... just out of boredom... and that scares me... i duno...
chris roy made another *public comment* on my ana situation... when i went to visit sallie at work (me and britt) he was there and i told him that we had just gotten back from packards and he was like what were you doing there and i said eating... and he was like oo well atleast ur not like eating a piece of lettuce for supper still... and i was just like (in my head) dude chris shit the FUCK up... sallie... of course having my back... said *she eats more than i do!!* from behind the counter... yeah she def saved my ass... god i hate when he does shit like that... like he doesnt understand that i DONT want people to know about that shit... god stupid fucker... >*rolls eyes*<...
but... a n y w a y s... chris and candi broke it off... which means that chris is officially avaliable again... and wer supposed to be going to the movies on sunday too... but i dont think i could do that to candi... devan yeah maybe... but candiz just to unstable for me to do something like that... but then i feel bad saying that cause i know that if he came on to me that i probably would =/... iv had feelings for him for over a year now... some times they were more *faint* than other times but as far as i know they were always there... =(... and more recently they are gettin harder and harder to ignore... to bad hez leaving for like the whole of 1st semester for florida!!!! to be with charlie!! im gonna miss him so much =/
yeah i was planning on going to breakiez with candi on saturday but thatz not gonna happen... o well... friday il probably be with brittany... gettin majorly fucked up =) *numb myself* and then saturday... im guessing im still open... and then sunday movies with chris...
*sigh* i miss jeremy... itz pathetic... i mean yeah hez an ass and he totally fucked me over... but that doesnt change the fact that i like him... still... its hard for me to get over things like that real quickly... i just hope i dont have to see him... its hard enough to go online and see his sn... to dial his number and then realize that he doesnt want to talk to me and have to cancle the call... it hurts... but if i saw him... i think id just like... start crying... im like never going to McDz ever again just cause i dont want to see him... which kinda sucks cause kyle works there and hez a cool kid... and nate... my nate... and louis... =/... ugh... w/e i cant even think about it anymore