Woe.
I have one single neurotic passion. That passion is backpacks.
I have never, in my life, had a backpack with which I was pleased. Sure, I've had the fleeting appreciation. A sort of backpack puppylove, if you will - but it always devolves into a deep seated resentment that may be the source of all my worldly dissatisfaction. I feel unorganized and, more profoundly, out of control. My possessions should be accessible to me at any moment. I should be able to fluidly deposit and withdraw them at whim. That is not the reality, and is starting to feel like an impossible dream.
This American Life featured an episode in which a man spends ten years seeking out the perfect couch. He has this near Platonic envisage of the right couch, the true couch, the couch of his dreams, but it has never been materialized. In his conquest he's learned nearly everything about couches - and is now probably more knowledgeable than most couch manufacturers. But, during his search, he's settled on a secondhand piece of crap. He sits, sometimes lays, on that crummy couch every day just because nothing can meet his standards. That is just like me.
I've bought tons of clearance backpacks at Staples, hoping they might work temporarily. The current backpack I've settled on is a Jansport messenger laptop bag that cost me 3.50. It's too long and all my books get shifted around and I had to tear off the Velcro [I couldn't stealthily access the contents in the middle of class otherwise!] so now it has a hole. I brought a fancy little 1.50 laptop case to San Francisco last week. There were too many inner pockets, the outer pockets were too difficult to fasten, and the straps' hinges kept falling apart. Moreover, I ended up losing/leaving behind most of my possessions at one point of another. Jeff observed that I need a system. I agree, Jeff, but that system cannot be realized without the right backpack!
Here, I will admit it: I own over 10 backpacks. I've tried two straps [they never look cool], those one strap sling bags [I always end up just wearing it over one shoulder - pulling it over my head is difficult with headphones on], laptop cases [they're not made for books; an acceptable fault], duffel bags [what was I thinking?], totes [I blame their lack of pockets for all the damage on my glasses' lenses], and messenger bags.
Messenger bag seems like the right format, but I always have some complaint. I can't tolerate something that takes too long to close, and also need some sort of pocket accessible without opening the main compartment [zippered or buckled]. I need some division of the main compartment, but not too excessive so that I am primarily carrying around flaps of cloth. Several smaller pockets on the inside are necessary [To hold keys, pens, and glasses]. I need something in an earth tone. Brown, olive green. Gray or black is acceptable, but discouraged. I have a fondness for those bags that are longer vertically than horizontally, but I worry about weight distribution. A design is possible, but it must be something I like. A tree, maybe the silhouette of a bird. God help me if it's shoes or rings or some pompous designer's dumbass initials.
I don't think I'll ever own a purse. There is not enough room, it is too chaotic, they are supposed to be expensive and that is silly. A coworker once recommended a goddamn Coach DIAPER BAG. What the hell. What in God's name is wrong with you, boy.
Anyway, I spend a lot of my time gazing at people's backpacks. I identify classmates with whom I've never spoken by their backpack. There goes chartreuse double strap, oh, khaki laptop bag is late today! etc. I respect those with hardy looking messenger bags by default - sometimes recognizing where they were purchased. Double or single strap backpacks are met with slight approval. Totes and expensive purses disgust me - especially when I see a girl carrying some sort of bag AND HER BOOKS SEPARATELY. Then sometimes I think "Perhaps they share my purgatory and have merely settled" and it soothes me.
I have never, in my life, had a backpack with which I was pleased. Sure, I've had the fleeting appreciation. A sort of backpack puppylove, if you will - but it always devolves into a deep seated resentment that may be the source of all my worldly dissatisfaction. I feel unorganized and, more profoundly, out of control. My possessions should be accessible to me at any moment. I should be able to fluidly deposit and withdraw them at whim. That is not the reality, and is starting to feel like an impossible dream.
This American Life featured an episode in which a man spends ten years seeking out the perfect couch. He has this near Platonic envisage of the right couch, the true couch, the couch of his dreams, but it has never been materialized. In his conquest he's learned nearly everything about couches - and is now probably more knowledgeable than most couch manufacturers. But, during his search, he's settled on a secondhand piece of crap. He sits, sometimes lays, on that crummy couch every day just because nothing can meet his standards. That is just like me.
I've bought tons of clearance backpacks at Staples, hoping they might work temporarily. The current backpack I've settled on is a Jansport messenger laptop bag that cost me 3.50. It's too long and all my books get shifted around and I had to tear off the Velcro [I couldn't stealthily access the contents in the middle of class otherwise!] so now it has a hole. I brought a fancy little 1.50 laptop case to San Francisco last week. There were too many inner pockets, the outer pockets were too difficult to fasten, and the straps' hinges kept falling apart. Moreover, I ended up losing/leaving behind most of my possessions at one point of another. Jeff observed that I need a system. I agree, Jeff, but that system cannot be realized without the right backpack!
Here, I will admit it: I own over 10 backpacks. I've tried two straps [they never look cool], those one strap sling bags [I always end up just wearing it over one shoulder - pulling it over my head is difficult with headphones on], laptop cases [they're not made for books; an acceptable fault], duffel bags [what was I thinking?], totes [I blame their lack of pockets for all the damage on my glasses' lenses], and messenger bags.
Messenger bag seems like the right format, but I always have some complaint. I can't tolerate something that takes too long to close, and also need some sort of pocket accessible without opening the main compartment [zippered or buckled]. I need some division of the main compartment, but not too excessive so that I am primarily carrying around flaps of cloth. Several smaller pockets on the inside are necessary [To hold keys, pens, and glasses]. I need something in an earth tone. Brown, olive green. Gray or black is acceptable, but discouraged. I have a fondness for those bags that are longer vertically than horizontally, but I worry about weight distribution. A design is possible, but it must be something I like. A tree, maybe the silhouette of a bird. God help me if it's shoes or rings or some pompous designer's dumbass initials.
I don't think I'll ever own a purse. There is not enough room, it is too chaotic, they are supposed to be expensive and that is silly. A coworker once recommended a goddamn Coach DIAPER BAG. What the hell. What in God's name is wrong with you, boy.
Anyway, I spend a lot of my time gazing at people's backpacks. I identify classmates with whom I've never spoken by their backpack. There goes chartreuse double strap, oh, khaki laptop bag is late today! etc. I respect those with hardy looking messenger bags by default - sometimes recognizing where they were purchased. Double or single strap backpacks are met with slight approval. Totes and expensive purses disgust me - especially when I see a girl carrying some sort of bag AND HER BOOKS SEPARATELY. Then sometimes I think "Perhaps they share my purgatory and have merely settled" and it soothes me.