hm...
i got nudged to update.. soo i guess ill update, though i could have easily had a comment posted sayin "hey fuckin update or ill be you with your own leg!!"
its short, and its just something that has been troubling me for the last 24 hours or less..
Angel is back..... thats not the troubling part this next part is...
she has told me she has wanted me more then a few times, yet last night i tried to kiss her when she asked me whats wrong (ill mention what was wrong in a lil bit) she moved away from me... im back to square one with her, the teasing of me, her teasing me, making me think she wants me and then backing off.... and ontop of that she will soon have another guy or guys to think about before me, like every other time... the only reason why i think she has even bitten me, or tried to turn me on is just because there were no other guys that seemed to be visiting her... and then there is her telling me awhile ago that she wants a person to dominate her, to challenge her... id challenge her or try to dominate her if i didint think id make her go into flash back mode.... ive done it twice in the past with just innocent things, not meaning to.. sexually trying to dominate is not innocent, i mean its sexual so you cannot really call it innocent. i wouldnt rape just mentioning that so no one gets that idea in their head. I used to think she was a challenge, hard to figure out, but with her just repeating her actions of before with me, the same steps of the same dance... i think i know.... now, what was wrong with me?
I want angel, i want jenny, i want crystal, and i want quite a few others and i want to try to protect them physically, mentally and spiritually, and the harder i try the more drained i am, the farther i go into annoyence or sadness... depression i suppose... good guys finish last, and i tend to be one of the best there is... no wonder i tend to be lonely... Crystal wants to date me, i know this very well, make no mistake i love her to no end, but she can do better then me, she has great things in her life, she will be great i got that feeling with her, and im not the one... though i wish her to find another person to love, i want to be there to check this guy out... go with my gut, my gut has never lied to me before... ill be greatly sadened the day she finds someone else but ill be happy as well...
its short, and its just something that has been troubling me for the last 24 hours or less..
Angel is back..... thats not the troubling part this next part is...
she has told me she has wanted me more then a few times, yet last night i tried to kiss her when she asked me whats wrong (ill mention what was wrong in a lil bit) she moved away from me... im back to square one with her, the teasing of me, her teasing me, making me think she wants me and then backing off.... and ontop of that she will soon have another guy or guys to think about before me, like every other time... the only reason why i think she has even bitten me, or tried to turn me on is just because there were no other guys that seemed to be visiting her... and then there is her telling me awhile ago that she wants a person to dominate her, to challenge her... id challenge her or try to dominate her if i didint think id make her go into flash back mode.... ive done it twice in the past with just innocent things, not meaning to.. sexually trying to dominate is not innocent, i mean its sexual so you cannot really call it innocent. i wouldnt rape just mentioning that so no one gets that idea in their head. I used to think she was a challenge, hard to figure out, but with her just repeating her actions of before with me, the same steps of the same dance... i think i know.... now, what was wrong with me?
I want angel, i want jenny, i want crystal, and i want quite a few others and i want to try to protect them physically, mentally and spiritually, and the harder i try the more drained i am, the farther i go into annoyence or sadness... depression i suppose... good guys finish last, and i tend to be one of the best there is... no wonder i tend to be lonely... Crystal wants to date me, i know this very well, make no mistake i love her to no end, but she can do better then me, she has great things in her life, she will be great i got that feeling with her, and im not the one... though i wish her to find another person to love, i want to be there to check this guy out... go with my gut, my gut has never lied to me before... ill be greatly sadened the day she finds someone else but ill be happy as well...