Oh yikes.
I popped in for a hot minute to reach out to a friend back home that I had long lost touch with but never forgot about, and have been perusing my old posts. Looking back into who I was ten years ago, fifteen years ago, and so on, has been truly terrifying. All I can really say is that, while I am grateful for the experiences that shaped me into the person I am today, I am absolutely mortified of the person that I used to be. My mental health was a disaster, my narcissism left to run amuck, and it's really true what they say about LiveJournal friendships being the truest, and strongest of friendships, forged in fire. I can't change who I was, but I am constantly working on, and evolving, on who I am in the present. To those of you who were my friend, who tried to be my friend, and those who still are my friend, I really am grateful. You saw me at my rawest, a state of constant flux, of unchecked mental illness and turbulent emotions, and you tried to be supportive and kind. It meant a lot, and while my 2000-2010 self may not have appreciated you as much as you deserved, my adult self does. I really am so grateful for the lasting connections I made from my time on this site. I think that's part of why I could never bring myself to fully close the account down. I spent a very large amount of my life on this site, and a big part of me has been left here. Reading those posts was a very uncomfortable, yet important reminder of how far I have come and how different my priorities are now.
I am still residing in San Diego. My life here is not quite what I had hoped, the person who I made the move for was not quite what he claimed, and after a relationship filled with emotional abuse and misery, we finally parted ways and I began to experience San Diego and California life for myself in a whole new, and much brighter way. I have dated a little bit, but mostly enjoyed being a lone wolf to focus on myself and my friendships first and foremost, healing from the trauma and trying in general to just be a better human. I documented some pretty dark moments of my life here and it's probably for the best that I didn't document the last decade of my life, as it got a lot worse before it got better... but the point is that it DID get better. Before Covid, I was thriving in the events industry as a Graphic Designer and while the pandemic has demolished the industry, I am grateful that I have been able to be safe at home and have yet to contract the virus. Right now with my career in limbo and a pandemic still running rampant after an entire year, I would hardly say I am *thriving*, but I'm doing okay. I really love living in San Diego, it's a beautiful city, full of amazing people, and I live in an incredible part of it. I wish what had happened... didn't, and I don't think anyone deserves to be treated that way by anyone, let alone by a person that you love, but I would not have moved down here, I would not be the same person I am right now, and I would not have these incredible people in my life. At the time of writing this, I have met somebody new who has been really helping me to learn how to be emotionally vulnerable and trust again, and I hope that whenever I once again feel so inclined to check on my past self, that person will still be there and we'll have forged many great memories together! It's all very new but I'm pretty excited.
As a side note: My cat Ryoko is still alive and doing great! She's turning 18 in just under 6 weeks and still has so much fire.
I am still residing in San Diego. My life here is not quite what I had hoped, the person who I made the move for was not quite what he claimed, and after a relationship filled with emotional abuse and misery, we finally parted ways and I began to experience San Diego and California life for myself in a whole new, and much brighter way. I have dated a little bit, but mostly enjoyed being a lone wolf to focus on myself and my friendships first and foremost, healing from the trauma and trying in general to just be a better human. I documented some pretty dark moments of my life here and it's probably for the best that I didn't document the last decade of my life, as it got a lot worse before it got better... but the point is that it DID get better. Before Covid, I was thriving in the events industry as a Graphic Designer and while the pandemic has demolished the industry, I am grateful that I have been able to be safe at home and have yet to contract the virus. Right now with my career in limbo and a pandemic still running rampant after an entire year, I would hardly say I am *thriving*, but I'm doing okay. I really love living in San Diego, it's a beautiful city, full of amazing people, and I live in an incredible part of it. I wish what had happened... didn't, and I don't think anyone deserves to be treated that way by anyone, let alone by a person that you love, but I would not have moved down here, I would not be the same person I am right now, and I would not have these incredible people in my life. At the time of writing this, I have met somebody new who has been really helping me to learn how to be emotionally vulnerable and trust again, and I hope that whenever I once again feel so inclined to check on my past self, that person will still be there and we'll have forged many great memories together! It's all very new but I'm pretty excited.
As a side note: My cat Ryoko is still alive and doing great! She's turning 18 in just under 6 weeks and still has so much fire.