Weirdness
Sometimes I just don't get my grandma. Of course, we're generations apart, but sometimes it just seems like she brings so much unnecessary bullshit to the table. I don't think she's intentionally being a bitch, and that a part of it is a reflection of how she feels about herself, but it's getting quite old.
So, after my shower, I head back to the computer room to do some more editing. Normal stuff, really. She yells up the stairs that dinner is ready. Since I don't hear anyone else heading in, I figure I have a little time and that I could start up some laundry. No big deal...
I get into the kitchen, and she says how tired she is from working outside. "I wanted to ask you for help (to clean up the branches of the olive tree that Mark just trimmed), but you were in the shower," she said in one of the pissiest tones I've had the pleasure of hearing to date, "and you don't want to get dirty." I told her she should have just said something to me - after all, I could easily take another shower, if there's a substantial amount of work to be done... I'd love to help. Then, even more sternly, she said "You *don't* want to get dirty." I didn't really say anything... I guess I didn't want to get dirty.
After that, she points to the pot with the pot roast. I take off the lid, and the stuff is melting off beautifully. I tell her it looks great and she starts searching frantically for a plate to put it on. I assure her it'll be fine if we just take it from the pot, then she got mad at me and sat down. I ask her if I can fix her a plate and she waves me off saying "No, I'll get it myself." Mark came in, washed his hands - I think he could sense something weird. She said "I'm just so thirsty." So we get her a glass of water, fix her a plate of dinner. She wants me to pray.
I'm agnostic, borderlining on atheistic.
So, I try to come up with something to say, but end up tripping over my words. How do you say "Thank you Lord..." when you don't believe in "him." After the "amens" are over, she goes and gets some ice from the freezer and it tumbles from her hand to the floor. We offer to help her, and she said "no" again, so we just turned our attentions back to our plates.
Then magically, as though she hadn't been pissy at all, she started talking about something from her childhood, we laughed, smiled and I thought all would be well. Dinner was over, I sat and chatted for a bit, put my dish in the sink, got myself some water and decided to grab one of the many cookies in the house... In the week she's had these particular cookies I had only one other. So I grab the cookie and the first thing out of her mouth is "You're going to have to do extra exercises for that! You're going to get fat!"
Now, friends, that's the real nugget. She's been saying this periodically. Last year, I lost 35 pounds. I've put back on 8 of those in the last 6 months. So. Fucking. What!? I've started to ramp up my workout, drink more water, watch what I eat, etc... why does she have to say that? Last time she said that was the first day she got the cookies. I grabbed one single cookie and she gave me a hard time. I asked her why she says that, mention all my weight loss, despite my gain over the past few months. I asked her if she thought I was fat, etc... then she said "I worry about my own weight. I can't just eat anything any more." So, why does she have to make me feel bad about my second cookie in a week's time? I'm not on any diet, and she knows I've been working out 4-5 times a week. Does she say this because she thinks it's going to encourage me... that by hearing her say it, I will feel like she's on my side?
I just feel like she's my diet enemy. Luckily, I don't have much of a sweet-tooth, so it's not like I wanted to stuff my face full of them - but there was the emotional part of me that wanted to polish off the plate of cookies in front of her face, just so I can hear her tell me how fat it will make me. Fuck! If it's so bad to eat the shit, then why does she bring it into the house? She keeps crap like that in constant supply... I eat about 1% of it... yet she gives me 99% of the hard time for it. WTF?
OK, rant over... Phew! The worst part, for me - and this is all about me, isn't it? - is that I really do love my grandmother, and I owe her so much. I don't like to feel this way, but I do every time she gets bitter and snappy at me. I offer my help, I'm turned down, and then made to feel like crap because I didn't help her... granted, it's not exactly how things went down today, but it's a part of the same cycle with her.
Oh well, time to move on.
So, after my shower, I head back to the computer room to do some more editing. Normal stuff, really. She yells up the stairs that dinner is ready. Since I don't hear anyone else heading in, I figure I have a little time and that I could start up some laundry. No big deal...
I get into the kitchen, and she says how tired she is from working outside. "I wanted to ask you for help (to clean up the branches of the olive tree that Mark just trimmed), but you were in the shower," she said in one of the pissiest tones I've had the pleasure of hearing to date, "and you don't want to get dirty." I told her she should have just said something to me - after all, I could easily take another shower, if there's a substantial amount of work to be done... I'd love to help. Then, even more sternly, she said "You *don't* want to get dirty." I didn't really say anything... I guess I didn't want to get dirty.
After that, she points to the pot with the pot roast. I take off the lid, and the stuff is melting off beautifully. I tell her it looks great and she starts searching frantically for a plate to put it on. I assure her it'll be fine if we just take it from the pot, then she got mad at me and sat down. I ask her if I can fix her a plate and she waves me off saying "No, I'll get it myself." Mark came in, washed his hands - I think he could sense something weird. She said "I'm just so thirsty." So we get her a glass of water, fix her a plate of dinner. She wants me to pray.
I'm agnostic, borderlining on atheistic.
So, I try to come up with something to say, but end up tripping over my words. How do you say "Thank you Lord..." when you don't believe in "him." After the "amens" are over, she goes and gets some ice from the freezer and it tumbles from her hand to the floor. We offer to help her, and she said "no" again, so we just turned our attentions back to our plates.
Then magically, as though she hadn't been pissy at all, she started talking about something from her childhood, we laughed, smiled and I thought all would be well. Dinner was over, I sat and chatted for a bit, put my dish in the sink, got myself some water and decided to grab one of the many cookies in the house... In the week she's had these particular cookies I had only one other. So I grab the cookie and the first thing out of her mouth is "You're going to have to do extra exercises for that! You're going to get fat!"
Now, friends, that's the real nugget. She's been saying this periodically. Last year, I lost 35 pounds. I've put back on 8 of those in the last 6 months. So. Fucking. What!? I've started to ramp up my workout, drink more water, watch what I eat, etc... why does she have to say that? Last time she said that was the first day she got the cookies. I grabbed one single cookie and she gave me a hard time. I asked her why she says that, mention all my weight loss, despite my gain over the past few months. I asked her if she thought I was fat, etc... then she said "I worry about my own weight. I can't just eat anything any more." So, why does she have to make me feel bad about my second cookie in a week's time? I'm not on any diet, and she knows I've been working out 4-5 times a week. Does she say this because she thinks it's going to encourage me... that by hearing her say it, I will feel like she's on my side?
I just feel like she's my diet enemy. Luckily, I don't have much of a sweet-tooth, so it's not like I wanted to stuff my face full of them - but there was the emotional part of me that wanted to polish off the plate of cookies in front of her face, just so I can hear her tell me how fat it will make me. Fuck! If it's so bad to eat the shit, then why does she bring it into the house? She keeps crap like that in constant supply... I eat about 1% of it... yet she gives me 99% of the hard time for it. WTF?
OK, rant over... Phew! The worst part, for me - and this is all about me, isn't it? - is that I really do love my grandmother, and I owe her so much. I don't like to feel this way, but I do every time she gets bitter and snappy at me. I offer my help, I'm turned down, and then made to feel like crap because I didn't help her... granted, it's not exactly how things went down today, but it's a part of the same cycle with her.
Oh well, time to move on.