Reasons 345987 and 345988 why I love Boris
345987. Boris: "So the guy I was with was like...'Tomorrow I'm going to go to IKEA. I love IKEA. Like, my whole life was purchased from IKEA."
Me: "Ahh! IKEA scares us!"
Boris: "Yeah, I was like 'I've only been in IKEA once, and...it made me feel like I was a sperm again.'"
345988. Boris: "So I was having, like, grandparent press conference in my room about my future."
Me: "ohhhhh, BEEN THERE."
Boris: "Yeah and they're just like, 'So what courses are you taking?' and stuff...and then I started telling them about how you and I are writing a book, and that we want to get it done while we're still young because of the star power that entails...at which point my grandpa says the most awkward thing, he's like...'U Rini yest malchik?'" (translation: "Does Renee have a boy?")
Me: "hahaha! I've been waiting for something like that to happen."
Boris: "Yeah, well, I mean...so what I said was, well, actually, she DID have one, but recently they've kind of called it off..."
Me: "What did he say? 'Boris, you gotta LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN.'"
Boris: "UM, BASICALLY. He was like...'A POCHEMU NE TI?'" (translation: "and WHY NOT YOU?")
Me: "Hahahahahahahaahahahah!....dude, but like, if I were operating within his frame of reference I'd be asking the same question."
Boris: "I know, but like - you know how you always tell me the story of how your grandpa will be sitting at the table and just saying all this random shit, and your grandma will turn to him after a moment go, like, 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SERIOUSLY.' Well that's EXACTLY what happened, everyone in the room just turns to him and goes 'NU KAKOY VOPROS?' (translation: WELL WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT??) and it was hilarious."
Me: "But how did you explain why we aren't together? I mean if I were him I'd be wondering that too...we are ALWAYS TOGETHER."
Boris: "No, I think I explained it in a way that makes sense, which was basically......'I mean, do YOU sleep with people you work with?'"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHA! It's like that expression...which one...'don't take a shit'...something. Or like, don't bite the hand that feeds you?"
Boris: "No, no, it's 'don't shit where you eat.'"
Me: "That's the one!"
Me: "Ahh! IKEA scares us!"
Boris: "Yeah, I was like 'I've only been in IKEA once, and...it made me feel like I was a sperm again.'"
345988. Boris: "So I was having, like, grandparent press conference in my room about my future."
Me: "ohhhhh, BEEN THERE."
Boris: "Yeah and they're just like, 'So what courses are you taking?' and stuff...and then I started telling them about how you and I are writing a book, and that we want to get it done while we're still young because of the star power that entails...at which point my grandpa says the most awkward thing, he's like...'U Rini yest malchik?'" (translation: "Does Renee have a boy?")
Me: "hahaha! I've been waiting for something like that to happen."
Boris: "Yeah, well, I mean...so what I said was, well, actually, she DID have one, but recently they've kind of called it off..."
Me: "What did he say? 'Boris, you gotta LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN.'"
Boris: "UM, BASICALLY. He was like...'A POCHEMU NE TI?'" (translation: "and WHY NOT YOU?")
Me: "Hahahahahahahaahahahah!....dude, but like, if I were operating within his frame of reference I'd be asking the same question."
Boris: "I know, but like - you know how you always tell me the story of how your grandpa will be sitting at the table and just saying all this random shit, and your grandma will turn to him after a moment go, like, 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SERIOUSLY.' Well that's EXACTLY what happened, everyone in the room just turns to him and goes 'NU KAKOY VOPROS?' (translation: WELL WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT??) and it was hilarious."
Me: "But how did you explain why we aren't together? I mean if I were him I'd be wondering that too...we are ALWAYS TOGETHER."
Boris: "No, I think I explained it in a way that makes sense, which was basically......'I mean, do YOU sleep with people you work with?'"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHA! It's like that expression...which one...'don't take a shit'...something. Or like, don't bite the hand that feeds you?"
Boris: "No, no, it's 'don't shit where you eat.'"
Me: "That's the one!"