late
been bust and yet... nothing has really changed. still waiting still working. still missing someone and still letting my demons rage.
you see there are times when i have something to do. i try to help people but not in the normal "lemme hold that door open for you" kinda of help. i set people on a path that will help them and others. sometimes i bring a bit of joy other times i am a sponge absorbing their problems and concerns other times i am nothing to know one and that helps. i've fucked, cried, laughed, sat still, listened, sang, wrote, lied, been completely tactless and lied my ass off . i've lost part of myself to help others in this way and sometimes it was for people i felt ddint deserve the chance. i dont know why i do what i do but i know i have done it a lot and that i have fucked things up a few times. when i tried to make things for myself it blew up in my face because it was just for me. i grow old and tired somedays. i am a bad person in the end, underneath it all.
the scent of clover in bloom was everywhere today! it lifts my spirits each time. the scent... makes me think that is what heaven must be like. warm, comforting, peaceful. and in other good news, i just received my "Squee's Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors" cute and mindchurningly twisted at the same time. it made me happy :D
three army commendation medals, one expeditionary service medal, two defense ribbons, two WOT ribbons, one good conduct medal, three coins(only one of which i am proud of), three blood stripes, one service stripe and a taste for alcohol is what i am coing out of the army with. kinda sad.
listening to roads by portishead. great song makes me think of so much at once my brain shuts down and focuses on a one thing. sadness betrayal love and misery. right now it makes me think that i wrote what i needed to and should stop.
you see there are times when i have something to do. i try to help people but not in the normal "lemme hold that door open for you" kinda of help. i set people on a path that will help them and others. sometimes i bring a bit of joy other times i am a sponge absorbing their problems and concerns other times i am nothing to know one and that helps. i've fucked, cried, laughed, sat still, listened, sang, wrote, lied, been completely tactless and lied my ass off . i've lost part of myself to help others in this way and sometimes it was for people i felt ddint deserve the chance. i dont know why i do what i do but i know i have done it a lot and that i have fucked things up a few times. when i tried to make things for myself it blew up in my face because it was just for me. i grow old and tired somedays. i am a bad person in the end, underneath it all.
the scent of clover in bloom was everywhere today! it lifts my spirits each time. the scent... makes me think that is what heaven must be like. warm, comforting, peaceful. and in other good news, i just received my "Squee's Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors" cute and mindchurningly twisted at the same time. it made me happy :D
three army commendation medals, one expeditionary service medal, two defense ribbons, two WOT ribbons, one good conduct medal, three coins(only one of which i am proud of), three blood stripes, one service stripe and a taste for alcohol is what i am coing out of the army with. kinda sad.
listening to roads by portishead. great song makes me think of so much at once my brain shuts down and focuses on a one thing. sadness betrayal love and misery. right now it makes me think that i wrote what i needed to and should stop.