Don't mind me, I'm just quitting
How can I still want a cig so friggin badly?!??!?! Why hasn't my mood improved????? I feel fat and yucky and gross, back watching my weight and working out since the lack of nic induced dopamine to my brain has me wanting nothing but NA rewarding food!!!!
I am so pissed at myself! It is like I am missing a part of me that has always been there, I just sit there feeling lost and unsatisfied...I started coloring..yeah with crayons and color pencils...it helps sometimes...I chew a lot of gum.....I think it is worse without the Chantix.....I just feel meh alot more than I use to....My friend, 10 months out..says she still wants a cig, not as bad but still wants one none the less...BULLSHIT! I do not want to live the rest of my life WANTING something I can not have!!!! Total bullshit I tell you! And she has gained prob 40+ lbs....I will not have any of that!!!! Not after I worked so hard to lose weight, NO NO NO NO!
I am at war with myself, guess that means at the very least I will win something :D
Meh, again! I should delete the cupcake blog from my friends list LOL just makes me want :)
Thank goddess I don't have a smokers one added!
I can have just one, right? Every now and again....I can do that, can't I? It's just crap, total crap and it makes me very unhappy and miserable!
Which sucks b/c my life is super bad ass fucking rockstar ace!!
but I just can't seem to enjoy anything for too long, a few hours I can forget and then..BAM! right back in my face....I should just go to bed and try again tomorrow! Meh a third time :D
Sweet dreams, I'm sure they are better than mine these days ;D
I am so pissed at myself! It is like I am missing a part of me that has always been there, I just sit there feeling lost and unsatisfied...I started coloring..yeah with crayons and color pencils...it helps sometimes...I chew a lot of gum.....I think it is worse without the Chantix.....I just feel meh alot more than I use to....My friend, 10 months out..says she still wants a cig, not as bad but still wants one none the less...BULLSHIT! I do not want to live the rest of my life WANTING something I can not have!!!! Total bullshit I tell you! And she has gained prob 40+ lbs....I will not have any of that!!!! Not after I worked so hard to lose weight, NO NO NO NO!
I am at war with myself, guess that means at the very least I will win something :D
Meh, again! I should delete the cupcake blog from my friends list LOL just makes me want :)
Thank goddess I don't have a smokers one added!
I can have just one, right? Every now and again....I can do that, can't I? It's just crap, total crap and it makes me very unhappy and miserable!
Which sucks b/c my life is super bad ass fucking rockstar ace!!
but I just can't seem to enjoy anything for too long, a few hours I can forget and then..BAM! right back in my face....I should just go to bed and try again tomorrow! Meh a third time :D
Sweet dreams, I'm sure they are better than mine these days ;D