Of Gratitude and Revenge
A stress-free weekend gave me time to re-visit some of the books I've always wanted to read but never had time to. When scanning "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene, I saw this quote:
"Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure." - Tacitus, c. A.D. 55-120
Much as I want to disagree on "gratitude is a burden", I recall some friends who thought this way. I recall some days when I would think this way. One good friend has a good term for repaying benefits: "social obligations". Now that I think about it, it's such an ugly term. I would like to believe that when I do good to someone, it's because I wanted to. And tho I wouldn't expect anything in return..I would like to believe that when they do, it's because they want to..not because it's a social obligation.
The latter part of the quote reminded me of the many times I'd catch myself considering whether to let go or to get even. I admit. Most times, I wanted to get even. The devil on my left shoulder usually talks louder than the angel on the other. My rationale then was always, "Nobody deserves to be treated that way." Moreover, I shouldn't let them get away with it or they'll do it again..maybe not to me, but to others. And on several occasions, I almost carried out whatever little evil plan I had in mind. Just the thought of what it'll do to the people who betrayed me, or did me wrong, gave me pleasure. It felt good. Haaaay...ampangeth =/
Key word: Almost.
And I'm glad I never pushed through with those little evil plans. Something would always hold me back..either by ME or, (co)incidentally, by the wrong time or place, etc. I would start crying for the frustrated plan..but end up in relief for not being able to carry it out. Most times, I would find myself talking to the very same person who did me wrong, about what and why it happened. In some cases, our friendship would be better, if not stronger. For the rest, I could only wonder once in a while whatever happened to them. And that I'm glad I have no reason to see them again.
Hmmm...I guess the angel on my shoulder may not be that loud..but it finds ways to bring me back to my senses. And it feels a lot better that way. As what Hunny would say,
"It's so happy-making!"
=)