(no subject)
Okay, so, whining aside, I've apparently have 71,956 words of this story. Yeah, I don't know how that happened either, especially since I've only been writing it for 6 weeks. I think the words breed overnight - I'll read it back and find pages of nonsense in the middle where the words had babies that make no sense.
And now I'm making no sense.
Anyway, since the bigbang community is allowing people to post snippets in comments if they've reached 15,000 words, and I've got that nearly 5 times over, I figured I'd
So, John and Cam, post memorial service after an event that will remain irritatingly unspecified here...
“Some days, I have no idea how you guys keep doing this,” Cam said, though he hadn’t intended to.
John shook his head, looking back at the marines. “It’s not always like this,” he said. “Some days are amazing.” He sounded worn through, unconvinced. Cam remembered that feeling, running after the grail and trying to make people believe Jackson was coming back. He’d done it a little too well, to the point that he stopped believing himself.
“It’s getting late,” he said, lowering his voice as the two marines passed close by on their way out. “You should get some sleep.”
“Right. Fun times with the wraith tomorrow,” John said. “Can’t wait.”
“Let’s just hope he shows up,” Cam said. He hadn’t done a lot of that kind of thing with SG-1; the SGC had enough teams to send someone else for the alliance building and the boring meetings, while his team got on with saving the world. Still, he couldn’t imagine that potential alliance building with the Wraith would be any less weird if he had. “Are you taking Teyla with you?”
John wasn’t showing any sign of actually leaving, so Cam started towards the door, relying on habit to bring John with him. It did.
“I’m not sure Teyla’s still on the team,” John said. He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking close enough that his elbow brushed Cam’s for a moment, before he shifted away. Cam waited for the explanation - it didn’t always work on John, but it had a better than 50-50 success rate. Much better than actually asking. “I think she might have quit.”
Cam could imagine that conversation, between Teyla’s barely contained frustration when she’d removed herself from the rescue mission, and the way she and John had looked at each other, tense and upset, when she’d walked into the memorial, then not looked at each other at all.
“It’s your team,” he pointed out, in lieu of giving advice that he was sure John wouldn’t take. Their footsteps sounded in sync along the empty corridors; most people seemed to have retired for the night after the service. “She’d go if you asked her.”
“Right,” John said, expressionless. They walked a little further in silence, heading vaguely towards the residential quarters. “She wants to stay on the team, make her own decisions about which missions are safe.”
“She’s the leader of her people,” Cam said. “She’d need a good sense of danger.” Along with the ability to sense the Wraith, which could really only be a good thing in Pegasus.
“I know,” John said. He sighed. “I just don’t want her to get hurt.” He paused, looking at the floor, then said, “And it seems like the chance to have a family makes her happy,” sounding surprised.
“People want to belong,” Cam said, remembering meeting John years ago, back when he’d still been trying to slide into the Air Force machine, before he’d decided that it wasn’t going to happen. It was actually far easier for Cam to see that John in this one than it was for him to see the man he’d known later. Not that he intended to say this to John. “They want to be part of something that matters.”
“I thought -“ John started. Another pause, and his steps slowed. “I thought this mattered to her. Us.”
“She wants to stay on the team, right?” Cam asked. “Doesn’t that tell you something?” The same way SG-1’s easy return had said that, objections aside, they’d welcomed the excuse to come back.
“Yeah.” John came to a stop, leaning against the wall. Cam stood next to him, waiting. “I just keep thinking - what would I tell Kanaan, if something happened? She’s carrying their child.”
“That Teyla was doing what she wanted to do, for the good of her people,” Cam said quietly. The same as he’d told Captain Alvarez’s parents when she’d been killed in a space battle, six months after he’d become leader of the 302’s blue team.
“Honor and dignity,” John said wryly, his expression twisted with the words. “Noble sacrifice for the greater good.”
Cam opened his mouth to say something, but John’s hand was on his arm, holding him still, and then John’s mouth was on his, warm and open and on the edge of desperate.
Cam kissed him back mostly automatically, instinct taking over as his eyes slid closed, John pressed close against him, everything else sliding away to leave behind this.
Somewhere close, a door thumped open, followed by the sound of two voices.
Cam felt John tense for an instant, before they both stepped back. He forced himself not to look for the source of the noise, knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it without seeming guilty. John turned his head slightly, hiding his face in shadow.
“Sorry,” he said, too low for Cam to pick out the tone. “That wasn’t fair.”
And now I'm making no sense.
Anyway, since the bigbang community is allowing people to post snippets in comments if they've reached 15,000 words, and I've got that nearly 5 times over, I figured I'd
So, John and Cam, post memorial service after an event that will remain irritatingly unspecified here...
“Some days, I have no idea how you guys keep doing this,” Cam said, though he hadn’t intended to.
John shook his head, looking back at the marines. “It’s not always like this,” he said. “Some days are amazing.” He sounded worn through, unconvinced. Cam remembered that feeling, running after the grail and trying to make people believe Jackson was coming back. He’d done it a little too well, to the point that he stopped believing himself.
“It’s getting late,” he said, lowering his voice as the two marines passed close by on their way out. “You should get some sleep.”
“Right. Fun times with the wraith tomorrow,” John said. “Can’t wait.”
“Let’s just hope he shows up,” Cam said. He hadn’t done a lot of that kind of thing with SG-1; the SGC had enough teams to send someone else for the alliance building and the boring meetings, while his team got on with saving the world. Still, he couldn’t imagine that potential alliance building with the Wraith would be any less weird if he had. “Are you taking Teyla with you?”
John wasn’t showing any sign of actually leaving, so Cam started towards the door, relying on habit to bring John with him. It did.
“I’m not sure Teyla’s still on the team,” John said. He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking close enough that his elbow brushed Cam’s for a moment, before he shifted away. Cam waited for the explanation - it didn’t always work on John, but it had a better than 50-50 success rate. Much better than actually asking. “I think she might have quit.”
Cam could imagine that conversation, between Teyla’s barely contained frustration when she’d removed herself from the rescue mission, and the way she and John had looked at each other, tense and upset, when she’d walked into the memorial, then not looked at each other at all.
“It’s your team,” he pointed out, in lieu of giving advice that he was sure John wouldn’t take. Their footsteps sounded in sync along the empty corridors; most people seemed to have retired for the night after the service. “She’d go if you asked her.”
“Right,” John said, expressionless. They walked a little further in silence, heading vaguely towards the residential quarters. “She wants to stay on the team, make her own decisions about which missions are safe.”
“She’s the leader of her people,” Cam said. “She’d need a good sense of danger.” Along with the ability to sense the Wraith, which could really only be a good thing in Pegasus.
“I know,” John said. He sighed. “I just don’t want her to get hurt.” He paused, looking at the floor, then said, “And it seems like the chance to have a family makes her happy,” sounding surprised.
“People want to belong,” Cam said, remembering meeting John years ago, back when he’d still been trying to slide into the Air Force machine, before he’d decided that it wasn’t going to happen. It was actually far easier for Cam to see that John in this one than it was for him to see the man he’d known later. Not that he intended to say this to John. “They want to be part of something that matters.”
“I thought -“ John started. Another pause, and his steps slowed. “I thought this mattered to her. Us.”
“She wants to stay on the team, right?” Cam asked. “Doesn’t that tell you something?” The same way SG-1’s easy return had said that, objections aside, they’d welcomed the excuse to come back.
“Yeah.” John came to a stop, leaning against the wall. Cam stood next to him, waiting. “I just keep thinking - what would I tell Kanaan, if something happened? She’s carrying their child.”
“That Teyla was doing what she wanted to do, for the good of her people,” Cam said quietly. The same as he’d told Captain Alvarez’s parents when she’d been killed in a space battle, six months after he’d become leader of the 302’s blue team.
“Honor and dignity,” John said wryly, his expression twisted with the words. “Noble sacrifice for the greater good.”
Cam opened his mouth to say something, but John’s hand was on his arm, holding him still, and then John’s mouth was on his, warm and open and on the edge of desperate.
Cam kissed him back mostly automatically, instinct taking over as his eyes slid closed, John pressed close against him, everything else sliding away to leave behind this.
Somewhere close, a door thumped open, followed by the sound of two voices.
Cam felt John tense for an instant, before they both stepped back. He forced himself not to look for the source of the noise, knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it without seeming guilty. John turned his head slightly, hiding his face in shadow.
“Sorry,” he said, too low for Cam to pick out the tone. “That wasn’t fair.”