semi serious post

[blufire1]

I have a hard time being open and honest with people about whats REALLY going on in my life.  I mean personal struggles, thoughts Im afraid to say out loud, or God forbid I mention my fears.  Part of me feels like I have to put on a face as if everything is A-ok, even if my world is falling apart.  Last night, I actually spilled some personal issues on a "self-help"  type message board.  Its a place for people to talk about their personal drama and ask for advice.  In an impulse move, I joined and admitted things that have been really bothering me; things that I would only tell my closest friends.  Afterwords I felt so self-conscious that I tried deleting the post, but it wouldnt let me.  And earlier today I made a post on LJ that I deleted cause I was talking about some fears.  Once in my poetry class I wrote a poem about my struggles and my teacher loved it so much that he entered it in a contest. "Its got a lot of passion," he said.  But I felt so embarassed because it wasnt painting a pretty picture of my life.  I felt like I needed to apologize for something.  ....but on that self-help website, someone DID respond to my post, and you know what? It DID help.  I think I just need to learn to be honest and open to people and not be ashamed of any dirt in my life, cause everyone's got that.

.....on an off topic note, someone left me the BEST tip ever today!!!  It wasnt money!  It was a nice bottle of wine, with a note saying how pleasant the service was at the resort.  She also left me Heinekin in the fridge.  That made my day.