May be it's the meds...
I might be delirious, but...
I've figured it out. I have trust issues that arise when I let someone in. I'm fine in a relationship so long as I'm still guarded and not so involved. Once I've let that person in and really start sharing a part of myself and all my vulnerabilities, I'm no longer comfortable.
I've been told I'm codependent. Be that the truth or not, it's a problem that I'm wanting that person around and to share all these deeper aspects of a relationship but not trust him simultaneously. I've been so hurt in the past, I don't know how to let it go. I had no reason to not trust him. All my freak-outs and worries come from prior relationships and really aren't applicable in this relationship. I understand this now but I don't know what I can do about it when it happens. I don't know how to communicate this. I don't know how to fix it. I feel handicapped.