Tears of Anxiety?
I cried. Out of nowhere. I mean wtf?!? That doesn't happen for no reason! But what is the reason? I feel it, but I can't pinpoint what it is. Am I just going crazy? I can't be depressed. There is no way! What would i be depressed about?
Things are going great with my boyfriend; we're getting along surprisingly well. I can't imagine that it's him. School isn't any different from how it's always been here so there are no surprises there. I suppose it could be the stress and anxiety. Everything back at home is great. Everyone is healthy and happy. I do miss the fall fairs with their delicious turkey legs and roasted corn. My ex is still blocked and I think he's doing just fine with the support of his family and friends. I still resent him. I don't miss him. If he's in my thoughts, it's purely for my own selfish reasons to want to yell at him for breaking all those promises and lying to me time and time again. I guess in the end I don't exactly have closure since I still blame him for everything. Perhaps I never will. That probably isn't healthy but maybe time will just help me forget and heal. That chapter has ended.
Meanwhile, I'm happy and feeling loved here by the person who matters most. I actually worry frequently that I'm being a bad girlfriend. I guess that isn't normal. Bad self-esteem? I don't feel it. I feel like I have enough confidence. Actually, I'm not feeling a sense of balance. Perhaps that accounts for my unexplained moods! Or it all could just be stress and pre-PMS. Hah. In the end, I may just be overthinking and overanalyzing this. I should just go with the flow and focus on making the grades I want.
That sure was easy to say. I can't focus. Why?