August

[bluezephyr]

i feel hated
like i feel it in the air around me
disliked
nothings been said
i just feel it

i havent felt like jake in a while
i feel like absent from my life.
as much as i feel things going on, i'm just spacy
im ready for the next chapter in my life

im sick of this home
and most of these people
they are draining and not good for me anymore
but what is?
what do i even know.

we talk and talk and babble and spit up reasons and how to's, why nots and becauses
and at the end of the very very long day.
as twilight sets, its a day just like all the others
we have not discovered the secrets
there are none
its just how it is
the earth has not changed course and
i won't either
no epiphany or new idea will change the way things are
i am what i am
you are you
small insignificant tiny and bawling
red green yellow and blue

dots among dots
lines among lines
stars among stars
ants among ants

my flow is like a cavern
dark and full of echos of thoughts not yet had
i reach out and grab the wall
a slime of a thought sticks to my fist
and i call him idea
i need a flashlight
to get out of the dark

suck it up

stop breaking my heart btw.
or am i just doing it?

i guess what im trying to say is the world hasnt been getting the most of me.
and nor have i
wheres my element?
im tired of formatting
my anticipation is of my degredation of my idea called home