bored at work
so i just read through my journal since i've started it. 300+ entries, but like i said i'm bored at work. i'm really glad i wrote all this stuff because there are so many little things i don't even remember. it's just weird reading back through all the drama with jaime and different guys i have dated. I mean jeez she's getting married in april crazy!!
I also copied all the different little things i've written so they're in one place. poems lyrics whatever you want to call this shit....
you opened my eyes to the ocean
now i just keep staring at the waves
~~~~
Lost in a dream
Objections concurrent
With fading daylight
Slips into the sea
As a needle in a seam
Effortlessly as need
Flagrant as want
Ragged as hope
Fleeting as peace
Obscure as shelter
Sustenance an inquisition
To be extant
~~~~
as eyes see you
the living shines brighter
as tides rise and heavens fall
distance is endured
as longing may break
a line that hope can't tread
as lightly as feathers may float
along a faultered path
this is my coming home
and then you see me
not as i am,
but as who i could be
wild as the wind
soft as the snow
gentle as the sea
with eyes of ice
and a heart of fire
this is my coming home
~~~~
walking slowly down the hall
holding images fate faltered
your martyr's bleeding on the wall
gone and lost it from your will, your will
here lies your first war within
choices confused by your mother's sin
helping hands will lead you in
toward the shedding of the skin
and the crowning of your daughters
fearless fathers lost as kings
here lies your last lovers breath
taken as though he has no years left
~~~
i think i will run away
and join a band of travelling gypsies
cutting off relations
with all previously known faces
i might miss you for a time
but if i thought i would miss you that much
maybe i'd give you a goodbye
something sweet to remember me love
if there was anything left here
maybe i could find a reason to stay
but i'm cutting lose the strings
that hold me to this town
and as i creep off into the dark
with a cigarette, a lighter,
and a blanket for the night
i might turn around and wonder
what will you all do without me?
do what it is that people do
make fake promises and produce false hopes
to have a reason to not feel guilty
for lying unto the innocent
i will not ask for sorrows
i do not want them you see
i asked for your listening
i do not hear what you mean?
i asked you to tell me
but i do not see what you say
as lack of communication ends all these days
as i stare at the ticking
of the image we call time
so short is it left
for me to unwind
soon i will wake
to start a new scene
the images all blur
violating my dreams
a ravenous hunger
consuming my soul
it came like a fire
not even a coal
to illuminate my spirit
as it left an empty shell of me
tiptoing through life
afraid to step on the cracks
for there's usually more to lose
than just somebody's back
a life, a trust, a relationship
are they important to you
or just to me
this once had meaning
when words meant something
but you all see definations
where i see inclinations
a lyrically twisting sense of knowledge
untangled by the brightest minds
being the unfondled kind
but full of innocence
creates all kind of treason
only the naive have wrong reasons
~~~~
I died last night
As the tears welled in my eyes
I died last night
Because you are no longer mine
How can I love you?
When all you do is hurt me
How can god make me
Long to kiss your lips
How can I see
That same look in your eye
When you don't want me
I died last night
As my dark world crept over me
I died last night
Because you don't want me
And I ask myself
I ask myself
Is it worth the war
To look in the mirror
And see a whore
I'm only a failure
The world will ignore
I can't fight
Cannot fight it anymore
I died last night
My heart was torn in two
I died last night
For not being with you
How can I love?
The one thing I cannot have
How can I hate
My chosen path?
How can it be
Happiness looks down on me
I will never be free
Cuz I died last night
Life no longer matters to me
I died last night
And you died with me
~~~~
kiss as true as love
the kind that makes your knees weak
the kind that makes the earth shake
as you walk to your car
touch as soft as rain
as fallen on freshly laid skin
and yet i ask myself
how did i find you?
among the crowds of endless people
that roam this lonely earth
again i ask myself
how did i find you?
~~~~
your one last love
keeping me warm at night
now i've tried
not to deny
i'll give it a try
i'll try not to hide
i'll open my heart
and you won't be denied
one last time
to try to believe in love
things arn't perfect
but they're nearly enough
i'll try to believe
i'lll try not to cry
i'll open my mind
and you'll be by my side
times gone by
you've made my world so bright
we may fight
but i know we'll be alright
i'll wake up tomorrow
you'll be by my side
i know now i'll love you
for the rest of my life
~~~~
ain't it funny how the ones you love go away?
just friends is fine with me
if thats fine with you
as long as that friendship doesnt stray
do you miss me as i miss you?
do you dream the way i do?
i wish i could not see things as i do
the things that are futuristic
that i hope are not true
take away my sight
for then my heart could be true
i miss all those people i hold close to me
my family my friends and even maybe you
but my sun does not rise and set in your eyes anymore
but i still miss them
~~~~
I'll punch you in the face if you look at me again
fuschia daggers in your eyes...
can't beat the pain that's in my heart
wouldn't believe that I would trust again
Inside I still forgive, It's not your fault
A mind jumps to conclusions
without an explanation
believe in what I see as truth
but as I know.....All love is blind.
~~~~
Done with this shit
open up inside
show exactly what iam
fuck what you say
fuck what you do
I am not afraid of you
try to be better then i was
change comes in time
erase the blood i shed
clean up the mess
fix all the scars
you'll die before you bring me down...
again...your falling
down with your lies
again you fuck up
try to deny
getting caught up
you will not defy.....AGAIN!
hiding behind
your cheap new whore
tell her you love her
she will believe
she will obey
foolish for what your smile portrays
a decision to make
the jury is in
wasting this life
not one more thought
not one more minute
betraying myself just hearing your name
again your falling
down with your lies
again you fuck up
try to deny
forgetting this day
as i watch you drown
~~~~
If i had one reason
to try to work this out
I would tell you how i feel
and if i knew the words
that i should speak to you
it would make this all seem real
Chorus:
I just need to stop dreaming
don't seem to be getting me anywhere
if i could just put my head
straight up on my shoulders
then maybe you would
love me as i deserve
I will spend my life
trying to figure out
why i always seem to mess things up
but i think i know why
it seems to work out that way...
Chorus
~~~~
If falling in love
meant ripping out my heart
would you do it?
and then just walk away
Sorry i fall in love so easy
sometimes he makes me that way
oh now do you hate me
since you saw under my skin
I promise I'm not an Alien
I'm just American.
If running away
meant leaving you behind
you know i'd do it
without wasting a thought
Sorry I let you hurt me
he just makes me be that way
oh how much i loved you
till i saw under your skin
it's crawling with disease
your just an idiot
I cannot seem to leave fast enough
taking the last train out of here
trying to get away...from you
you think now that you love her?
well you thought that of me too
~~~~
I also copied all the different little things i've written so they're in one place. poems lyrics whatever you want to call this shit....
you opened my eyes to the ocean
now i just keep staring at the waves
~~~~
Lost in a dream
Objections concurrent
With fading daylight
Slips into the sea
As a needle in a seam
Effortlessly as need
Flagrant as want
Ragged as hope
Fleeting as peace
Obscure as shelter
Sustenance an inquisition
To be extant
~~~~
as eyes see you
the living shines brighter
as tides rise and heavens fall
distance is endured
as longing may break
a line that hope can't tread
as lightly as feathers may float
along a faultered path
this is my coming home
and then you see me
not as i am,
but as who i could be
wild as the wind
soft as the snow
gentle as the sea
with eyes of ice
and a heart of fire
this is my coming home
~~~~
walking slowly down the hall
holding images fate faltered
your martyr's bleeding on the wall
gone and lost it from your will, your will
here lies your first war within
choices confused by your mother's sin
helping hands will lead you in
toward the shedding of the skin
and the crowning of your daughters
fearless fathers lost as kings
here lies your last lovers breath
taken as though he has no years left
~~~
i think i will run away
and join a band of travelling gypsies
cutting off relations
with all previously known faces
i might miss you for a time
but if i thought i would miss you that much
maybe i'd give you a goodbye
something sweet to remember me love
if there was anything left here
maybe i could find a reason to stay
but i'm cutting lose the strings
that hold me to this town
and as i creep off into the dark
with a cigarette, a lighter,
and a blanket for the night
i might turn around and wonder
what will you all do without me?
do what it is that people do
make fake promises and produce false hopes
to have a reason to not feel guilty
for lying unto the innocent
i will not ask for sorrows
i do not want them you see
i asked for your listening
i do not hear what you mean?
i asked you to tell me
but i do not see what you say
as lack of communication ends all these days
as i stare at the ticking
of the image we call time
so short is it left
for me to unwind
soon i will wake
to start a new scene
the images all blur
violating my dreams
a ravenous hunger
consuming my soul
it came like a fire
not even a coal
to illuminate my spirit
as it left an empty shell of me
tiptoing through life
afraid to step on the cracks
for there's usually more to lose
than just somebody's back
a life, a trust, a relationship
are they important to you
or just to me
this once had meaning
when words meant something
but you all see definations
where i see inclinations
a lyrically twisting sense of knowledge
untangled by the brightest minds
being the unfondled kind
but full of innocence
creates all kind of treason
only the naive have wrong reasons
~~~~
I died last night
As the tears welled in my eyes
I died last night
Because you are no longer mine
How can I love you?
When all you do is hurt me
How can god make me
Long to kiss your lips
How can I see
That same look in your eye
When you don't want me
I died last night
As my dark world crept over me
I died last night
Because you don't want me
And I ask myself
I ask myself
Is it worth the war
To look in the mirror
And see a whore
I'm only a failure
The world will ignore
I can't fight
Cannot fight it anymore
I died last night
My heart was torn in two
I died last night
For not being with you
How can I love?
The one thing I cannot have
How can I hate
My chosen path?
How can it be
Happiness looks down on me
I will never be free
Cuz I died last night
Life no longer matters to me
I died last night
And you died with me
~~~~
kiss as true as love
the kind that makes your knees weak
the kind that makes the earth shake
as you walk to your car
touch as soft as rain
as fallen on freshly laid skin
and yet i ask myself
how did i find you?
among the crowds of endless people
that roam this lonely earth
again i ask myself
how did i find you?
~~~~
your one last love
keeping me warm at night
now i've tried
not to deny
i'll give it a try
i'll try not to hide
i'll open my heart
and you won't be denied
one last time
to try to believe in love
things arn't perfect
but they're nearly enough
i'll try to believe
i'lll try not to cry
i'll open my mind
and you'll be by my side
times gone by
you've made my world so bright
we may fight
but i know we'll be alright
i'll wake up tomorrow
you'll be by my side
i know now i'll love you
for the rest of my life
~~~~
ain't it funny how the ones you love go away?
just friends is fine with me
if thats fine with you
as long as that friendship doesnt stray
do you miss me as i miss you?
do you dream the way i do?
i wish i could not see things as i do
the things that are futuristic
that i hope are not true
take away my sight
for then my heart could be true
i miss all those people i hold close to me
my family my friends and even maybe you
but my sun does not rise and set in your eyes anymore
but i still miss them
~~~~
I'll punch you in the face if you look at me again
fuschia daggers in your eyes...
can't beat the pain that's in my heart
wouldn't believe that I would trust again
Inside I still forgive, It's not your fault
A mind jumps to conclusions
without an explanation
believe in what I see as truth
but as I know.....All love is blind.
~~~~
Done with this shit
open up inside
show exactly what iam
fuck what you say
fuck what you do
I am not afraid of you
try to be better then i was
change comes in time
erase the blood i shed
clean up the mess
fix all the scars
you'll die before you bring me down...
again...your falling
down with your lies
again you fuck up
try to deny
getting caught up
you will not defy.....AGAIN!
hiding behind
your cheap new whore
tell her you love her
she will believe
she will obey
foolish for what your smile portrays
a decision to make
the jury is in
wasting this life
not one more thought
not one more minute
betraying myself just hearing your name
again your falling
down with your lies
again you fuck up
try to deny
forgetting this day
as i watch you drown
~~~~
If i had one reason
to try to work this out
I would tell you how i feel
and if i knew the words
that i should speak to you
it would make this all seem real
Chorus:
I just need to stop dreaming
don't seem to be getting me anywhere
if i could just put my head
straight up on my shoulders
then maybe you would
love me as i deserve
I will spend my life
trying to figure out
why i always seem to mess things up
but i think i know why
it seems to work out that way...
Chorus
~~~~
If falling in love
meant ripping out my heart
would you do it?
and then just walk away
Sorry i fall in love so easy
sometimes he makes me that way
oh now do you hate me
since you saw under my skin
I promise I'm not an Alien
I'm just American.
If running away
meant leaving you behind
you know i'd do it
without wasting a thought
Sorry I let you hurt me
he just makes me be that way
oh how much i loved you
till i saw under your skin
it's crawling with disease
your just an idiot
I cannot seem to leave fast enough
taking the last train out of here
trying to get away...from you
you think now that you love her?
well you thought that of me too
~~~~