Movies
10 ITEMS OR LESS: Morgan Freeman, who never actually says he's playing himself, goes to the supermarket to study for a role and slums it up with the checkout girl. Freeman seems to charm everyone he meets. I don't know if he's as nice in real life as he is in this movie, but I would totally hangout with him. They go to Target, her ex-husband's house, the car wash, a job interview, and the whole time, Freeman seems to be having the time of his fucking life. It's cute. 4 stars.
50 PILLS: A dude tries to sell a bunch of ecstasy to try to pay for college and he meets some folks. It's not that funny. I mean, they try, but it's just not worth it. Luckily, it's only 75 minutes long. 1 star.
DIGGERS: A bunch of guys from a long line of clam-diggers have hard times when "the man" moves to town. The lead guy falls for this city girl who's just there on vacation and you can just tell he's gonna get fucked over. And then he's surprised when he does. It's kind of a story about staying in one place too long. Everyone there was digging for clams (although I can't imagine there's much money in that), and they don't know when to give up, or move on, or join the conglomerate. People stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, and then they wonder why shit doesn't change. 3 stars.
HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER: An animated flick with Sigourney Weaver as the evil step-mother, Patrick Warburton, and Andy Dick. I get where they were going with this. Switch up the fairy tale. It just doesn't really work. The heroine is kind of whiny and appears to be pretty good at running away. Rumpelstiltskin is pretty cool, but everything else falls flat. Watch it on TV. 2 stars.
THE PAINTED VEIL: Edward Norton drags his hoo-wah of a wife to the middle of a cholera epidemic. This movie is good, just like you would expect from old Edward. He's a stand-offish uptight infectious disease specialist and marries a spoiled rich girl who is just trying to get away from her parents. She fucks around on him, and he says Come with me to China, or I'll divorce you and leave you shamed. So she goes. He thinks he's just there to study the diseases, but no. They put him to work in the fucking middle of it. It's good. Rent it. 5 stars
CODE NAME: THE CLEANER: Cedric the Entertainer wakes up next to a dead body and figures out he is a spy. Oh Lucy Liu. Why must you disappoint me with this stupid movie? I mean sure, it's easy to follow, you know what's gonna happen, but the best part about it are the outtakes. And Lucy Liu said she was doing some sort of brooklyn accent but you can't really tell what the hell is going on. Eh. 2 stars.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: Ben Stiller gets a job to impress his son and finds out the museum comes alive at night. That didn't spoil it for you, did it? I mean, you knew that much right? Ok. So I liked this movie. I mean, sure, it's a kids movie so you shouldn't expect anything too complicated, but the effects were neat. Go rent it, What the hell. 4 stars
THE FOUNTAIN: What the hell is going on? There's a guy and a pretty lady (Rachel Weisz is so pretty!), and TREE - and I thought it was all about him trying to save her, and about love and junk, but it's only 3 stories - and then he's got no hair and he's in a big ole bubble in outer space. The actors are great, and Rachel seems so elegant and delicate and strong - And the movie is beautiful to watch, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to get out of it. I have the feeling like I was supposed to get something really deep but I didn't. Maybe I'm stupid. You rent it and the tell me what to rate it.
SERAPHIM FALLS: Liam Neasom chases down Remington Steele to kill him. There's revenge all over the place and you aren't sure who you are supposed to be rooting for. Angelica Houston shows up for about 2 minutes. And this guy can't seem to play anyone but creeps. 3 stars.
50 PILLS: A dude tries to sell a bunch of ecstasy to try to pay for college and he meets some folks. It's not that funny. I mean, they try, but it's just not worth it. Luckily, it's only 75 minutes long. 1 star.
DIGGERS: A bunch of guys from a long line of clam-diggers have hard times when "the man" moves to town. The lead guy falls for this city girl who's just there on vacation and you can just tell he's gonna get fucked over. And then he's surprised when he does. It's kind of a story about staying in one place too long. Everyone there was digging for clams (although I can't imagine there's much money in that), and they don't know when to give up, or move on, or join the conglomerate. People stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, and then they wonder why shit doesn't change. 3 stars.
HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER: An animated flick with Sigourney Weaver as the evil step-mother, Patrick Warburton, and Andy Dick. I get where they were going with this. Switch up the fairy tale. It just doesn't really work. The heroine is kind of whiny and appears to be pretty good at running away. Rumpelstiltskin is pretty cool, but everything else falls flat. Watch it on TV. 2 stars.
THE PAINTED VEIL: Edward Norton drags his hoo-wah of a wife to the middle of a cholera epidemic. This movie is good, just like you would expect from old Edward. He's a stand-offish uptight infectious disease specialist and marries a spoiled rich girl who is just trying to get away from her parents. She fucks around on him, and he says Come with me to China, or I'll divorce you and leave you shamed. So she goes. He thinks he's just there to study the diseases, but no. They put him to work in the fucking middle of it. It's good. Rent it. 5 stars
CODE NAME: THE CLEANER: Cedric the Entertainer wakes up next to a dead body and figures out he is a spy. Oh Lucy Liu. Why must you disappoint me with this stupid movie? I mean sure, it's easy to follow, you know what's gonna happen, but the best part about it are the outtakes. And Lucy Liu said she was doing some sort of brooklyn accent but you can't really tell what the hell is going on. Eh. 2 stars.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: Ben Stiller gets a job to impress his son and finds out the museum comes alive at night. That didn't spoil it for you, did it? I mean, you knew that much right? Ok. So I liked this movie. I mean, sure, it's a kids movie so you shouldn't expect anything too complicated, but the effects were neat. Go rent it, What the hell. 4 stars
THE FOUNTAIN: What the hell is going on? There's a guy and a pretty lady (Rachel Weisz is so pretty!), and TREE - and I thought it was all about him trying to save her, and about love and junk, but it's only 3 stories - and then he's got no hair and he's in a big ole bubble in outer space. The actors are great, and Rachel seems so elegant and delicate and strong - And the movie is beautiful to watch, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to get out of it. I have the feeling like I was supposed to get something really deep but I didn't. Maybe I'm stupid. You rent it and the tell me what to rate it.
SERAPHIM FALLS: Liam Neasom chases down Remington Steele to kill him. There's revenge all over the place and you aren't sure who you are supposed to be rooting for. Angelica Houston shows up for about 2 minutes. And this guy can't seem to play anyone but creeps. 3 stars.