(no subject)
I should be writing my Hamlet paper since I've only written a page and a half. I have a goal though to write a 3 full pages, and I'm very hopeful/sure I will, I just need to be motivated.
I've been thinking. And not just surface level shit, deep shit. After a few events of this weekend and things of that sort, I decided that I don't want to have sex. Not now, and not for a while. And when I do have sex, I want to have sex with someone who means something, a great deal of something. I want to be in love and not just puppy love, a deep soul clenching love. I'm scared to have sex. Not for the pain or the diseases, but all the other things that come with it. It can make or break a relationship and it can change who you are. I'm not ready to rediscover myself.
I feel disgusted. In myself and in the entire population. Why is it that sex is so consumming to the world? Why is it so important? and prided on? And why did I for so long envy the girls who got to have sex with the gorgeous boys...Life isn't about sex anymore.
Life is about love, friendship, and being who you are. Sex is just in there to throw us on a loop. Sex is nothing but the connecting of two bodies, and love is the connection of two souls to become one.
I'm afraid I found this out too late. And that in the process, I disappointed myself. Not because I had sex or did anything sexual, but because I allowed myself to believe it was such an amazing thing that I wanted to do right then.
God I wish I could have had this sort of knowledge a long time ago.
I've been thinking. And not just surface level shit, deep shit. After a few events of this weekend and things of that sort, I decided that I don't want to have sex. Not now, and not for a while. And when I do have sex, I want to have sex with someone who means something, a great deal of something. I want to be in love and not just puppy love, a deep soul clenching love. I'm scared to have sex. Not for the pain or the diseases, but all the other things that come with it. It can make or break a relationship and it can change who you are. I'm not ready to rediscover myself.
I feel disgusted. In myself and in the entire population. Why is it that sex is so consumming to the world? Why is it so important? and prided on? And why did I for so long envy the girls who got to have sex with the gorgeous boys...Life isn't about sex anymore.
Life is about love, friendship, and being who you are. Sex is just in there to throw us on a loop. Sex is nothing but the connecting of two bodies, and love is the connection of two souls to become one.
I'm afraid I found this out too late. And that in the process, I disappointed myself. Not because I had sex or did anything sexual, but because I allowed myself to believe it was such an amazing thing that I wanted to do right then.
God I wish I could have had this sort of knowledge a long time ago.