"Dating"

[blueyebabe8]

So its official, me and garett are now "dating". so we arnt going out just ya know trying to work things out :-) so far we have been doing really well, i mean the past few days since he has been home from his cruise have just been so perfect being able to talk to him and have conversations with out screaming, fighting, and crying. I spent the entire day on sunday at his house and that felt soo good. I havent been over there, especially for an entire day...in who knows how long but i loved it. aww we played Ninga Turtles on his sega haha it was so much fun and i felt like a little kid again. Then i got tired and i feel asleep on his arm...i think his arm feel asleep before he did but omg he said i snored...thats soo embarrassing haha oh well he said it was cute :-D then later on sunday he came over to my house and we got in the hot tub. It was nice, he knows how much i love to go in the hot tub so i can be alone w/ him and talk and be close so that meant ALOT to me. I dont give him credit for all the things he does for me enough, i really need to start doing that but im always just such in awe that i dont say it outloud. Aww and today he came over after work...he NEVER does that. aahhh hes soo sweet, i just cant belive i would ever ever ever even consider being with another guy. i guess the only reason i really started having thoughts about it was because that was the only way i could get away with not being hurt. Im just so afraid that hes going to think that im this horrible person who never cared about him and will just get over him and get with someone else, but im NOT like that. I dunno what i was thinking, i just hope that i didnt ruin anything. Man i just dont care about what anyone tells me anymore I know what i want and i hate myself for ever doubting my feelings. I want to be with garett and im going to do whatever i can to make him happy. I care about him more than i have cared about myself, people might think that thats sick and horrible and it shouldnt be that way, but no, it makes me happy to make him happy.
My dad was sopposed to be home today, he never called me :-/ i dont know how i should feel about it, yeah im upset and disappointed but theres nothing i can do about it. I dont know whats going to happen with us moving, its just become so complicated so ive decided that im going to stay out of it and only talk about it when my mom brings it up. Im just tried of working my ass off and no one realizes it. I feel like if this house sells or not that its my fault because im the one who is always here to clean up and do everyones part. I just wanna get out of here and start over because this house seems so empty...especially my dads old office. the phone still rings...and no one picks up. Its just like a ghost room, i try not to walk on that side of the house at all, its just too painful. next week we are sopposed to have dinner, ugh im dreading it. Its going to be so awkward. uhh im just driving myself insane and i should go and take a bath and actually get some sleep so im not so tired at volleyball tomorrow as i was today. Sweet Dreams