D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D
I am so confused right now, there are a million feelings and thoughts running through me right now and i cant straighten everything out. I feel really stupid and lonely right now. I finaly meet a guy who is laid back and makes me happy and he lives in tampa. Then ive been thinking about him so much that i feel guilty and that garett is going to be mad at me. but we broke up so i can do what i want right? Im not trying to rush into things with another guy right now because im not ready for that, i just admire andrew so much because he was someone who you could talk to, he was interesting and not stuck up, selfish, or cocky like everyone in winter springs. everyone here seems so typical, all the guys are the same and you cant have a conversation with them. I feel even more stupid because i was all excited to talk to andrew last night but he never got online, wow i actually waited for him to get on...its not like he told me he would be on , i just thought he might. then i was all upset that i didnt get to talk to him, ugghgh im so dumb. the only thing i have ever asked for is someone to talk to, and everyone says that i can talk to them so why dont i take advantage of that. I just dont understand myself. i miss garett but after meeting andrew i dont know what i want anymore. I dont know if i have the energy to rebuild what me and garett had, plus who knows if it will even work out. I know that im only saying this because he is away but when he gets back i will want to be with him again. but i dont know how i really honestly feel. I mean i should be the one who knows but i dont im just so confused right now. theres just way to many things goin on right now. brooke has surgery on the 11th, someone might put on offer on my house soon so ill be moving in like a month or so, then my dad will be in town next week and i have to see him, and garett gets home on saturday and i dont know how he is going to react about this whole andrew thing. but i mean he cant get mad at me, nothing happpend and even if something did happpen...we broke up. so why am i so worried. the last time i got close to another guy, and nothing happend, i lost his trust, i think thats why im so scared. its making me feel like sick and im like shakin just sitting here, this is so pathetic. Today starts the first day of summer conditioning...im really scared! today is only open gym so it shouldnt be that bad but gosh i just dont wanna like pass out and die. i dont have much to say anymore, i just need help but i dont know what exactly that means.