(no subject)
yeah, yeah, i know i wrote already but you know what....i could really give a rats ass... i feel pain, empathy and confusion and sympathy all at the same time right now and i have no earthly clue, maybe its my family or maybe its the fact that i really miss dobbs right now or just that my life is screwed up more than normal, everything doesnt feel right, like nothing i do is right or wrong or not even anything at all. all my friends are going through something right now and for the first time i dont know if i have the strength to help them, i dont even know if they want it or not. and if they do what i say seems to make things worse. i dont know all i know is that right now im done with trusting people. i need help and for the first time in some while when i ask for it....absolutely nothing. oh well maybe it would help if i was back in school and after that just go somewhere for awhile. i am faced with the fact that i wont date anyone right now or in the long run, and im alright with that.
he told me that he would be there for me, that he cared about me. he told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. he was my closest friend, the one i told everything to i mean i opened my heart to him and was my shoulder to cry on, more than my best friend. we played football and basketball and talked and goofed off like brother and sister would do. then she came along and it all just faded. i got him in trouble, just by talking to him, or laughing at anything that was funny that he did . then he went away to a school and i wrote him, it took me awhile but i wrote him. i was angry cause he didnt say goodbye, sad and depressed because i missed him. then she tried to talk to me at camp to tell me that she was sorry, but she wasnt, because she told me i should stay away from him....she changed him and if feels like im the only one that can see it, he's not himself, he's what she wants him to be. and now i have lost the only guy that was meant more than anything to me. now im just a vapor, invisible, insignificant, when ever i see him. all i want is his friendship nothing more and hopefully nothing less, but i dont know what to do. i dont even know why im writing this.
he told me that he would be there for me, that he cared about me. he told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. he was my closest friend, the one i told everything to i mean i opened my heart to him and was my shoulder to cry on, more than my best friend. we played football and basketball and talked and goofed off like brother and sister would do. then she came along and it all just faded. i got him in trouble, just by talking to him, or laughing at anything that was funny that he did . then he went away to a school and i wrote him, it took me awhile but i wrote him. i was angry cause he didnt say goodbye, sad and depressed because i missed him. then she tried to talk to me at camp to tell me that she was sorry, but she wasnt, because she told me i should stay away from him....she changed him and if feels like im the only one that can see it, he's not himself, he's what she wants him to be. and now i have lost the only guy that was meant more than anything to me. now im just a vapor, invisible, insignificant, when ever i see him. all i want is his friendship nothing more and hopefully nothing less, but i dont know what to do. i dont even know why im writing this.