THIS SUCKS
it happened again. i woke up shaking and in a cold sweat. why does this keep happening? i want these nightmares to go away. even if i try to stay asleep i'll end up crying myself awake that i wouldnt matter anymore. they just keep coming back not the same settings but the same thing always happens. he dies, and i get blamed. i know if he dies now, in real life that i will be blamed, he will never fully trust me not after what i have done to him, it doesnt matter anymore. but i cant understand why they keep coming back after all these years and they wont go away. i either cry myself awake, or scream, wake up in the middle of the morning sweating even if my room is colder than the north pole and i'm wearing nothing but a sports bra and shorts i'm still sweating and shaking. then sometimes its all three factors. I JUST WANT THEM TO GO AWAY!!! they happen and i end up pushing people away, they ask and i wont tell them because they wont understand even if i try to explain it to them.