i haven't done this in a while
ok so i know i haven't updated this thing in a while but not alot of ppl i know have this only the important ones that i can actually tell this stuff to.. so here it goes... my PMS is becoming worst and worst to the point where i seriously over react to everything im so fucking emotional that it puts a strain on every aspect of my life. im a complete and utter bitch, i jump to conclusion that in my head dont exist and then i act it out like it really happened being completely and utterly cold to who ever it was about, namely..charlie. He thinks im angry and done with him because of the way i was on the phone with him tonight, i over reacted to him calling me later than i thought he said he would.... and so we hang up the phone and he texts me saying you worry me im sad but i love you, i text him back asking why i worry him and he said ebcause u seemed angry and compltely done with me, and i just started to cry my freaking eyes out i can't stop no matter how hard i try, he means so much to me and i almost fucked it up tonight. PMS is seriously killing me. I find myself at least once a day thinking about killing myself/hurting myself. Or thinking about me getting in some horrendous accident and the worst part is that those thoughts make me happy. and not the fact that im dead or dying, its the reactions of the people around me that make me happy, not that their sad but that it always plays out that we were fighting when i got in the accident or killed myself, and they feel bad. and i HATE myself for thinking that, and i know it'll be over in a week but i absolutely hate myself right now. i can't stand the fact tht in these twisted day dreams im enjoying the fact im bringin the people who mean the most to me pain. i hate that i weep uncontrollably when im like this and that it makes him think i dont want to be with him anymore. i love that boy so much. i need sleep because tomorrow is gonna suck if i dont get any... please tell me what i need to do to make me feel better...please?