[fic] 20 Morally Ambiguous Things Nami’s Had to Say Over a Den-Den Mushi
Title: 20 Morally Ambiguous Things Nami’s Had to Say Over a Den-Den Mushi (Through No Fault of Her Own, Really)
Rating: G
Characters: Nami&co
Word count: 774
Notes: Birthday fic for piratequeenoftheeasternseas!!
“They’re offering how much for Sanji-kun? Really. Hm. Ask them how much they’ll give us if we throw in Zoro. I don’t know, Usopp, am I kidding?”
“Luffy agreed to a what? Does that word mean what I think it means? Does Luffy know it means that? And it’s a marathon? Just knock him out and drag his unconscious body back to the ship. I’m not paying for everyone’s therapy if we allow this to happen.”
“How much is bail? Well, what were you doing with those goats in the first place? Where were your pants? No, don’t tell me. Please.”
“I don’t care how drunk you were, Usopp, a marriage proposal is a marriage proposal. No, I’m not paying for your wedding!”
“Who’s Nami? This is, uh, Belinda. BELINDA. Never heard of a Monkey D. Luffy, no. Stop calling me.”
“I did not need to know Zoro’s nose hair is also green, but thank you for telling me. You should probably wake him up before the islanders come back. Well, if you must, check down there too. What do I care.”
“I’m sorry, Robin, did you say sassy pirate convention? And it’s what? Annual. Oh, ok, I thought you said-never mind. Yes, let’s send Sanji-kun.”
“Franky, I found your banana hat. Behind the toilet in the girl’s bathroom. Uh-huh. No, no, I told myself I wouldn’t ask questions. But oh, it’s going to cost you.”
“Brook, this is no laughing matter! You put it back this instant. You already have a feather boa! One that doesn’t strangle people! Oh, for the love of-I WISH YOU DID HAVE A WINDPIPE TO STRANGLE.”
“Yes, I am aware of the correct pronunciation of ukulele. No, it is still not in the budget. I don’t care if I am stomping on your budding musical talents.”
“Tell them it’s not stealing if the tiara looks better on me anyway. No, tell Chopper to tell them; he’s too cute to be charged with treason.”
“How are you getting reception if you’re stuck in a chimney? This is the seventh time in two months. Of course I’m keeping count. There’s a very lucrative betting pool going.”
“You’re calling me from inside the belly of a mutant flamingo? Well, don’t let the den den mushi get digested! You know how expensive those things are?”
“You won first place in what? That’s obscene. Well, I guess the gomu gomu fruit has its uses. How much is the prize money? Just a trophy? In the shape of a-of course it is. No, leave it, I don’t want it on the ship. Oh, it’s made of solid gold? Why didn’t you say so? Pawn it, and make sure Zoro is there to look menacing.”
“YOU DO NOT USE MY BRAND NEW PAIR OF CRIMINI HEELS AS AN ICE PICK. WE’RE ON A WINTER ISLAND, WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED ICE CUBES FOR YOUR LEMONADE. WHY ARE YOU DRINKING LEMONADE. GET YOUR ASSES BACK ON THE SHIP AND I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT ELSE I CAN USE THOSE HEELS FOR.”
“Did he not think of that before he ate 67 tubs of hot fudge? Just roll him onto his side for now. I’ll send Chopper over, if I feel like it.”
“I told you that was going to happen if you kept carrying around a sword in your mouth. Chopper’s on another call, I’ll send him over later. No promises he’ll get there on time.”
“Excessive blood loss through your nose has never been a romantic way to die. Chopper’s going to be a while, so you’re on your own. Try not to bleed over public property. I don’t want to pay for damages.”
“I do understand your predicament, Vice Admiral, but you will remember we had a very specific agreement when you borrowed money from me. It was enough to bribe your way out of a full-blown scandal, wasn’t it? I assume Mariejois doesn’t take too kindly to distinguished Marines like yourself partaking in such shockingly illicit activities. And a flat interest rate of 74.8% is very generous, if I do say so myself. I am really stretching myself thin here. But I’m willing to give you an extension this month if you, let’s say, took a wrong turn and lost sight of our crew in the oncoming fog? Yes? And I’ll find that I just happened to misplace those pictures for the time being? Wonderful. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you as always, Vice Admiral.”
“I got away and stole a ship. I know, it’s an old habit of mine. But I’m coming home now. See you soon.”
Rating: G
Characters: Nami&co
Word count: 774
Notes: Birthday fic for piratequeenoftheeasternseas!!
“They’re offering how much for Sanji-kun? Really. Hm. Ask them how much they’ll give us if we throw in Zoro. I don’t know, Usopp, am I kidding?”
“Luffy agreed to a what? Does that word mean what I think it means? Does Luffy know it means that? And it’s a marathon? Just knock him out and drag his unconscious body back to the ship. I’m not paying for everyone’s therapy if we allow this to happen.”
“How much is bail? Well, what were you doing with those goats in the first place? Where were your pants? No, don’t tell me. Please.”
“I don’t care how drunk you were, Usopp, a marriage proposal is a marriage proposal. No, I’m not paying for your wedding!”
“Who’s Nami? This is, uh, Belinda. BELINDA. Never heard of a Monkey D. Luffy, no. Stop calling me.”
“I did not need to know Zoro’s nose hair is also green, but thank you for telling me. You should probably wake him up before the islanders come back. Well, if you must, check down there too. What do I care.”
“I’m sorry, Robin, did you say sassy pirate convention? And it’s what? Annual. Oh, ok, I thought you said-never mind. Yes, let’s send Sanji-kun.”
“Franky, I found your banana hat. Behind the toilet in the girl’s bathroom. Uh-huh. No, no, I told myself I wouldn’t ask questions. But oh, it’s going to cost you.”
“Brook, this is no laughing matter! You put it back this instant. You already have a feather boa! One that doesn’t strangle people! Oh, for the love of-I WISH YOU DID HAVE A WINDPIPE TO STRANGLE.”
“Yes, I am aware of the correct pronunciation of ukulele. No, it is still not in the budget. I don’t care if I am stomping on your budding musical talents.”
“Tell them it’s not stealing if the tiara looks better on me anyway. No, tell Chopper to tell them; he’s too cute to be charged with treason.”
“How are you getting reception if you’re stuck in a chimney? This is the seventh time in two months. Of course I’m keeping count. There’s a very lucrative betting pool going.”
“You’re calling me from inside the belly of a mutant flamingo? Well, don’t let the den den mushi get digested! You know how expensive those things are?”
“You won first place in what? That’s obscene. Well, I guess the gomu gomu fruit has its uses. How much is the prize money? Just a trophy? In the shape of a-of course it is. No, leave it, I don’t want it on the ship. Oh, it’s made of solid gold? Why didn’t you say so? Pawn it, and make sure Zoro is there to look menacing.”
“YOU DO NOT USE MY BRAND NEW PAIR OF CRIMINI HEELS AS AN ICE PICK. WE’RE ON A WINTER ISLAND, WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED ICE CUBES FOR YOUR LEMONADE. WHY ARE YOU DRINKING LEMONADE. GET YOUR ASSES BACK ON THE SHIP AND I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT ELSE I CAN USE THOSE HEELS FOR.”
“Did he not think of that before he ate 67 tubs of hot fudge? Just roll him onto his side for now. I’ll send Chopper over, if I feel like it.”
“I told you that was going to happen if you kept carrying around a sword in your mouth. Chopper’s on another call, I’ll send him over later. No promises he’ll get there on time.”
“Excessive blood loss through your nose has never been a romantic way to die. Chopper’s going to be a while, so you’re on your own. Try not to bleed over public property. I don’t want to pay for damages.”
“I do understand your predicament, Vice Admiral, but you will remember we had a very specific agreement when you borrowed money from me. It was enough to bribe your way out of a full-blown scandal, wasn’t it? I assume Mariejois doesn’t take too kindly to distinguished Marines like yourself partaking in such shockingly illicit activities. And a flat interest rate of 74.8% is very generous, if I do say so myself. I am really stretching myself thin here. But I’m willing to give you an extension this month if you, let’s say, took a wrong turn and lost sight of our crew in the oncoming fog? Yes? And I’ll find that I just happened to misplace those pictures for the time being? Wonderful. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you as always, Vice Admiral.”
“I got away and stole a ship. I know, it’s an old habit of mine. But I’m coming home now. See you soon.”