(no subject)
i had something of a revelation about myself the other day while i was listening to the news on the radio. i realized that i am fascinated by almost everything. this was somewhat enlightening. i've always wondered why people like me, i don't see myself as a likable person. people are drawn to assholes anyway. as a footnote, you never really know yourself and to define yourself by other people is unreliable to say the least. friendship is transient, you can deny this or deny it about your particular friendships but time will prove me right. on that subject i find myself right quite often. i hate it really, it's shitty to be right about shitty things. do they use juniper berries for anything other than gin? juniper is a pretty word, but i digress. the reflective life, you realize that you really are the only thing you have. even such things which seem to require others, such as love, really don't. what exists inside of you is many times more meaningful than anything you can feel from outside. happiness, and that's misleading, requires a deeply reflective state. think too much about how happy you are and you will no longer be happy. think too much about how happy you are and you will no longer be happy. constantly consider your state, judge your place in the world, in your life. this has always been so valuable to me. i suppose it's a question on where you build your foundation, and now i am reminded of sunday school. when something tears to the bone, at least i still have the bone. now to more important subjects, i really want a tom collins. i have to say i miss it a bit. it reminds me of a sadness, sitting in a half dark room, listening to records alone and drawing. i was angry and i'm sure i don't really miss it, but i do miss the taste of the tom collins. winston churchill looked across the room at the bottle of vermouth. it's made from cow hooves, eh. ice is an integral part of the martini. they say it should always be stirred, see what the fuck does james bond know?