a warning.. Be not someone else..
I'm light in mood atm, so the subject of this is light.. and funny I'd admit.. This was first tittled.. My books& your head.. but apon writting..& reading as I write.. I realized its alil graphic.. but I want as many who care to read.. but do not be light of stomach.. for I reveal a few things I should & would usually keep to myself or a close friend.. SO be warned.. & if you care not to know& just skim.. just don't read it.. It was Always your choice..
I finnally finnished a series I've been reading lately. Nora Robers series. I set about though today, to clean my heart out.. i started to at least, then set things aside to play with my lil darling. Of course seeing I was playing with her when stephen got home, he looked around& saw things not finnished yet& got upset. I broke another glass today somehow doing dishes. I took a break from them, stephen took his nap, I put lyd down for a nap& went towards my book. Read for a few hours until I finnished it. Of course I was finnishing it when stephen woke up& saw I was sitting there doing no cleaning. I got up after the book.. & suddenly felt light headed& as about to puke& dizzy. I went to stephen as he shuffled through the kitchen in anger of my not finnished tasks I told him the day before I was to set about to do.. I asked him to simply stop for a moment.. I was just fromt he book& feeling the nausea& spell& romantic if possible.. but more dizzy than anything& I'm not sure why.. He storms off to the bedroom telling me to finnish my tasks. Of course I did.. just short of putting the last dishes away. Later in the evening, a few moments ago actually, I went to take a shower before bed.. the heat of today smoltering me with sweat I could barely take it. So, I went to take my shower& hear a nock at the bathroom door. Seems the smoothy maker we bought as an exachange in wedding presents at Khols 1 year before.. had fallen to the floor in his reaching for a glass.. broke I was told& shown. Such a pitty, he loved it so. earlier this week, I set down a basket of heavy laundry& it went down on his breeding seperator for fish.. he's had it for such a long time& got quite upset. Come home that night smelling of women & booze. He was frisky as hell, but I being upset with him for the late hour& his being an ass before& not treating me well since the night.. well.. lets say I just rolled over.. persisten bugger he was.. but I turned him down flat so much I was brought to tears it almost felt like he would rape me.. course he woundn't.. a few days after we made a sort of love& things were just flat out terrible. I was so degrated by what happened, I about cryed in the tub washing out. Then, a few nights ago.. we made love& I actually came, much to my great suprise& the love making was short of powerful, I could barely utter after a wow. Now tonight.. I sit here.. as he sits at his computer.. he sore at me, blaming me for everything& anything he likes.. I greive alil.. but only for the relationship that we have.. I fear so great.. so much so.. I just wish he tender.. and romantic.. sweet& utterly romantic.. rose petals& all.. I want the lavishness of it all.. unfortunately.. things are as they seem& no matter how many shades you set up to block it out.. or hues you paint.. the truth of the matter.. I love him.. yes.. but just short of hatred sometimes I could cry a river& it would be pain& more I shed of tears.. of loneliness. I wish for eternal happiness.. I know I get what I settle for.. I loved him when I saw him that night at the bar.. I risked everything& as did he& more... but his pride& ego stand firm.. & I break still.. my will& desires.. firm.. but... I fear so much.. that I am too weak.. if things go where I fear .. Then I should surely run.. with child in arms.. run forever... does that sadden you to know? ... that there is a part of me that loves the "beast" that I married.. that just under the skin.. he lays.. waiting.. I fear& I love him.. so much of both.. not for me... sometimes for my child.. my dearest gift I could've ever gotten.. and I will be strong.. for her.. if not for anything else.. for her.. my dearest & only.. I bear all I can.. & I fear.. do not weep.. I have already shed those tears... but know.. I am scared& I will not run.. until it is time.. If ever I have my wish.. to have another child.. I don't know what will happen.. but time tells all, and lets things go& makes us feel& see.. maybe I will see differently.. jaded by that precious Time... Only the Gods truely know.. yes.. I believe.. not in One god.. but in several.. it is unclear to me.. but the more I feel.. the more I watch .. the more Time goes.. I know.. and dreams tell all.. as they say.. make they speak Bounds tonight.. for I wish for all good things.. as women do..
~and that is for us to know.. may we be blessed always.. I pray to them.. for guidance..
~May the earth touch your feet& wind blow your hair.. & know you are loved.. if not by him or her.. but by all.. and no matter how much you fear or weep, or hate.. or lie.. curse do true evil to others, what have you.. know you are loved.. Enbrace& Know...
I finnally finnished a series I've been reading lately. Nora Robers series. I set about though today, to clean my heart out.. i started to at least, then set things aside to play with my lil darling. Of course seeing I was playing with her when stephen got home, he looked around& saw things not finnished yet& got upset. I broke another glass today somehow doing dishes. I took a break from them, stephen took his nap, I put lyd down for a nap& went towards my book. Read for a few hours until I finnished it. Of course I was finnishing it when stephen woke up& saw I was sitting there doing no cleaning. I got up after the book.. & suddenly felt light headed& as about to puke& dizzy. I went to stephen as he shuffled through the kitchen in anger of my not finnished tasks I told him the day before I was to set about to do.. I asked him to simply stop for a moment.. I was just fromt he book& feeling the nausea& spell& romantic if possible.. but more dizzy than anything& I'm not sure why.. He storms off to the bedroom telling me to finnish my tasks. Of course I did.. just short of putting the last dishes away. Later in the evening, a few moments ago actually, I went to take a shower before bed.. the heat of today smoltering me with sweat I could barely take it. So, I went to take my shower& hear a nock at the bathroom door. Seems the smoothy maker we bought as an exachange in wedding presents at Khols 1 year before.. had fallen to the floor in his reaching for a glass.. broke I was told& shown. Such a pitty, he loved it so. earlier this week, I set down a basket of heavy laundry& it went down on his breeding seperator for fish.. he's had it for such a long time& got quite upset. Come home that night smelling of women & booze. He was frisky as hell, but I being upset with him for the late hour& his being an ass before& not treating me well since the night.. well.. lets say I just rolled over.. persisten bugger he was.. but I turned him down flat so much I was brought to tears it almost felt like he would rape me.. course he woundn't.. a few days after we made a sort of love& things were just flat out terrible. I was so degrated by what happened, I about cryed in the tub washing out. Then, a few nights ago.. we made love& I actually came, much to my great suprise& the love making was short of powerful, I could barely utter after a wow. Now tonight.. I sit here.. as he sits at his computer.. he sore at me, blaming me for everything& anything he likes.. I greive alil.. but only for the relationship that we have.. I fear so great.. so much so.. I just wish he tender.. and romantic.. sweet& utterly romantic.. rose petals& all.. I want the lavishness of it all.. unfortunately.. things are as they seem& no matter how many shades you set up to block it out.. or hues you paint.. the truth of the matter.. I love him.. yes.. but just short of hatred sometimes I could cry a river& it would be pain& more I shed of tears.. of loneliness. I wish for eternal happiness.. I know I get what I settle for.. I loved him when I saw him that night at the bar.. I risked everything& as did he& more... but his pride& ego stand firm.. & I break still.. my will& desires.. firm.. but... I fear so much.. that I am too weak.. if things go where I fear .. Then I should surely run.. with child in arms.. run forever... does that sadden you to know? ... that there is a part of me that loves the "beast" that I married.. that just under the skin.. he lays.. waiting.. I fear& I love him.. so much of both.. not for me... sometimes for my child.. my dearest gift I could've ever gotten.. and I will be strong.. for her.. if not for anything else.. for her.. my dearest & only.. I bear all I can.. & I fear.. do not weep.. I have already shed those tears... but know.. I am scared& I will not run.. until it is time.. If ever I have my wish.. to have another child.. I don't know what will happen.. but time tells all, and lets things go& makes us feel& see.. maybe I will see differently.. jaded by that precious Time... Only the Gods truely know.. yes.. I believe.. not in One god.. but in several.. it is unclear to me.. but the more I feel.. the more I watch .. the more Time goes.. I know.. and dreams tell all.. as they say.. make they speak Bounds tonight.. for I wish for all good things.. as women do..
~and that is for us to know.. may we be blessed always.. I pray to them.. for guidance..
~May the earth touch your feet& wind blow your hair.. & know you are loved.. if not by him or her.. but by all.. and no matter how much you fear or weep, or hate.. or lie.. curse do true evil to others, what have you.. know you are loved.. Enbrace& Know...