(no subject)
I wish I'd had a harder time in school.
I had several good teachers but only one who ever threw my ability back in my face. When I got to sixth grade, he gave me a rude awakening to show me that just because I could surpass the rest of my class without breaking a sweat in elementary school didn't mean that would fly forever. I hated it at the time but in retrospect I'm glad it happened. It's too bad that the rest of my school experience seemed hell-bent on proving him wrong.
In high school, I did have one or two teachers who at least held me a little more accountable. Still, outside of classes like calculus and physics - which most people would agree are objectively Difficult - I never really had to try very hard. College was a different story, as college is apt to be, on the virtue of increased personal choice and accountability. Even so, in its earlier years, I still did an awful lot of procrastination and settling.
But hey, that's over, I graduated cum laude from a university that you've heard of and I have an interesting job ( occupational hazards aside). So what, right?
I feel like a part of me got a little malformed somewhere along the line. It's the part of me that still procrastinates, even though deadlines take on a much less tangible but much more serious significance in adult life. It's the part of me that prefers consumption over creativity - or worse yet, confuses the two (more effects pedals are not going to give your guitar playing the kick in the ribs it needs!). It's the part of me that still insists that things will work out okay because I am me - made worse by the fact that so far, that's yet to really be proven wrong. I was never really forced to put much time or effort into anything in those formative experiences so even now it seems alien and uncomfortable to me when I try to apply it to the things I really want to do.
Of course I can't blame school entirely for my inability to kick my own ass and I have plenty of friends who went through the exact same system. And I'm still an arrogant sonofabitch who just wrote several paragraphs complaining about how smart he is ("Woe is me, it's so hard shopping for pants when you have a gigantic penis!"). But ultimately I kind of feel like I'd be a bit smarter today if I'd been a bit dumber in the past.
I had several good teachers but only one who ever threw my ability back in my face. When I got to sixth grade, he gave me a rude awakening to show me that just because I could surpass the rest of my class without breaking a sweat in elementary school didn't mean that would fly forever. I hated it at the time but in retrospect I'm glad it happened. It's too bad that the rest of my school experience seemed hell-bent on proving him wrong.
In high school, I did have one or two teachers who at least held me a little more accountable. Still, outside of classes like calculus and physics - which most people would agree are objectively Difficult - I never really had to try very hard. College was a different story, as college is apt to be, on the virtue of increased personal choice and accountability. Even so, in its earlier years, I still did an awful lot of procrastination and settling.
But hey, that's over, I graduated cum laude from a university that you've heard of and I have an interesting job ( occupational hazards aside). So what, right?
I feel like a part of me got a little malformed somewhere along the line. It's the part of me that still procrastinates, even though deadlines take on a much less tangible but much more serious significance in adult life. It's the part of me that prefers consumption over creativity - or worse yet, confuses the two (more effects pedals are not going to give your guitar playing the kick in the ribs it needs!). It's the part of me that still insists that things will work out okay because I am me - made worse by the fact that so far, that's yet to really be proven wrong. I was never really forced to put much time or effort into anything in those formative experiences so even now it seems alien and uncomfortable to me when I try to apply it to the things I really want to do.
Of course I can't blame school entirely for my inability to kick my own ass and I have plenty of friends who went through the exact same system. And I'm still an arrogant sonofabitch who just wrote several paragraphs complaining about how smart he is ("Woe is me, it's so hard shopping for pants when you have a gigantic penis!"). But ultimately I kind of feel like I'd be a bit smarter today if I'd been a bit dumber in the past.