Gotta get this out!
I apologize in advance for unloading, but I need to
Mom was in the hospital last week. She's been in and out the past month or so -- she's collapsed at work, had such bad chest pains. Anyway, last week they did a lot of tests and found that she has a lot going on. COPD/bronchitis (though this is supposidly mild), GERD, gastric erosion, Barret's esophagus, and a hiatal hernia. The hernia needs surgery and is probably what is causing her chest pain (it's a tear in the diaphram that allows the top part of the stomach to bulge up into the chest).
She got released last Friday, went home. I spent last weekend in Goshen trying to help out (which is super draining because I have to bring Lily and take care of a 17 month old plus Mom). She's white as a sheet, can't move without gasping and clutching her chest in pain. She looks 76 years old, not 56. She's got a purse full of drugs, including Vicadin and Percoset. I'm pretty sure she isn't taking all the drugs the way she's supposed to, and she pops the pain meds like candy. Because of the meds or because she can't breathe or both, she's pretty dizzy and stumbles/almost loses her balance a lot. She's in no condition to work or drive.
I was planning on visiting last weekend anyway because my cousin Jared was getting married on Saturday. Friday night, I got in and was with Mom in her new trailer (I think I talked about that? she's in Nappanee now in a rental). Cindy and Phil came over after Jared's rehearsal dinner, and while I went into the bedroom to change Lily, Cindy asked Mom for money. Mom gave her $20 (I think, maybe it was more?).
Okay, I was FURIOUS with Cindy -- C told me a few days before that that Mom owed $3100 in medical bills she couldn't pay, Mom has been taken to COURT because she couldn't pay (and I only found out AFTER it happened), and she is asking MOM for money?!?!?! So I talked to Eric, knowing I was too angry to talk to Cindy, and he called C and asked her not to ask Mom for money, to come to US if they need gas money to drive Mom around.
Cindy and Phil then give Mom her trailer key back and are done helping her.
Tuesday, Mom calls Cindy and asks for help to go to her work and drop off short-term disability forms. Cindy says no. Mom drives herself to work, stops to get gas on the way back, and falls and breaks her wrist in 4 places.
So when that happened, Eric and I decide that she needs to have the surgery in Indy, and she'll stay with us when she recovers. (At least here, I can take Lily to her sitter's and not have both of them to take care of 24/7.)
Nana got Mom and had her stay with her after she broke her wrist, but Mom doesn't want to stay with Nana. She kept telling me she wanted to go home.
I'm so frustrated with the situation because Mom will NOT accept help she really needs. Nana is getting pretty darn frail and just can't take care of Mom. Cindy won't help her anymore. (I have to assume because we asked her not to ask for money from Mom, though she told Nana that it was becasue she was so hurt because Mom called her a thief. Not true. I also caught Cindy in two other lies she told me and Nana... but I'm staying out of that because Nana believes everything Cindy says and gets all hurt and says I'm taking sides when I tried to talk to her and figure out what the truth was from what Cindy said and Mom said.) Mom doesn't have anyone else she'll ask to help her out and take her to appointments or make sure she has groceries.
Mom also isn't taking care of herself. She is afraid to stand in the shower, she's afraid to sit in the tub (and she probably would fall getting in/out). She doesn't follow the directions the doctors/nurses give her to care for her wrist (like put ice on it and keep it elevated -- and then she's saying it hurts so bad). She doesn't follow directions for foods she's supposed to avoid because of all her stomach/esophagus problems -- she's supposed to avoid citrus, caffeine, chocolate, tomato-based sauces, spicy foods, etc... and Nana told Mom ate half a bowl of Hershey's kisses and chocolate ice cream. When I asked her what she could eat when I got her groceries, she said pizza was okay (this is before I found and read the instructions, so I didn't know pizza is definitely off the list!).
I'm so frustrated because Mom is fucking helpless, Nana is too frail, and Cindy is a bitch. They all lie, or exaggerate, or omit information, so I can't trust ANY of them to tell me what's actually going on. Mom is losing memories -- she gave me some stuff (court documents, insurance bills, financial info) in manilla envelopes -- they're labeled in her handwriting, but she told me she didn't remember writing that. She doesn't remember setting up a payment plan to use her 401k to pay for the insurance bills with Cindy and Phil. She called me Monday (before she broke her wrist) and asked me what happened that weekend, because she was in and out and couldn't remember and didn't understand what was up with Cindy.
Nana called Eric and gave him an earful about crap that Mom did when I was a child. (WTF?! What does that have to do with what's going on now?! And how DARE she go behind my back and tell my husband shit about my mother that SHE WILL NOT TELL ME!) Nana tells Eric she's so upset because I'm taking sides and choosing Mom when I don't know what stuff Mom did when I was little. (Oh, seriously, what the fuck ever. I'm pretty sure I know more about the shit Mom did in her 20s than Nana does.) And what the fuck does she think, that I should punish Mom and not help her now because she partied when I was little and dumped me off with my grandparents? Eric won't tell me what Nana said because he doesn't want to get in the middle, and he says Nana needs to tell me herself if she wants me to know. But Nana won't tell me because she's "protecting me."
I'm so frustrated with all three of those bitches. Mom needs help, but she won't accept it and won't follow directions to care for herself. Nana isn't far from needing help either, but she's at least able to care for herself. Cindy ought to help Mom at least a little, but she won't now... I'm really tempted to call her and tell her I'll mail her a check for gas money if she'll go check on Mom at least a few times a week, make sure she has groceries, and take her to appointments... but I don't trust Cindy to actually use the money for gas and to help Mom. Mom claims she's given Cindy money every week for years, and Cindy buys pot with the money. Cindy told Eric she doesn't smoke anymore and she only asked for gas money 1-2 times a month, and only because neither she or Phil are working (he's going to college, living off financial aid/student loans).
This situation is just too much.
Mom was in the hospital last week. She's been in and out the past month or so -- she's collapsed at work, had such bad chest pains. Anyway, last week they did a lot of tests and found that she has a lot going on. COPD/bronchitis (though this is supposidly mild), GERD, gastric erosion, Barret's esophagus, and a hiatal hernia. The hernia needs surgery and is probably what is causing her chest pain (it's a tear in the diaphram that allows the top part of the stomach to bulge up into the chest).
She got released last Friday, went home. I spent last weekend in Goshen trying to help out (which is super draining because I have to bring Lily and take care of a 17 month old plus Mom). She's white as a sheet, can't move without gasping and clutching her chest in pain. She looks 76 years old, not 56. She's got a purse full of drugs, including Vicadin and Percoset. I'm pretty sure she isn't taking all the drugs the way she's supposed to, and she pops the pain meds like candy. Because of the meds or because she can't breathe or both, she's pretty dizzy and stumbles/almost loses her balance a lot. She's in no condition to work or drive.
I was planning on visiting last weekend anyway because my cousin Jared was getting married on Saturday. Friday night, I got in and was with Mom in her new trailer (I think I talked about that? she's in Nappanee now in a rental). Cindy and Phil came over after Jared's rehearsal dinner, and while I went into the bedroom to change Lily, Cindy asked Mom for money. Mom gave her $20 (I think, maybe it was more?).
Okay, I was FURIOUS with Cindy -- C told me a few days before that that Mom owed $3100 in medical bills she couldn't pay, Mom has been taken to COURT because she couldn't pay (and I only found out AFTER it happened), and she is asking MOM for money?!?!?! So I talked to Eric, knowing I was too angry to talk to Cindy, and he called C and asked her not to ask Mom for money, to come to US if they need gas money to drive Mom around.
Cindy and Phil then give Mom her trailer key back and are done helping her.
Tuesday, Mom calls Cindy and asks for help to go to her work and drop off short-term disability forms. Cindy says no. Mom drives herself to work, stops to get gas on the way back, and falls and breaks her wrist in 4 places.
So when that happened, Eric and I decide that she needs to have the surgery in Indy, and she'll stay with us when she recovers. (At least here, I can take Lily to her sitter's and not have both of them to take care of 24/7.)
Nana got Mom and had her stay with her after she broke her wrist, but Mom doesn't want to stay with Nana. She kept telling me she wanted to go home.
I'm so frustrated with the situation because Mom will NOT accept help she really needs. Nana is getting pretty darn frail and just can't take care of Mom. Cindy won't help her anymore. (I have to assume because we asked her not to ask for money from Mom, though she told Nana that it was becasue she was so hurt because Mom called her a thief. Not true. I also caught Cindy in two other lies she told me and Nana... but I'm staying out of that because Nana believes everything Cindy says and gets all hurt and says I'm taking sides when I tried to talk to her and figure out what the truth was from what Cindy said and Mom said.) Mom doesn't have anyone else she'll ask to help her out and take her to appointments or make sure she has groceries.
Mom also isn't taking care of herself. She is afraid to stand in the shower, she's afraid to sit in the tub (and she probably would fall getting in/out). She doesn't follow the directions the doctors/nurses give her to care for her wrist (like put ice on it and keep it elevated -- and then she's saying it hurts so bad). She doesn't follow directions for foods she's supposed to avoid because of all her stomach/esophagus problems -- she's supposed to avoid citrus, caffeine, chocolate, tomato-based sauces, spicy foods, etc... and Nana told Mom ate half a bowl of Hershey's kisses and chocolate ice cream. When I asked her what she could eat when I got her groceries, she said pizza was okay (this is before I found and read the instructions, so I didn't know pizza is definitely off the list!).
I'm so frustrated because Mom is fucking helpless, Nana is too frail, and Cindy is a bitch. They all lie, or exaggerate, or omit information, so I can't trust ANY of them to tell me what's actually going on. Mom is losing memories -- she gave me some stuff (court documents, insurance bills, financial info) in manilla envelopes -- they're labeled in her handwriting, but she told me she didn't remember writing that. She doesn't remember setting up a payment plan to use her 401k to pay for the insurance bills with Cindy and Phil. She called me Monday (before she broke her wrist) and asked me what happened that weekend, because she was in and out and couldn't remember and didn't understand what was up with Cindy.
Nana called Eric and gave him an earful about crap that Mom did when I was a child. (WTF?! What does that have to do with what's going on now?! And how DARE she go behind my back and tell my husband shit about my mother that SHE WILL NOT TELL ME!) Nana tells Eric she's so upset because I'm taking sides and choosing Mom when I don't know what stuff Mom did when I was little. (Oh, seriously, what the fuck ever. I'm pretty sure I know more about the shit Mom did in her 20s than Nana does.) And what the fuck does she think, that I should punish Mom and not help her now because she partied when I was little and dumped me off with my grandparents? Eric won't tell me what Nana said because he doesn't want to get in the middle, and he says Nana needs to tell me herself if she wants me to know. But Nana won't tell me because she's "protecting me."
I'm so frustrated with all three of those bitches. Mom needs help, but she won't accept it and won't follow directions to care for herself. Nana isn't far from needing help either, but she's at least able to care for herself. Cindy ought to help Mom at least a little, but she won't now... I'm really tempted to call her and tell her I'll mail her a check for gas money if she'll go check on Mom at least a few times a week, make sure she has groceries, and take her to appointments... but I don't trust Cindy to actually use the money for gas and to help Mom. Mom claims she's given Cindy money every week for years, and Cindy buys pot with the money. Cindy told Eric she doesn't smoke anymore and she only asked for gas money 1-2 times a month, and only because neither she or Phil are working (he's going to college, living off financial aid/student loans).
This situation is just too much.