Shadow Figures
Well here I am. :::sigh::: I haven't been in the best of moods lately. A lot of that is because I just feel like things are crashing down. All of those little shadows of annoyance that sends me to hysteria is just emerging. Most of this stuff that has been going on I know, but it's just sinking in. I miss my sister. I thought I could always block it out and try to forget about, but I can't cause my brain just doesn't work that way. this all crashed down when on saturday's crazy night, which i'll get into later, and fawn played "Somewhere Out There" and started singing and I was on the futon crying. Shirley and I used to sing that song all the time, and not too long ago like last month she made that my ring tone. That was our and i miss her. i just want things to go back to the way they were. also, after hearing about carol getting into the school of social work, and i still haven't heard anything yet has kinda put me on this bummish mood like my life is over. trust me...i know i can only wait for my letter to come, but it's just not coming soon enough. cause in my gut i know and people can say no that's not true and that i'll get in, but i know in my gut that based on the grades from the past, i would not get in. that's just the way it is. so i'm just trying to do my best and relax and try to think of things in the best light possible, but that is doubtful.
well the past few days have been interesting. saturday at lunch chris, michael, katie, fawn, and i were just talking and somehow it evolved into us planning to drink up that night. i don't know...it just happened. well it was more of katie, fawn, and michael planning it and mentioned it and chris and i were like okay. so yeah. katie came over with really cheap vodka that she stole and we grabbed a few fruit mix stuff. little did we know, drinks were never made. it just led to a whole fucking bunches of shots. then we ran out and called up james and he hooked us up. it was good. katie had about 20, michael had 12, fawn had 7-8ish, chris had 4-5 and i had 10 shots. after that katie and fawn got a bit sick. michael was whoozy and chris was good. and i don't know why, but i was perfectly fine. i didn't feel a thing, which was really really weird, but whatever. at least that allowed me to help take care of people. but it was fun for the most part, there was singing, interesting conversations, and in a long time we were all just human. it was fun...and i don't think i would've changed anything about it.
it's weird though...even though so much is going on and i'm stressed as hell, i mean my fucking eye has been twitching for the past 6 days, but i don't care. at least i don't want to. the only thing that has been keeping me sane is having that 2 minutes at night just laying in bed underneath the covers and watching shadow figures moving around. amazing how shadows can be good and bad. maybe that's cause it never leaves you the fuck alone. but anyways, it's like that until yinan usually breaks that silence, but it's just nice. maybe i'll go out after class tomorrow and do some stuff on my own. maybe i'll just go rollerblading, to free up some things.
well the past few days have been interesting. saturday at lunch chris, michael, katie, fawn, and i were just talking and somehow it evolved into us planning to drink up that night. i don't know...it just happened. well it was more of katie, fawn, and michael planning it and mentioned it and chris and i were like okay. so yeah. katie came over with really cheap vodka that she stole and we grabbed a few fruit mix stuff. little did we know, drinks were never made. it just led to a whole fucking bunches of shots. then we ran out and called up james and he hooked us up. it was good. katie had about 20, michael had 12, fawn had 7-8ish, chris had 4-5 and i had 10 shots. after that katie and fawn got a bit sick. michael was whoozy and chris was good. and i don't know why, but i was perfectly fine. i didn't feel a thing, which was really really weird, but whatever. at least that allowed me to help take care of people. but it was fun for the most part, there was singing, interesting conversations, and in a long time we were all just human. it was fun...and i don't think i would've changed anything about it.
it's weird though...even though so much is going on and i'm stressed as hell, i mean my fucking eye has been twitching for the past 6 days, but i don't care. at least i don't want to. the only thing that has been keeping me sane is having that 2 minutes at night just laying in bed underneath the covers and watching shadow figures moving around. amazing how shadows can be good and bad. maybe that's cause it never leaves you the fuck alone. but anyways, it's like that until yinan usually breaks that silence, but it's just nice. maybe i'll go out after class tomorrow and do some stuff on my own. maybe i'll just go rollerblading, to free up some things.