last night.
my friend austin thinks that the guy-girl duo from "super size me" is doing their next documentary at Carfagna's (a meat wholesaler) on 161. he said that the girlfriend of the guy who was in the movie is in this one instead of him, and he is the one shooting. she is a vegan chef from NYC and apparently this film is about her working at a meat
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I really don't ask them to seem condescending or accusatory. I usually end up getting attacked by others for asking, and was worried you were going to write me off for asking and explaining my feelings.
It completely makes a great deal of sense, leaving the room to get the spoon... how you put it, giving yourself time to cool-off and pray. my husband got the belt and paddle and says it still makes him feel ill thinking about it. his dad had no idea and still doesn't that is how it made him feel. i do know his dad says he will not spank any of his grankids. he says he's a granpa now, and his job is to spoil them. lol.
my 'rents spoil, but they are firm too. they have only had to threaten time-out so far. the girls are really good with their gran-rents.
my brother n sister inlaws intend on using spanking, and i know they would never ever be abusive. they are devote modern-christians, and very kind, gentle, and loving people. they said they hope to discipline in calm manner. they are due may 4th and will be really amasing parents. i love them so much.
I guess it's all a matter whether the parent's are doing it as true discipline or they're doing it cos they're downright peeved and short of patience. I have noticed some of the friends i mentioned, who's kids hit others, are the short of patience ones. my two friends whom swat on the bum with their hands, have a gentle child. infact, i have never seen them do it but once. and they try other methods of calming their son first. he is a really good kid.
yeah, in california, you can not use foreign objects to spank your child. and most courts, in divorce or custody battles, will agree with a parent who does not believe in any sort of physical punishment at all. I know this, cos my husband had it ordered that the mother of his first dot can not spank or hit their child. ever. there were many things that led him to believe that she could not be calm in discipline and he simply did not trust her judgement in how hard she was spanking/slapping etc.,. and yet, after the court order was finalised part of him wished he hadn't gotten it passed cos we have her for visits and she was a physical tantrum thrower. biting, kicking, spitting, hitting, screaming for hours. time out took a long time to work for her. with our dots, usually warnings work. i only give one warning, sometimes one reminder. but that's it. if they don't listen, it's a one-way-ticket-to-time-out-ville. so far, it's worked.
i only spanked miss' once. and i still almost think i had to do it, yet know i felt frantic (frusterated) when i did it. i had tried to put her on her bed for time out, was holding the baby... she was 3 1/2 (and had never had a tantrum before this week). the whole wk she was pitching fits. and i think it was becos i was at my end. i was extremely burnt out and tired. anyhow, she was being a nut. so i took her to her room. she would not stay on the bed. she kept screaming, almost mimicking her older half-sister (that's a whole other story), and she was making the baby cry too. I kept trying to put her back on the bed while holding lil' on my right hip. so, i was using one arm. she kept getting down and screaming at me. basically, it was a war of control. so i ended up putting the baby down in the other room, taking her back to her room, putting her over my lap and spanking her (which really shocked her) and then i put her back on her bed. she has never got off her bed again when in time-out since. and i haven't had to spank her since. usually it's time-out or one warning.
I am sure you didn't want to read all that. haha.
any how, thanks for explaining your method. my inlaws i mentioned are the only other people who will explain what their chosen form of discipline means to them. others just usually snip at me and tell me, "I'll do whatever the heck I want to do with MY child". such a sensitive subject. :)
ox
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disciplining when angry is a bad idea i think. it challenges the spirit of why one is correcting the child. i think its unavoidable at times of course but i think that stepping back and calming down is essential so you dont reinforce that its ok to lash out in anger towards anyone and that all actions should spring from a spirit of love, even discipline.
and yes of course i read all of that!
we are reallllly hoping that the grandparents reinforce what we feel (on MANY subjects). a big one for us is going to be holidays. we don't want to tell our children about santa or observe halloween in the traditional sense. we dont mind doing a general "harvest party" but dressing up and trick or treating on october 31st will not be done. santa will be the biggest challenge for my parents to comply with i think. they think its stupid for us to not tell our kids but honestly for us we just CAN'T. christmas is about Jesus, not presents. so while we will of course not deny that there was once a figure called St. Nicholas thats about all we'll tell them about. we see the mythology of santa as a lying and i just cant in good faith tell my children not to lie and not reinforce in ALL the way.
/end rant
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