sigh

[bluestardusteye]

no matter what i try to do, or how i try to do it, or however accidentally something happened, i can't win. the next howevermanyyearsofmylife are just going to be laced with stress i don't need thanks to the woman who gave birth to the man i'm marrying in less than 5 months. i swear, sometimes i just want to yell at her and tell her a thousand

Comments

[anonymous]

She seems pushy. And if she is pushing, you need to push back. Its your wedding. She presumably already had her own wedding. And if she's oblivious to other people's feelings to begin with, being the bigger person and keeping quiet will only allow her behavior to dictate the situation and allow her feelings to precede and influence everything. And what privilege should her feelings have over everyone else's, especially yours? She doesn't sound like a mind reader, or intuitive, and actually sounds hugely selfish, to not care or understand that her behavior is not only argumentative, but superfluous and ultimately wasteful of her time and yours, and then of course, hurtful in the process. People like that are so draining, resentfully so, because of the extra effort it takes to deal with them that is intended for people who appreciate and deserve it and for who it contributes to the growth of your relationship. And Luke is not the only human she gave birth to. There will be many situations, and most of them will never be as tangible as a wedding, where finding your footing to counter her will matter but will be that much harder to find. You'll perpetually feel attacked and she'll continue to believe that her attitude is just a normal form of communication with other human beings. I won't tell you what to do, but you have how much experience being in the academic world?... to know when to turn it on and look down your nose at someone because they deserve it, as both a means of asserting yourself, and a means of teaching them how to survive in this world with some respect, and god forbid, some grace? In the end, do what you want, because you have to think of every decision as a transaction, not just for the commodity itself, but the emotions you attach to that commodity, emotions you spend on it, both you and her, and both of those emotional reserves will wear down and run out at some point, maybe in two weeks, maybe in a few months, maybe in a year. Making decisions, and making ones that you feel good about, should be the driving factor, and will free up your mind to deal with other subsequent decisions, because there will be endless decisions, it never stops, especially not just because the wedding is "finally over and done with." But those decisions also free up the mental faculty of other people who have so far, bothered you with what they think is best, without their opinion truly being asked for or desired, and thus also being superfluous and ultimately wasteful of their time and yours. Everyone should be on their extra extra extra extra best behavior to make sure you're happy, not the other way around, because its your wedding, and even though in theory, a wedding is for the bride and groom's families and friends, the bride and the groom share that wedding with any small or large portion of those families and friends they regard as deserving of that open bar and chocolate dessert buffet, and not the other way around!