escaping and effusing
There are so many things going on in my life right now.
I get to this point where I just want to escape somehow, but instead I just watch myself enact and feel trapped. I want to cruise to Europe. I want to get a massage. I want to spend one day not doing anything. I want to spend more time with old friends. I want to write (I don't even have time to write for my creative writing class!). I got a new tattoo, but it didn't help this feeling of wanting to reinvent myself.
I suppose I should address the Kevin situation. I've been handling editing a book (I just finished on Monday), my marketing internship, interviewing, school, projects, and a boyfriend---one of these things was doomed to suffer, and it happened to be my (recently) rocky relationship with Kevin. I decided it would be more fair to him if I broke it off than string him along until I could devote attention to our situation after graduation. But, he still has faith that we'll work it out, and is hoping and being patient. For that, he's become endearing to me again. It's likely that we'll try again after things settle down in a few weeks. In just three weeks we will have been together one year. In just four weeks I graduate.
And speaking of that.....I interviewed for a Publicist position at my office, and it sounded like I got the position. I was supposed to receive the official offer, but haven't yet--and then I found out about a Marketing Specialist position that opened within my department. They started interviewing two weeks ago, and no one told me! Don't you think they'd want to inform the hard-working, graduating senior intern about the position???!!??? I'd honestly rather have that position. Argh, office politics, it's weird manuevering aroung these things (especially when these departments and offices are all in the same room). I emailed the Publicity dept. head and I should know about that job (hopefully) for sure by tomorrow. Regardless, if they are still interviewing for the Marketing Specialist position, I'm tempted to let them know my interest. I'm afraid I might be too late, though :(.
The job I interviewed for in Indy I didn't get, and they said they had an overwhelming response (for just an entry-level position). It really scared me. And then, I began looking for jobs online, but I wasn't able to find any. Anymore, I get scared, and then feel like I just want to secure something----anything---- in this poor economic climate....but another part of me wants to be sure I'm not selling myself short. Luckily, Author Solutions is a growing company, and I keep telling myself that there will be even more positions opening up.....if I didn't have this internship or experience, I don't know what I'd do at this point. I'm freaking out as it is.
My eating habits and sleeping habits have been poor lately....I've had some sort of cold (or allergies) for over two months now....I've been having tension headaches, I was diagnosed with tendonitus in my left wrist (and I feel like my right one is suffering now too), and my weight has been fluctuating. I'm starting to think the stress is slowly tearing me apart. I need to do something---exercise probably, but I'd rather skip school and walk around a park, or just relax somewhere, or look at puppies.
My more-frequent escapes to Fort Wayne help somewhat. Seeing Alexis, and watching her grow so fast, makes me the happiest aunt alive. I can reminesce with old friends, remember the good old days and forget Bloomington---it's almost like living a double life. The place that once held bad memories (Fort Wayne) is now my haven, and the place that I fell in love with (Bloomington) is now full of bad memories.
Honestly, I think it would be really nice to live in that larger, middle ground---Indianapolis.
I get to this point where I just want to escape somehow, but instead I just watch myself enact and feel trapped. I want to cruise to Europe. I want to get a massage. I want to spend one day not doing anything. I want to spend more time with old friends. I want to write (I don't even have time to write for my creative writing class!). I got a new tattoo, but it didn't help this feeling of wanting to reinvent myself.
I suppose I should address the Kevin situation. I've been handling editing a book (I just finished on Monday), my marketing internship, interviewing, school, projects, and a boyfriend---one of these things was doomed to suffer, and it happened to be my (recently) rocky relationship with Kevin. I decided it would be more fair to him if I broke it off than string him along until I could devote attention to our situation after graduation. But, he still has faith that we'll work it out, and is hoping and being patient. For that, he's become endearing to me again. It's likely that we'll try again after things settle down in a few weeks. In just three weeks we will have been together one year. In just four weeks I graduate.
And speaking of that.....I interviewed for a Publicist position at my office, and it sounded like I got the position. I was supposed to receive the official offer, but haven't yet--and then I found out about a Marketing Specialist position that opened within my department. They started interviewing two weeks ago, and no one told me! Don't you think they'd want to inform the hard-working, graduating senior intern about the position???!!??? I'd honestly rather have that position. Argh, office politics, it's weird manuevering aroung these things (especially when these departments and offices are all in the same room). I emailed the Publicity dept. head and I should know about that job (hopefully) for sure by tomorrow. Regardless, if they are still interviewing for the Marketing Specialist position, I'm tempted to let them know my interest. I'm afraid I might be too late, though :(.
The job I interviewed for in Indy I didn't get, and they said they had an overwhelming response (for just an entry-level position). It really scared me. And then, I began looking for jobs online, but I wasn't able to find any. Anymore, I get scared, and then feel like I just want to secure something----anything---- in this poor economic climate....but another part of me wants to be sure I'm not selling myself short. Luckily, Author Solutions is a growing company, and I keep telling myself that there will be even more positions opening up.....if I didn't have this internship or experience, I don't know what I'd do at this point. I'm freaking out as it is.
My eating habits and sleeping habits have been poor lately....I've had some sort of cold (or allergies) for over two months now....I've been having tension headaches, I was diagnosed with tendonitus in my left wrist (and I feel like my right one is suffering now too), and my weight has been fluctuating. I'm starting to think the stress is slowly tearing me apart. I need to do something---exercise probably, but I'd rather skip school and walk around a park, or just relax somewhere, or look at puppies.
My more-frequent escapes to Fort Wayne help somewhat. Seeing Alexis, and watching her grow so fast, makes me the happiest aunt alive. I can reminesce with old friends, remember the good old days and forget Bloomington---it's almost like living a double life. The place that once held bad memories (Fort Wayne) is now my haven, and the place that I fell in love with (Bloomington) is now full of bad memories.
Honestly, I think it would be really nice to live in that larger, middle ground---Indianapolis.