grown up talk
So, Friday my friends fell apart.
Thursday night Nicole came home drunk (like always, after drunk driving like always) and yelled, calling me a bitch. But not before she said a rude comment to Kevin as he was leaving. Friday I confronted her about it, and she said it was all because I didn't say hi when I was playing a video game with Kevin a few days earlier. Immature.
But then, she twisted a knife in my heart like she always does. She said that Deanna talks badly of me all the time (when I thought we were finally becoming friends) and that she told Laura (Kevin's friend) that he shouldn't date me. It's no wonder that Laura freaked out on me when we all went to the bar so long ago. Deanna, she said--- who I've never done anything to---stabbed me in the back. Again.
I did ask her about it, because I know Nicole likes to exaggerate, and Dee said that she did tell Laura she "didn't think" that Kevin and I "were compatible." I am at a complete loss as to why someone would even say that. Dee hasn't really tried to get to know me this year, but I still thought she knew enough of me to know that I am a good person. You don't say something like that unless you really think badly about someone. I don't deserve that.
But this is on top of my friend Sarah going off on me for having an "attitude" when we last talked and saying that I'm selfishly absorbed in my own happiness, not caring about any of my friends. Maybe if she really knew how shitty of a year I've had and why, she'd let me enjoy the few weeks of happiness that I've just recently had.... I tried to tell her that I really do care about our friendship, that I wasn't raised to show affection. I offered to take her out to fly kites and have a picnic. She said no. And demanded an apology.
I feel like I'm growing apart from my friends, all of them, and I don't know what to do. And it does hurt me. No one calls anymore to hang out. I don't feel like I have a whole lot to offer them anymore, and I don't know why. Plus, I'm graduating in less than a year, which makes me less motivated to create or further relationships with other people (I know it shouldn't be like that, but it is). I don't have a home now, either, and my house here holds negative feelings. Nothing in my life is certain, nothing to keep me centered. Except for Kevin, but what if for some reason it doesn't work out? I can't see that happening, but who does. It's a dangerous spot to be in.
Things are either going really well or really bad. I think God throws these things at me all at once to challenge me. I'll get through this, I hope stronger than before. I've been through worse.
Thursday night Nicole came home drunk (like always, after drunk driving like always) and yelled, calling me a bitch. But not before she said a rude comment to Kevin as he was leaving. Friday I confronted her about it, and she said it was all because I didn't say hi when I was playing a video game with Kevin a few days earlier. Immature.
But then, she twisted a knife in my heart like she always does. She said that Deanna talks badly of me all the time (when I thought we were finally becoming friends) and that she told Laura (Kevin's friend) that he shouldn't date me. It's no wonder that Laura freaked out on me when we all went to the bar so long ago. Deanna, she said--- who I've never done anything to---stabbed me in the back. Again.
I did ask her about it, because I know Nicole likes to exaggerate, and Dee said that she did tell Laura she "didn't think" that Kevin and I "were compatible." I am at a complete loss as to why someone would even say that. Dee hasn't really tried to get to know me this year, but I still thought she knew enough of me to know that I am a good person. You don't say something like that unless you really think badly about someone. I don't deserve that.
But this is on top of my friend Sarah going off on me for having an "attitude" when we last talked and saying that I'm selfishly absorbed in my own happiness, not caring about any of my friends. Maybe if she really knew how shitty of a year I've had and why, she'd let me enjoy the few weeks of happiness that I've just recently had.... I tried to tell her that I really do care about our friendship, that I wasn't raised to show affection. I offered to take her out to fly kites and have a picnic. She said no. And demanded an apology.
I feel like I'm growing apart from my friends, all of them, and I don't know what to do. And it does hurt me. No one calls anymore to hang out. I don't feel like I have a whole lot to offer them anymore, and I don't know why. Plus, I'm graduating in less than a year, which makes me less motivated to create or further relationships with other people (I know it shouldn't be like that, but it is). I don't have a home now, either, and my house here holds negative feelings. Nothing in my life is certain, nothing to keep me centered. Except for Kevin, but what if for some reason it doesn't work out? I can't see that happening, but who does. It's a dangerous spot to be in.
Things are either going really well or really bad. I think God throws these things at me all at once to challenge me. I'll get through this, I hope stronger than before. I've been through worse.