Black Holes & Revelations 8/?
Chapter 8
The definition of dreams according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is described as "a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep" but Quinn Fabray knew they were so much more than mere images that flashed before her eyes as she slept. They were a window into her subconscious mind. At first she just tossed them aside reasoning that they didn't mean anything except the suggestions that a certain brunette had planted in her head, but with each one she had it would further break down her resolve. Despite all of her carefully guarded walls Rachel Berry had slipped in and set up camp inside of her. Everything she saw, smelled, felt, it all somehow made its way back to Rachel. Even the sight of a pencil sharpener caused her to have a flashback of when she was watching the singer slowly and methodically sharpening her pencil during glee after stomping over to it in a disgusted manner. As though she felt as if she was being watched she threw that gorgeous mane over her shoulder and glanced in Quinn's direction catching hazel eyes as they quickly looked away in embarrassment of having been caught.
Quinn felt trapped in her existence even more than before. Not only was she pregnant with the child of her ex-boyfriend's best friend, but she also found herself coveting the diva on a near constant basis. Her life sucked and it seemed as though her only salvation was the dreams she could escape into each night. It may not have been reality, but it was the only time she felt as though anyone gave a damn about her. She knew she had caused her undoing, but was she really so terrible and unforgivable that she could just be tossed away as easily as the garbage?
But in her dreams, oh her dreams! Her angel of salvation would come to her with kind words and a soft touch. It was as though Rachel had become her Princess Charming in her dream world and every night she would pull her out of the cinders and into a world of love and beauty. These dreams would then follow her to school leaving her with the feelings of warmth and longing all lumped into one lousy package that was her life. Though each dream was different, the sentiment was always the same: unconditional love. Every word, every look, every touch always overflowed with love and Quinn would bathe in it each night. During the days she would do her best to hold onto those feelings as people would slam into her in the halls as though she weren't even there anymore. She allowed the flashbacks of the dreams to flood her mind and leave her feeling flushed, all the while enveloping herself in all that was Rachel Berry.
At one time she would avoid Rachel at all costs, and now she found herself going out of her way, sometimes at the expense of being late to class, just to catch a glimpse of the shorter girl walking down the hall. It was torture as she found the brunette usually in the company of Finn, but it was worth it just to watch the girl as she practically bounced down the hall to her classes.
"Stalk much?" Santana had seemingly come out of nowhere, but in actuality she had been observing the blonde's peculiar behavior for days.
"Holy shit, Santana! You nearly gave me a heart attack" Quinn panted out as she clutched her books closer to her chest.
The cheerleader merely glanced over at her friend before returning her eyes to the pair that she caught the blonde staring at. "You're better off" she mused looking back at Quinn.
Her heart calming down, Quinn shot one last look at Rachel as she turned the corner with the tall boy right at her hip. "What?" was all she could muster out after her private daily pattern had been rudely interrupted.
"You're better off without Finn. I never thought he was right for you anyway." She glanced over at her friend who still had a puzzled look on her face. "Sure he's cute and popular, but let's face it, the boy is lacking in other departments."
Quinn couldn't help but look at the Latina with a scrunched up face. "You were the one who said I should date Finn in the first place."
"Well sure he was the quarterback and you were head cheerleader, it just made sense to improve both of your popularity statuses" she said scoffing. Noticing the wince at the past tense of head cheerleader, Santana quickly changed the subject. "Come on, I'll walk you to class."
That day in glee Quinn found the air more tense than usual. Apparently before she made it into the choir room a fight had nearly broken out when Puck accused Finn for having moved on rather quickly after witnessing the tall boy walking in with Rachel snuggly at his side with his arm around her shoulders. After being informed of this by Santana and Brittany Quinn was extremely glad she had missed it because the thought of his man-hands on her was not something she was ready for. Despite knowing better, she looked over at Finn whose eyes were filled with a mixture of hurt that was being overshadowed with anger and deep resentment. Puck looked at her with what could be called good intentional anger directed towards the taller boy, but instead it just made her feel worse. Finally her gaze wandered over to the girl standing off to Finn's side. Her hands were on his arm as though she had been holding him back from a fight but had allowed her hands to linger a little longer. Catching Quinn's sad eyes she quickly let go looking guilty and slightly ashamed. Time seemed to stop and began to turn slowly around the four of them with all the on lookers not knowing what to do.
A minute later Mr. Schuester quickly walked into the room with an excited tone in his voice as he talked about what the week would entail for the group not noticing what he had just stepped into.
"So I was thinking this morning that since there has been a lot of stress on everyone lately that it might be a good idea to get some of those feelings out and clear the air, which brings me to your assignments for the week. I want you all to pick a song that represents how you're feeling right now and give it your all. I have found that when I have a lot of stress it always helps to know I'm not the only one. As the Elton John song says, Sad Songs Say So Much. So, while you all think about that I would like to go over a few things regarding Regional's."
Before he could continue, Finn suddenly stood up nearly knocking Rachel out of her seat beside him. "Uh, Mr. Schue?"
Will looked up from his notes rather startled, "Yes Finn?"
"If it's ok with you, and everyone here, I have a song in mind" he said in a sheepish yet determined voice. Meanwhile, Quinn's stomach clenched in fear, her eyes traveling over to the brunette next to him. She looked just as nervous as the blonde felt.
Will laughed a little out of surprise. "Already?" Finn just nodded. "Uhm, well sure, ok. Go for it!"
Puck clenched his jaw while tensing all over making Quinn who sat next to him even more nervous. Santana quietly placed her hand over the blonde's, while Brittany looked at her with concern in her eyes. Quinn thoroughly appreciated her friends being there for her even before the song sang. Whatever it was going to be, she knew it wasn't going to be good. Either it was going to be an 'I hate you' song towards her or an 'I love you' song to Rachel and she really didn't think she bear the latter. Glancing over at the brunette she expected to see admiration and goo-goo eyes, but instead she found apprehension. Everyone else in the room looked between each other with uneasy glances not knowing what to expect as Finn took a seat behind the drums.
With the thump of the bass drum and the strumming of the electric guitar Quinn knew immediately what the song was and it definitely wasn't an 'I love you' song, and she felt some of the tension leave her body. This she could deal with. Judging by the head bobbing everyone else was doing in the room they too recognized the song. This part could only spell trouble for Quinn as her fears would soon be realized once Finn hit the chorus. His eyes were searing with fury as he stared into hers as he began singing.
She's going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there's more
Than he gave she's looking for
He calls her up
He's trippin' on the phone now
He doesn't want her out there
And alone now
He knows she's movin' it
Knows she's using it
Now he's losing it
She don't care
It was then right before the chorus that her nightmare began as everyone but Santana, Puck, and Brittany stood up. Well Brittany tried, but was immediately pulled back down by Santana. The room filled with voices singing the chorus in an almost chant-like way. Everyone but the three of them…and Rachel.
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you've got nothing left
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Back it up now
You've got a reason to live
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don't be afraid to get down
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Everyone was still dancing around as Finn continued to sing, but his angry eyes never left Quinn's as he beat the drums with frustrated rage.
He was always giving her attention
Working hard to buy the things she mentioned
He was dedicated
But most suckers hated
That girl was fine
But she didn't appreciate him
She calls him up
She's trippin' on the phone now
He had to get up
And he ain't comin' home now
He's tryin' to forget her
That's how we come with him
When he first met her
When they first got together
With a new fire everyone began to twist and practically shout out the chorus with Finn.
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don't be afraid to get down
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
To the beat
You got nothing to lose
Don't be afraid to get down
As if on cue everyone settled back down for the next part of Finn's song, his eyes looking back to Quinn then slowly to Rachel as if to emphasize his words and their meanings to both of them.
We break up
It's something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It's okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone
It's too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You know everything is good here
While twirling one of his drumsticks in the his fingers he suddenly stops to point to Rachel as he sings the last part of the verse before heading back into a glee club filled final chorus.
Stop what you're doin'
You don't wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
Find a new one
Everybody put up your hands
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don't be afraid to get down
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Now you know what to do
So come on, feelin' good!
As the song ended everyone cheered. Everyone but the three friends…and Rachel who clapped mildly as she glanced sorrowfully in Quinn's direction with unsaid emotions passing over both of their faces. One thing was for sure - Quinn was going to need her dreams more than ever that night even if she too didn't want to be in love.
tbc
A/N: The song used does not belong to me, but rather the gentlemen who wrote it (I presume). The song is Dance Floor Anthem by Good Charlotte.
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