Music for the Masses- Liquid Soul
Today's find is Liquid Soul-- what I would call "long-winded dance-trance." Definately very snappy & danceable.
Tired & finding my bum shoulder to be very annoying. It's now a neverending issue of numbness, heaviness, & expectation of struggling to "remember" how things ought to be done-- like holding a pencil or typing a word-- because whatever is happening to my shoulder is affecting my hands, too.
I need to get in to see a specialist... this has been going on so long, and it just keeps getting worse. Pfooey.
WARNING-- WOMEN'S ISSUES AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL
I am also extremely irritated by the fact that I am having a menstrual cycle. Verily, most folks would find this to be a strange thing to say-- & I imagine it is, unless you were me, and had enjoyed the blissful state of taking a Pill that eliminated having a period all together-- for years. In fact, the particular Pill also fiddled around positively with the hormonal state of my head, cut back my sex drive (no, really, this is a good thing, I assure you) & provided me with no small measure of relief.
I had a cycle, could still tell when I was approaching ovulation, etc., I just didn't get an actual period, or much else of the shit that has tormented me for the prior duration of my body's onslaught of womanhood. I had terrible mood swings; bouts of anger, depression, ecstatic joy, cyclic in nature, like an infamous bipolar rollercoaster (still wonder if I'm a rapid cycling bipolar to begin with).... Yaz took care of all of that. I gained weight-- but I figured I could accept that as an even exchange...
Long story short, perhaps my body has given up trying to compete/stand alone against the menstrual cycles of 20 other women. I have noticed the impact on my mental function l ong ago, but now I'm back to having actual periods (ugh!!!!!), and I'm very aware of my increased aggression, crampiness, back pain, "water weight," sex drive, prior habit of always having intense cravings, the onset of PMS acne (Jesus Jumping Jerome on a pogo stick, I hate this shit!! Fcuking blemishes, dammit!) my psycho-spiritual "pick ups" are on overload... I am SO whining. What is normal to most women is completely unacceptable, to me.
What is scary is that I seem to be returning to the additional high-low cycles, of which include suicidal tendencies & utter despair-- to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, and crying over nothing, to having very little emotional response. This is one reason I started taking the Pill in the first place... But if the high-low cycles are tied to other hormonal issues, I need to address them, first. Such a long, winding road.
To add insult to injury, I had to go out and buy feminine hygiene products (WHY does that phrase make me laugh so hard?). I forgot how expensive the stupid-assed things are. Nice.
Anyway. Third day of said Women's Issues, and I am still very crabby, plus my back hurts. I am cold, grumpy, and whining like a mule that's had its rump branded by a hot poker. So I'm going to shadrack & skadoodle, to get ready for my workday.
Cheers & All