Writer's Fodder: Firsts
30 September, 2006: "Smother the Whisperer." I had just ditched my previous blog due to the unwelcome, destructive presence of a couple of readers; the former blog did not have the option to privacy-protect posts. The post was about my feelings about my marriage, at the time. The wheedling is as follows:
Where to begin? Ahh, the whining. Of course.
I have been blogging for about six years. I have/had three journals, all unsuccessfully kept from the eyes of my husband of nearly three years. This is my final attempt to have a blog sans prying eyes.
The last straw occurred in August, shortly after I'd typed a series of blog entries that proclaimed my confusion, despair, fear and anger over the state of my marriage.
An ex-girlfriend of his may or may not have been involved in directing his attention to the particular entries, but the end result was that he read my blog without asking, and what he read was not pleasant. What was even more unpleasant was the ultimatum that was issued: either I "shape up" or I "ship out." One of the requirements of "shaping up" is that I must start attempting to conceive and bear him a child, as of the middle of next year. The problem? In my heart of hearts, I do not want to have children.
Five years ago I thought I could "do the impossible" for him. I truly did. I believed him to be the type of person who would be the right father, provider, lover, and supporter that I needed to encourage my maternal instincts.
Six years after meeting each other and nearly three years of marriage... I don't know if I love him, anymore.
One part of me is able to see the situation clearly, and acknowledges that it is unfair to deny him what another woman would gladly be willing to give him.
He deserves happiness, and so do I.
Enough for now.\
(end of blog entry)
I am now in the process of going through my old entries, tagging them, and deciding whether or not I want to change the protected entries to public. Who knows, maybe my whiny-assed complaining will inspire someone to stay married. Or to divorce. Or exit out of my journal & continue with their normal life.
I am groggy this morning... dreamt of Louisiana's potholes & bayous. Kept on driving into them, but I was so amused at my own foolishness that I was laughing, and laughing very hard.
Off to make tea & coffee. Yes, I'm having both.
Cheers All
P.S. Kev, where did you go?? Cannot access your blog anymore... as in, I get a blank screen. Wha?
Where to begin? Ahh, the whining. Of course.
I have been blogging for about six years. I have/had three journals, all unsuccessfully kept from the eyes of my husband of nearly three years. This is my final attempt to have a blog sans prying eyes.
The last straw occurred in August, shortly after I'd typed a series of blog entries that proclaimed my confusion, despair, fear and anger over the state of my marriage.
An ex-girlfriend of his may or may not have been involved in directing his attention to the particular entries, but the end result was that he read my blog without asking, and what he read was not pleasant. What was even more unpleasant was the ultimatum that was issued: either I "shape up" or I "ship out." One of the requirements of "shaping up" is that I must start attempting to conceive and bear him a child, as of the middle of next year. The problem? In my heart of hearts, I do not want to have children.
Five years ago I thought I could "do the impossible" for him. I truly did. I believed him to be the type of person who would be the right father, provider, lover, and supporter that I needed to encourage my maternal instincts.
Six years after meeting each other and nearly three years of marriage... I don't know if I love him, anymore.
One part of me is able to see the situation clearly, and acknowledges that it is unfair to deny him what another woman would gladly be willing to give him.
He deserves happiness, and so do I.
Enough for now.\
(end of blog entry)
I am now in the process of going through my old entries, tagging them, and deciding whether or not I want to change the protected entries to public. Who knows, maybe my whiny-assed complaining will inspire someone to stay married. Or to divorce. Or exit out of my journal & continue with their normal life.
I am groggy this morning... dreamt of Louisiana's potholes & bayous. Kept on driving into them, but I was so amused at my own foolishness that I was laughing, and laughing very hard.
Off to make tea & coffee. Yes, I'm having both.
Cheers All
P.S. Kev, where did you go?? Cannot access your blog anymore... as in, I get a blank screen. Wha?