lonely vs. moments of weakness...
Note: Below may or may not be TMI for some...
So, I take birth control pills. Like a lot of the female population out there, I have become comfortable with these supplements. Some offer women "help" in preventing and fighting acne, or reducing PMS, cramps, whatever. I've been on the pill since I was 17 and to be honest, I never noticed any side effect or benefit other than it made me regular. Every month, I have 21 pills to take and one week that I forgo the pills to have that regular "time of the month". It's been over 10 years since I started that routine and I haven't missed a week (maybe a day or two).
Well, apparently, I was set to run out of pills. I ran out but thankfully, I had my mother send me some more from home. Somehow, things got messed up and the box didn't make it in time (I have my box now) but regardless, I've spent the last 2 weeks without pills. One week is fine, "Aunt Flo" arrived that week and all seemed normal... but not having a pill to take once it was over meant that I was flying that next week solo. I know it takes a little while for the hormones to really leave your system but 2 full weeks without the pill seems enough to notice some changes.
The problem is, I don't know if it IS the hormones or if it's just me... but I seem to be having problems controlling my libido. It's completely weird! I mean, I think for a woman of my age I have a healthy sex drive. More often than not I can suppress the desire/need and I feel like I can control my urges. Sure, there are moments of weakness... I have a hot dream, or I wish that there was someone I could be intimate with, yadda yadda... but usually, they pass by quickly and I'm fine. But lately, I've been feeling lonely. More so than usual. I don't mean the kind where I want company to sit around with me... I mean lonely where I want to find someone who would enjoy a nice romp in the sack with me. I mean, I'm all hot and bothered and it's not going away. Forget cold showers. Distractions don't seem to be working. What's going on?!?! Okay, it's been about a year since I was with anyone but for me, that's pretty normal. Well, it's on the long side, but regardless, I've forgone sex for longer than that.
Still, a part of me wonders if this is the lack of hormones getting to me or if it's really my body trying to convince me to find a moment of opportunity. I'm no ho but for goodness sake, a woman has NEEDS! hahaha... I can't say that with a straight face but I really mean it in all seriousness. And not to mention that I've started communicating to some people online again (it's the whole dating website thing again)... but then, I wonder, since I've gained weight again, would anyone find me appealing or attractive enough that I'd rouse their... well... totem pole? Or would I just be so unappealing now that the thought of having to endure it would be unbearable?
I, by no means, am looking for a relationship just yet... but my personal beliefs are conflicting. I don't believe you should just have casual sex and not be in a relationship... there are factors there that just make things awkward and eventually, emotions and feelings develop and a skewed relationship already begins to form. No, I believe you should be in a relationship and be confirmed to be dating each other before you really begin screwing around.
That throws a wrench into things, I suppose. I guess I just hope this feeling subsides soon and that it IS just an effect of having gone off the pill for too long (but really, is my libido that strong?! jeez... I feel like a freak!)... either that or hope to find someone I fall for and vice versa. HA! Like that'll happen anytime soon.
So, I take birth control pills. Like a lot of the female population out there, I have become comfortable with these supplements. Some offer women "help" in preventing and fighting acne, or reducing PMS, cramps, whatever. I've been on the pill since I was 17 and to be honest, I never noticed any side effect or benefit other than it made me regular. Every month, I have 21 pills to take and one week that I forgo the pills to have that regular "time of the month". It's been over 10 years since I started that routine and I haven't missed a week (maybe a day or two).
Well, apparently, I was set to run out of pills. I ran out but thankfully, I had my mother send me some more from home. Somehow, things got messed up and the box didn't make it in time (I have my box now) but regardless, I've spent the last 2 weeks without pills. One week is fine, "Aunt Flo" arrived that week and all seemed normal... but not having a pill to take once it was over meant that I was flying that next week solo. I know it takes a little while for the hormones to really leave your system but 2 full weeks without the pill seems enough to notice some changes.
The problem is, I don't know if it IS the hormones or if it's just me... but I seem to be having problems controlling my libido. It's completely weird! I mean, I think for a woman of my age I have a healthy sex drive. More often than not I can suppress the desire/need and I feel like I can control my urges. Sure, there are moments of weakness... I have a hot dream, or I wish that there was someone I could be intimate with, yadda yadda... but usually, they pass by quickly and I'm fine. But lately, I've been feeling lonely. More so than usual. I don't mean the kind where I want company to sit around with me... I mean lonely where I want to find someone who would enjoy a nice romp in the sack with me. I mean, I'm all hot and bothered and it's not going away. Forget cold showers. Distractions don't seem to be working. What's going on?!?! Okay, it's been about a year since I was with anyone but for me, that's pretty normal. Well, it's on the long side, but regardless, I've forgone sex for longer than that.
Still, a part of me wonders if this is the lack of hormones getting to me or if it's really my body trying to convince me to find a moment of opportunity. I'm no ho but for goodness sake, a woman has NEEDS! hahaha... I can't say that with a straight face but I really mean it in all seriousness. And not to mention that I've started communicating to some people online again (it's the whole dating website thing again)... but then, I wonder, since I've gained weight again, would anyone find me appealing or attractive enough that I'd rouse their... well... totem pole? Or would I just be so unappealing now that the thought of having to endure it would be unbearable?
I, by no means, am looking for a relationship just yet... but my personal beliefs are conflicting. I don't believe you should just have casual sex and not be in a relationship... there are factors there that just make things awkward and eventually, emotions and feelings develop and a skewed relationship already begins to form. No, I believe you should be in a relationship and be confirmed to be dating each other before you really begin screwing around.
That throws a wrench into things, I suppose. I guess I just hope this feeling subsides soon and that it IS just an effect of having gone off the pill for too long (but really, is my libido that strong?! jeez... I feel like a freak!)... either that or hope to find someone I fall for and vice versa. HA! Like that'll happen anytime soon.