.............out of breath
When did i stop recognizing myself in the mirror?
I know that sounds corny and very al la virginia Woolf. But you gotta hand it to her, bitch knew her shit. Maybe I haven't really been myself in a long time. The person i knew would never of just let "shit" happen. No, that's not the kind of person i am. tonight i let a friend of mine, sit there on and off for a good 2 hours, tell me how wrong i was about an issue, that didn't wanna discuss in the first place. I sat there and I let that person verbally abuse me for two hours. And by the time i left i was so beside myself, i didn't even have the know all to cry. To cry for the fact that I let myself be ripped apart like that. This may sound odd, but when my parents split up, i changed a lot, I became really quiet, and i kind of just let everything go, like i had built this amazing sand castle, and instead of protecting it when the tide came in, i sat there and watched the water consume my sand castle. And the funny thing is, even to this day, I don't build my sand castle way back, so that i don't have to worry, what i do know is build whatever i want, wherever i want, and i don't put much time into any of it, so when i sit ther and i watch it get ruined by the tide, instead of feeling pain, and loss, i feel relieved. I feel relieved that i don't have to deal with any more shit. So when obnoxious people who threaten me , and act like drunk people do what they do, I don't care, because not having to deal with them, is the biggest relief. Or when my good friends don't tell me what they feel,and i have to hear it from their boyfriends, what a terrible friend i was, this one time i screwed up. So their boyfriend he tells me what i'ave done wrong, and even though what i did wrong took a day out of their lives, that conversation with the boyfriend will be plaguing me for a month. And i'll get so consumed with anger and hatred, that it becomes so easy for me to detach myself from them. I don't like to hate people, but when all they seem to do if fuck you over, it's a whole lot easier than liking them. I've always been there for all of my friends. They know I'm always here, and they can always talk to me. So you'd think I'd always have someone to talk to. I'm unbearably alone sometimes. The key there ladies and gents, let yourself get close to other people, but don't let them get close to you. If you think it's not possible, I'll bet you my entire exsistence it is.
I know that sounds corny and very al la virginia Woolf. But you gotta hand it to her, bitch knew her shit. Maybe I haven't really been myself in a long time. The person i knew would never of just let "shit" happen. No, that's not the kind of person i am. tonight i let a friend of mine, sit there on and off for a good 2 hours, tell me how wrong i was about an issue, that didn't wanna discuss in the first place. I sat there and I let that person verbally abuse me for two hours. And by the time i left i was so beside myself, i didn't even have the know all to cry. To cry for the fact that I let myself be ripped apart like that. This may sound odd, but when my parents split up, i changed a lot, I became really quiet, and i kind of just let everything go, like i had built this amazing sand castle, and instead of protecting it when the tide came in, i sat there and watched the water consume my sand castle. And the funny thing is, even to this day, I don't build my sand castle way back, so that i don't have to worry, what i do know is build whatever i want, wherever i want, and i don't put much time into any of it, so when i sit ther and i watch it get ruined by the tide, instead of feeling pain, and loss, i feel relieved. I feel relieved that i don't have to deal with any more shit. So when obnoxious people who threaten me , and act like drunk people do what they do, I don't care, because not having to deal with them, is the biggest relief. Or when my good friends don't tell me what they feel,and i have to hear it from their boyfriends, what a terrible friend i was, this one time i screwed up. So their boyfriend he tells me what i'ave done wrong, and even though what i did wrong took a day out of their lives, that conversation with the boyfriend will be plaguing me for a month. And i'll get so consumed with anger and hatred, that it becomes so easy for me to detach myself from them. I don't like to hate people, but when all they seem to do if fuck you over, it's a whole lot easier than liking them. I've always been there for all of my friends. They know I'm always here, and they can always talk to me. So you'd think I'd always have someone to talk to. I'm unbearably alone sometimes. The key there ladies and gents, let yourself get close to other people, but don't let them get close to you. If you think it's not possible, I'll bet you my entire exsistence it is.